What Matters?

Hello. I haven't written since February. That's nice isn't it? Things have been really busy and honestly, it has been kind of annoying. I love to do things and be social, but sometimes it gets to the point where I just want to have a night at home...with nothing else.
But, we don't always get what we want do we? Darn.

This is what being a Dad is all about.

Anyway. We have successfully spent all our tax money. That was fun. Really. It was really fun. But of course it didn't last. I should probably read Dave Ramsey's Money book. A lot of the ladies at Community Council were talking about it. We spent some time in St. George at a hotel. It was nice to have the kids there and just be able to relax for a few days. We paid for a lot of things that needed to be paid for, stocked up on some supplies, and got a few things we had been wanting for a while. So...that's always nice. Right?
Besides all that things have been going nuts with my job and calling. I work in the Young Men's in our ward and there is ALWAYS something to do. I don't know that I am very great at it, but I am learning and hopefully growing. Being willing is kind of tough on days that school, family, and my own interests seem to conflict. But growth happens when we sacrifice our time, talents, and energy to the betterment of those around us. I have to remember that. I know it is true.

I am proud of this guy.

At school things have been going pretty well. We are in the middle of our Core Testing. We (my team) have worked really hard to get our students ready. I mean...really, really hard. This group of kids is a very fun bunch to have. My own class has a lot of...personality. I love them. They are just really funny sometimes. At least I have seen a lot of improvement over the year. They are neat kids and I feel like I have grown pretty close to most of them. At least they put up with an ornery teacher.
In other events at school. I have been applying for the principal job at Kanab Elementary. Twice. Not too mention applying for the Kanab High School Principal job. Just because. This has been a very interesting ordeal to say the least. I know I can do the job. I want to do the job. I also know how many variable there are in this process and it can be annoying to wait for things to pan out. I think when all is said and done and the new principal is chosen, I want to know that I am in the right place in my life. A place where I can do good for others and be an influence for excellence. It is a big deal to me to be important to people. It is an even bigger deal to help people be successful. Whether that be in my classroom or in a new position I am glad to be in a profession that demands my time, patience, service, and love for those around me. I can't think of anything I would rather do now that I am here.

One has been there. One will be.

So...I am waiting, but at the same time I am learning and growing...and boy have I learned a lot. The first time the job closed, I was devastated. Everything happened so unexpectedly and I didn't know what to think. I cried a bit. I reevaluated. I transferred my application over to the high school position and got an interview. I am very grateful for that opportunity. No, I didn't get that job, that's okay. I was more grateful to have the opportunity to learn about the interview process, recognize some of the mistakes I made, receive some mentoring and re-apply for the elementary position after it re-opened. I hope that regardless of the outcome I will present myself as well as possible, I will be considered highly, and I will move forward with peace in my life that I am going in the right direction. I am kind of depending on the Lord with this one. I have enough faith in Him to know that "He will direct my paths" if I "trust in the Lord with all [my] heart; and lean not to [my] own understanding" (Proverbs 3:5-6).
In all these things that are going on lately I have my family to consider. I want and need to be able to spend time with them. My kids need me home. Jenna needs me to be useful around the house and with the kids. Besides that, I really like my family. Weird huh? I enjoy hanging out with Dallin, Allison, and Parker. They are really cute kids. I don't want them to grow up without me. In addition to that I have Jenna and we need our time too! This life is a balancing act. Finding the correct balance by staying in tune with Heavenly Father, being a productive member of a community, and being a good father and husband is pretty challenging, and I know that I don't always get that balance right. But regardless of all the things that are happening all around us, or in our own personal lives, there are really only a few things that really matter. I will boldly say that those things are our families, our faith, and our direction in life. We go where we are pointed. President Monson sums it up pretty nicely in this video I have linked.

They need time and love. 

What Matters Most? I think most things in our lives can be put into their proper place with the answer to that question.

My Worst Fear

Fear seems to be a huge part of our lives. We fear what other people think of us, we fear how we will do on certain tests, (school and trials), we fear for the safety of ourselves and our loved ones. I have all these fears at times and I hope I can manage them as they arrive, so far I think I have done fairly well for the most part. Maybe I would get a B if we were graded...maybe a B-.

What are their lives going to hold?

These things are definitely things I think about more often than I should and they loom ever present at times, but I think many of them are underlined by one fear-at least in my life-and that is the fear of not being good enough.
We have all been taught from an early age that there are things that we shouldn't do. Many of those things fall under the jurisdiction of the 10 Commandments. For the most part, most people I know, even with their weaknesses, do pretty well at living these standards. There have been other things we have been taught to avoid, and I think generally most of us also do a good job here. We have been taught to avoid many things because of what they can do to our lives. We have been taught to be good. So we try.
We are not always 100% successful in this. In fact more often than not we stumble regularly. I have been taught about the Atonement and the sacrifice of the Savior for my sins. I believe this is a real thing. Not because "someone said so" but because of my own struggles with sin and weakness, which are ongoing and the change that has taken place when my trust has been placed in God. It's kind of like you have to try it to find out if it is real.
This leads back to my worst fear. Not being good enough.
Unfortunately our measuring stick for this is usually centered around the judgments and comments of other, well-meaning, but misinformed people. Sometimes that "worst critic" is ourselves.  Our lack of understanding of who God really is and the patience and love He has for us can cause us to judge ourselves too harshly. We take what others say to heart because we worry about our standing with them and with God and we struggle with the idea that we can never be good enough. We beat ourselves up, we cry, we keep getting up, but after awhile, some of us quit trying, throw our hands in the air and walk away from that which would save us, help us, comfort us, and guide us.

A lot of my faith was built in this building...

My understanding of the Lord has evolved over the semi-short period of my life. I started being deathly afraid of making any kind of mistake in my life. I was afraid that if I made a mistake I would be given a one way ticket to...the bad place...;). I feel like I have matured and experienced a few things since that time. I also feel that I have spent a good amount of time seeking to understand the Lord and reconciling what I read in scriptures, what I hear at church, and what I experience into a complete truth.
I feel I am making progress. I have to remember that many of the things I hear from other people are based on their understanding of the Lord and what He currently means to them. The scriptures deal with all sorts of situations, and those situations are given to us to be a "type" or a "shadow" of what could befall us in our lives.
If I have learned anything in my life to this point, it is that when we are on the Lord's side: There is NO need to fear. We are in His hands, we are on His errand, and we will stay on His course. Some may beg the question: What is the Lord's side. Scriptures tell us. Our own observations of this world and its course can tell us. Many people doubt what they have never sought to understand. But we can understand, and through that understanding our fears can be driven away because we begin to see a picture of this life, its purpose, and Who is willing to help us along the way.

...and in this chapel.

I have experienced debilitating fear in my life. I have suffered and given in to it, whether I masked it as anger, sadness, or pride- those fears slowed and hindered my progress. I often picture the Lord shaking His head as He watches wondering why it is so hard to trust in Him. I can't say it any more strongly than I do now, but I know He lives. I know He'll guide and help us all. There is a price and that price is commitment to Him and a true understanding of who He is.
Fears that I still have are because I allow my doubts to take hold, because there is opposition and there is an Adversary-who is not nice and who is cunning. Because of this we need to do the things that pull us closer to God. That is where there is safety. It has always been this way.  I believe it will always be so.
I wanted to finish up with one of my favorite scriptures, D&C 6:33-36, because nobody says it better than the Lord himself:
33 Fear not to do good, my sons, for whatsoever ye sow, that shall ye also reap; therefore, if ye sow good ye shall also reap good for your reward.
34 Therefore, fear not, little flock; do good; let earth and hell combine against you, for if ye are built upon my rock, they cannot prevail.
35 Behold, I do not condemn you; go your ways and sin no more; perform with soberness the work which I have commanded you.
36 Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.

It's hard to be too afraid surrounded by these people!

Of Elections, Contentions, and on another note...Christmas

I just thought I'd pepper my post with pictures.

I am still thinking - I just haven't been writing. I need to work on that. It isn't for lack of having something to write about. I think it is a lack of doing things that are of lasting value more often! The things we write last longer than some of the things that we think we need to do. I am guilty.
It has been a crazy few months in the world. It seems that we have been faced with a lot of contention in the country. Obviously the election was a huge point of contention. It was frustrating for me to see the amount of hate put on my choice of candidate by others. But I know that the fingers can point both ways. The whole process is combative and I wonder what any of us really accomplish by fighting about such things. It has been interesting to read articles online about each candidate after and see that people still fight about it even though it has been resolved! I had some hard feelings for a bit, but I think all I can do is pray for our President to do his best and hope that he does. What good does my negativity add? None.

Special thanks to Ann Hepworth for the amazing pictures!

I have also found it easy to get upset at things that don't matter at school during the last little bit. I think I get upset sometimes because I am not expecting certain changes that happen. I am a guy that doesn't like to fix things that aren't broken. That is well and good, but sometimes change for the sake of change can help to enliven and invigorate a tired process. So, I guess there needs to be good reason. I also need better understanding of the people I work with. A little empathy and charity goes along way. I can work on that. I need to. People usually have a reason that they want or feel that they need things a certain way. While I may not always agree it is agreeable to at least try for an understanding.

The pictures may be unrelated to my post, but they're nice!

I think all this contention and negative is a waste of time and I feel foolish for getting caught up in some of it. Especially since we are in the Holiday season.
Election day was in November - a time to be grateful. So I may as well be grateful for what I have and what we have in this country. Things are not all okay with our country. Things need to be fixed and changed and it will take leaders with courage to do that, but we do have a great country. We have our freedoms.

Geez. I am a bit biased, but I have a good looking family.

Christmas is coming up soon. Last I checked it wasn't a time to put my personal feelings in front of everyone else's. Especially when my personal feelings probably don't really matter when all is said and done. If I look back when I am 100 and I am concerned with the few things that didn't go my way 70 years ago...I think I will have failed to learn essential life lessons.
Christmastime is a time to help others. To give. Most importantly to forget oneself. It is easy for me to get caught up in what I want for Christmas or even just for daily life. It is embarrassing really. Especially when I can think about people who live on my street and in my home that could use some Christmas cheer and Christlike service.
So that's it. My goal, then, for this Christmas is to be a bit of help for somebody else: At home, at school, at play, (A Sunbeam a Sunbeam...) in my job setting and in my community. Merry Christmas to all!

Points of Light

Well. I haven't posted in a while. It is tempting to think I could get regular about my posting on this blog, but as history has a tendency to repeat itself, I am once again posting after a several month absence. July was my last post I believe.

Dallin did the Elementary Triathlon!

I don't have any specific topic that I wanted to post about today, though several things have gone through my mind. I hope that my posts are of service to people in some way. I seemed to be hardwired for thinking about gospel application. I think often of what people may be going through, people I know well, and others who may be just acquaintances that have touched me through their trials or accomplishments. For all these things answers are to be found by looking to God. That may sound overly optimistic to some, but I still believe it. He may not answer or solve our problems as we see fit, but He will teach us from them as we are willing.

Fishing on Labor Day. Nobody caught anything. Again. ;)

That's not really what I was going to talk about today, but I thought I'd throw it in since I can't seem to resist!
I really just wanted to recap the last few months. This probably won't be too exciting for too many people, but documenting my life and my family's is very important to me and hopefully to my wife and children. For some reason family histories written by my relatives are always so fascinating. Perhaps because I hope that part of me is as good as they were and are.

Don't mess with these gals.

Since July we have had a pretty nice life. Not everything has been roses and candy canes, but we have grown well and been blessed. Parker has reminded us what it is like to have a new baby. It is tough. It is also such a joy. He is beyond cute (I am definitely biased). Perhaps that cuteness has to do with him being our child, but that's the wonder and miracle of it. He is our child. Not just him though, we also have Dallin and Allison, and as frustrating as things can be raising children, they are such a blessing. They offer comfort on days we are down, joy as we watch them grow and develop, and yes, frustration when things don't go exactly as Jenna and I have planned.

First day of pre-school for Allison.

But, as I said earlier, things haven't been exactly easy. Jenna has endured quite a bit of over-tiredness with the baby. Let's face it. With Parker she has the magic touch. I just seem to agitate him more when he reaches a certain point! Most of the time he is all smiles and cute baby noises. But there have been a few extreme situations where we felt insanity was creeping up a little more quickly than it had any right to!
Thankfully as a teacher my schedule is such that I can be of assistance to Jenna. That is what I wanted when I was going through college. To have a job where I would be with my family. Not only that, but I have a job that I love. How do you beat that? I have to give credit to the Lord for that. As a college kid I had no actual idea what I wanted to be until it came down to prayer and what I consider to be a divine answer. It has worked out pretty divinely so far.

Dalln's grandma came to hang out at school!
Can you see the resemblance?!

With school in mind, my class this year is wonderful. My class last year was also wonderful, but they were also very difficult. That is possible, I promise. The chemistry of last year's class was such that there was a lot of contention. It didn't help that I was working on and through my internships. It also didn't help that Parker decided to come THE LAST WEEK OF SCHOOL. Talk about timing.
It all worked out. Though I am left with a small amount of guilt because I feel like I could have been a better teacher to last year's students. They are such cute kids.

That's Bubba Joe!

This year, thankfully, things are more calm. No internships to worry about. The baby is here. I can concentrate. I also have some pretty nice students and an almost too good to be true setup with a very small group. I am grateful for the break. We have also been able to do some really fun things: A friend's wedding in Cedar which turned out to be a wonderful reunion with some very old friends that, quite frankly, I didn't realize how much I miss! Traveling to Cedar and St. George OFTEN for family activities or to just get away. Picking up running again (I didn't realize I'd actually like it...), playing some video games (What did you expect?), and a great trip to the temple for a wedding last weekend of a family I hometeach who is wonderful and such a great example to me.

Lucky Dad.

So. We are doing well. Dallin is in first grade now and is doing an excellent job. We are always proud of his intellectual abilities. He does very well. I give a lot of credit for that to Jenna who spends countless hours reading with him and helping him. I try to do the same, but let's face it, Jenna does better than me in that area. Allison is dancing again. She is a natural. I picked her up yesterday, she made sure her legs were bent properly and that her toes were pointed. She is also doing preschool this year and we are pleased to see her progress. She is wired differently than Dallin, but I believe she will be successful in school also. It is hard not to be a proud parent as any parent who invests in their children knows.

Jenna dressed up as Belle for a birthday party.

Jenna is doing well also. She has some rough days with a baby, it consumes much of her energy, but she is getting back around to being busy and active. I am sure before long we'll be back to many more parties! I just love her. I don't think I could be more proud of my wife and grateful for all the things she does. It doesn't get much better than Jenna and I realize that. Are we perfect, no. But we do well. We do well because we work together on things. We read scriptures together and we pray together. We do well because we try to involved the Lord and he helps us through our weakness. Not many instant fixes, but He does send help as needed...and it is needed at times.

Lucky Man!

That's about it for us. I wanted to end with a little testimony. It is for my sake and my children's that I do this. I want them to be sure what I believe and know through my experiences. This knowledge I have of God and Jesus, the Book of Mormon, Joseph Smith, a life after this one, and any principal of the gospel that I have a real testimony of came through prayer, study, trying, lots of tears, confirmations of the spirit, dreams, feelings, and a commitment to the Lord that I hope will never fade. I have weaknesses, but we are told in Ether 12: 27: And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them. I believe it. I have felt it. I am sure I will feel it again. The greatest gift I know of from God is the assurances that come that everything will be okay in the end. It will be okay and we can trust that. The world may crumble. OUR world may crumble, but there is always a bright light ahead leading forward. I know it. Even when things are dark for me, I just can't give up hope, because in my mind's eye I see a light, and that light is for us.

Alone No More

I have been thinking about loneliness a little bit lately. Not because, I of myself am really very alone, but because even though we may be surrounded by people we love and that love us, we can feel very alone with the circumstances and events we face in our lives. So, I am not alone. But...sometimes I am alone. Perhaps this happens mostly when I keep certain feelings and thoughts to myself. Perhaps it happens when I am too afraid to express myself to someone. Perhaps it happens when I assume that others think things about me that may or may not be true. It can especially happen when we experience something very trying in our lives that we have to face by ourselves.
I believe in comfort. I know, through my own experience that it can come. It can come through friends. From family. From a spouse. It can come from our Heavenly Father, His Son, and the Spirit. I believe this.

Not Alone

Comfort is nice. It doesn't necessarily remove a trial or a conflict, or the inner turmoil we feel at times, but it can bring hope for a brighter tomorrow and peace in the troubling day. While we must still face our problems ,and in a sense we must face them alone because they are OUR problems, (You should read The Lesson by Carol Lynn Pearson - it has some excellent insights into life's troubles and teaches an important lesson. I read it every year to my students at the beginning of the year and the end.) we don't have to face them without hope or comfort. We can have faith.
Feeling alone teaches us. It can motivate us to reach out to other people so we don't feel alone. One of the best ways to lose that feeling is to help another who is struggling. There problems may be worse or not than ours. Perhaps they have experienced things we can only imagine, but when we reach out to them our loneliness fades and it is likely that theirs will be reduced. It may not make problems go away but discussing them with another can alleviate how difficult they appear and may give us renewed perspective.
Sometimes discussing them with another person or our Heavenly Father can help us see that, while heavy our burdens are not unbearable. For other trials, we may see that our burdens were never burdens at all, but blessings meant to strengthen us.
Prayer is a great help. It can lead to solutions, action (if we allow it), and enlightenment. Perhaps answers will come immediately. Most likely not. There is value in our struggle. Faith can never grow if it is never opposed, but to those who stay steadfast and never quit faith will be increased. I know this because I have experienced it. My life at this point is a result of answered prayers, Jenna, my kids, our home, even dumb stuff. I know the Lord listens. I also know that He will not always give immediately and that at times we need to prove ourselves. So we know we are ready for blessings. He will not give us more than we can handle, blessings or trials. But we need to prove ourselves. D&C 111:11 comes to mind, " Therefore, be ye as wise as serpents and yet without sin; and I will order all things for your good, as fast as ye are able to receive them. Amen." There is a lot said in that scripture and it applies well to many areas of life, especially for things we want or believe we need.

We may feel alone, and we may be left to figure things out on our own sometimes, but there are always people there willing to help as well as a Heavenly Father who I know loves each of us. I say trust and believe rather than doubt. I don't know where doubt ever got anybody when it comes to God, but I know where trust and faith take me. And I don't feel so alone when I remember that. 

Lemons and Lemonade (It's Summer, eh?)

I haven't written for a couple months. Things got crazy. Not that I didn't have time, I just didn't write. It seems that when we get out of a habit it takes some real effort to get back into it. Probably a lot like everything in life.
So what has been going on for us? A lot.

Graduation with the Family.

School ended as well as it could have. I had a bit tougher class than usual this year. The kids were very cute individually, but they had a lot of interpersonal issues at times. It made it difficult at times to focus their attention on the meat of school. As difficult as it was at times, there was a lot of progress made by them in many areas, especially considering that their teacher was rushing back and forth from the high school for his internships from January to the end of April. It all worked out and things were going pretty smoothly until Parker Isaac Corry decided to make his Entrance the last week of school! What do you do? It was the last week of school and things hit the fan as far as school was concerned. What mattered most, of course, was that Parker made it here well and safe. Still, the kids at school went a little crazy...
I was able to see them the last day of school thankfully. I miss them. Though there was nothing I could do about the end of year circumstances (family first) I wish I was able to send my students off with a little more stability. I love those kids despite anything crazy we went through together this past year.
Speaking of Parker. Jenna woke me up early (5:30-ish) that Tuesday (May 29) after Memorial Day and informed me kindly that I wouldn't be going to school that day. I only had Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday left. But our impending child delivery took complete and full precedence. We drove rather rapidly after packing to St. George with the kids. Everything went as smoothly as possible (Though we did take my mother-in-law by surprise, creating more stress for her in her already hectic life. She was awesome however when it came down to the wire.).

Another wonderful picture of our children.

After arriving in St. George, Jenna's parents (Darrell and Karen) and great-grandmother Ilene helped out with Dallin and Allison. It was a relief to have family to assist. I only had to worry about Jenna and our coming son. I still worried, but I didn't have to. Things were fine. The delivery went smoothly (as possible). Jenna went all natural this time and I am proud of how well things went. I am pretty convinced with the size of Parker (9lbs. 1oz.) that had she had the epidural things may not have been as smooth in this situation. He got stuck for a bit on the way out and she was able to tell and feel what she needed to do. The doctor ended up having the nurse push on Jenna's stomach to help Parker finish his entrance. This broke his collar bone and he came out really bruised up, but everything turned out well. I had given Jenna a blessing a few minutes before the delivery that said every thing would be okay and thankfully it was. It is interesting how by giving a blessing to Jenna that the Lord not only speaks comfort and peace to her, but it comes to me also. I suppose that is one of the great things about being able to worthily give a Priesthood blessing.
So Parker made it. We were in the hospital for a couple days. Tests and such. Everything went well. I brought the kids in to see Parker that first night. I think they were glad to see him. Dallin felt a little misplaced, as he expressed it, but he has risen to the challenge of being an excellent example of what an older brother should be. Allison has been so loving that we have had to help her withhold from expressing SO much love.
We are five weeks plus out from his deliver and things are good so far. He is healthy, and we are making the adjustment as smoothly as possible in my opinion.
Summer so far has been pretty good. As a teacher I love having summer's to renew myself. It took a bit longer this summer to get started on that due to some training we had for our District. But that is okay. Not only is their compensation, but it is a great opportunity to refocus and renew my commitment to teaching, my school, and my soon-to-be students.
So. What have I learned? It isn't enough for me to go through these experiences, I feel that I (and we) should take them, reflect, and realize that there are lesson being taught to us through experience.

Yes. I am a lucky man.

I have learned that when we have been assured of something by Lord, such as a successful pregnancy or that things will turn out okay, then we should trust Him. He constantly gives us encouragement and assurances throughout our lives if we will listen. Even when we go through the perceived "bad times", and they are excruciatingly tough at times, He will teach us through them, developing us into something greater and better. I have learned (and am still learning) that I need to take things in life with an attitude of positiveness. It does no good to dwell on the negative aspects of life. What good does it do?
I think often of President Hinckley. He was positive. It seemed good could be drawn from every experience when he was speaking. Just listening to him (and to President Monson) you knew that things would be okay. Even when President Hinckley and President Monson warned and warn of something, I know they are right and I know if I will follow their counsel things will work out well. Of course following that counsel is not something I do as diligently as I could at times. But I hope I am improving.
I have learned that life is good.

Life is Good.

You see in life what you want to see. It is funny to me to hear people talk about how hard something was, and I am not saying it wasn't hard, but perhaps if they looked at their experiences with a different lens they could see that despite the difficulty of experiences we go through their is still joy to be found. Sanctification even. Things that bring us closer to knowing God and Jesus said, "And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou has sent." (John 17:3).
So what do I know about this? Probably not as much as other people who have endured much more than I have. But after dealing with depression and severe anxiety for many years (several years ago) I think I finally am learning to put it off. To stop listening to negative thoughts, focus on the good, and know that the Lord will catch me and assist me as He sees fit. What I do know is that even though He allows things to happen that most wouldn't consider good, we can learn from them. Things resurface once in a while, it can be difficult, but time on this planet is finite. It will be over for all of us someday, and it is possible that we will be embarrassed by some of the responses we had to our trials. Thankfully our Heavenly Father is patient and loving with us. Just as we can see things our children will face and how they have to learn to respond maturely to difficulties the same applies for all of us. I may have a 30 year head start on my kids (give or take), but I realize in the eternal scheme 30 years is more like a few minutes and they will probably teach me ways to respond better to trials by the time all is said and done.

Danny and Brittney's Wedding last year.

I suppose to sum everything up, life is good and proceeding smoothly. There is no reason to think otherwise. Sure there is a drought, the west is on fire, and the world seems to be
"reeling to and fro" (Isaiah 24:20), but I can control what I can control and then we have to trust the Lord to set things right. What else can we do? There are things that we have to just let the Lord handle.
Despite the crazy world we live in, we are blessed. Jenna and I have our three children and each other and that is forever.

Graduation

Graduation is upon me.
It is kind of a bitter sweet experience so far. I suppose I thought I would be more excited and relieved that I have finished my Master's Degree. Don't get me wrong, I am glad to be done and I am proud that I did a good job, it's just that I have had such a good ride during this set of schooling and I have grown in many ways. Not only that but I have been able to interact with people in my communities (yes...plural) in more ways than I was able to before. I have gained an appreciation for those who are running the educational program in our area.

This girl LOVES the spotlight. Her dad? Not so much.

Administration of any type is difficult. People always have an opinion of how they would do something, they don't see all the forces at work, and most importantly I think they forget that administrators are human and sometimes have cruddy days like everyone else. The only issue is that they aren't allowed to show it or they are condemned as unfit leaders. Maybe not completely fair, but that is what needs to be expected by any one who will be a leader. Educational, Religious, or Civic.
Back to graduation.
Jenna is going all out for me. She always does. I am grateful she turns these things into celebrations. I may grumble about the attention and the stress of an 'event' but she adds her special touch and it makes me feel important, even when I'd rather sit with my back against the wall and watch everyone else rather than be in the front. Family has also been so supportive. We couldn't have paid for this without help from a very special lady to Jenna and I (I'll leave her anonymous, because that's how she'd want it).
There actually isn't much else to say except that: I am going to miss schooling. It's a bit weird. Last time I graduated (2005) I was VERY ready to be done. This time however, something clicked. School/Education became a sort of quest and I realized that becoming educated is one of the main purposes of this life. Not just religiously, which I believe is the most important education, but also educated in the world around us in how things work, in the sciences, mathematics, vocations, and about anything else that is of value (most likely determined by what good can be contributed to the world, perhaps a matter of opinion on some subjects...).

Thanks for your help Jenna!

It is not to say there won't be anything to do now that I will be graduating. We are having a baby soon. Very soon! We are very excited about that. I will have trainings also coming up for school. I am working on a book that regardless of how well it does in the world eye, I want to finish. I also want to finish some of my video games (this is where I look around guiltily...) ;).
I believe that receiving education for the sake of education is important, but that is not the true purpose of education. Education is for the purpose of bettering ourselves and those around us. Because of education we can educate others. With that we prepare ourselves and other for a better, more capable, future. The world pays us for what it thinks we are worth to paraphrase Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley. He is right. It isn't just about the paycheck though (which is nice) it is about being capable and credible.
I think I know a lot of people who toy with the idea of going back to school. They know they should, they kind of want to, but the thought of the commitment is frightening. Believe me that's exactly how I felt before I started. In fact it was because of a Priesthood Blessing from a very good friend that I finally was motivated enough and found the courage to plunge into my Master's. I needed a small push. It must have been the right choice. As soon as I committed to it, things became better for me and my family. There were still hard times and some of them were due to the education process, but overall I changed. The Lord blessed us...and we have a new future full of more possibilities.
To anyone considering more education: Do it. You will not be able to do it all in one day, but day by day plugging away and you will find yourself happy that you did. Some days may not feel that way, but the inner feeling of fulfillment and knowing that you are accomplishing something will strengthen you. In my case I went to the Lord over and over again to get through and sometimes to get a vision of what to do. I received many blessings, I consider myself very weak and I rely on the Lord to get me through. But...I'm through...and I am graduating.
It's bittersweet. But mostly sweet.

It's time to play!

I am glad I can focus on some other goals. But I will most likely be back for more education later. Because now that I've seen it in the light of continual progression-I don't ever want to stop learning, pushing, and growing.
But a little rest is in order...for now.

Never Giving Up. Never Quitting.

This life is full of some crazy times. Some of them are so fun and exciting we wish they would never end while others are so miserable, depressing, and...well just plain wretched that we may wonder what life is all for. I have felt that I have been through both types of events!
The temptation to quit the hard things or give up on the positive things is overwhelming at times. We think to ourselves that "there is no point", that "it isn't really worth it", "it's too hard", or that no matter how hard we try we will never achieve our goals. I have been there also. Perhaps not as often as others that I know and love. But I have had some of my own times.
Sadly to say there have been things that I have quit. Some of them may not have affected my future as much as others, but some of them have changed the whole course of my life.

Will this be how YOU feel when you reach your goals?

Gratefully, I have faith the because of a loving Heavenly Father, those times I have "quit" have been made up for the most part. Though not all. There are consequences to our actions.
We need to set goals for ourselves. For our lives. Last I checked, we as humans, and especially children of God, don't stagnate very well. We are either moving forward, or backward. This life is like running uphill. There may be a few downhill slopes for us to coast on and get our strength back, but in the end we are climbing Mt. Everest! It may not be overly pleasant to think of life that way, but I think it reminds us of the constant energy and effort we need to be applying to reach our goals...which we need to have!
Going back to school for me was one of these goals that I had wanted to do, but was quite afraid of the sacrifice that I would need to make. Thanks to a priesthood blessing, and my being humbled through a VERY trying school year several years ago I was ready to make some changes in my teaching and life direction. The idea, as I said, was overwhelming. I didn't know how I would fit everything into my life. I just knew I would try my best.

These guys are worth every bit of sacrifice.

I still have a lot of work to do in these last couple months, but graduation is nigh and the sweet feeling of a job well-done is beginning to hang over my mind. It was worth it.
I am not the only person who is afraid to try for challenging things. The thought that we can be so much more than we are through solid effort, can at times be terrifying. I think the thought that we aren't quite as much as we could be is sobering and is easy to run away from. Personally this is where most of the justification and rationalization that I do in my life comes from. But what good does it do me?
None.
These challenging things are what keep me growing and becoming more of a well-rounded person. So I cannot quit.
I know that after the end of my Master's program in May I will need new goals. I have a few. I will need new experiences to continue my growth and the growth of my family. I think of the possibilities of challenging things that people can experience and I definitely have some things that if it is up to me I will cross them off my list. However, regardless what comes our way in this life, we have an obligation to ourselves, to our families (wives, husbands, children, and even the extended), and to our God to give things our best shot and never give up. To never quit. If we never quit we never TRULY lose. As I say to my kids at school, "I'd rather be a loser than a quitter."

This was definitely one of those bright times!

The one comfort that stands through all of the tough times we go through (and put ourselves through sometimes) is that God is watching by. He will lend a hand in times of trouble. However it is my opinion that He will not intervene when the challenge is something that we need for our growth or that He is confident we can get through. Of course even in those times I feel there is comfort and a still, small voice that whispers for us to keep going and never give up. Never. Give. Up.
There is always a brighter tomorrow. We do not know the joys that our lives will hold in a near or a distant future. While things may seem dark now they will get better. We will be stronger. The satisfaction of seeing challenges through will be ours and we will know that our strength and our capabilities are infinitely greater than we could have ever imagined. Happiness comes to those who never give up, who trust in the Lord, and who find strength in the people around them. We are not left alone. Not by our families and friends, and NEVER by our God.

Insanity Does Have a Good Side!

It's been a good week. It has also been a crazy week. Internships and school dominate my daily life. I enjoy them immensely.
The past month has been good also. There have been some ups and downs, but overall it has been a really positive time for our family.
We found out (well...a sure confirmation anyway) on January 8, 2012 that our baby on the way is a boy. I am glad for this, not because it matters either way, we love our children regardless of being boys or girls, but I am glad because of some feelings I had felt and this was a nice confirmation that I wasn't too crazy.
Though...I am crazy...and maybe a bit insane.
I'll admit that before anyone else.

If anybody understands an internship it's the guy to my left!

I am sure all of us have our episodes of crazy. We do too much. We're tired and overwhelmed. Bad things happen. We watch others live their lives and know WE'D do it differently. We aren't as organized as we feel we could be. There are a million things that can add to our feeling a little bit nuts.
Is this a bad thing? I don't know if it is entirely, I think it is in the handling of these crazy/stressful episodes that we find out what we are capable of. It also gives us an opportunity to ask for help. From others. From God. Help seems to always come. Whether in the form of a friend. A spouse. A son or daughter. Or peace from our Heavenly Father in our hearts that things will work out. They always do.

Reach out.

The 'best' results are not always what we have planned, but often times on the other side of the trial, or struggle, or insanity (in my case) things are better than I could have planned. Much better. So much so that often I realize that I couldn't have dreamed up anything so good for myself. The Lord knows what we really need. I know this because many of my own plans have turned over in my life and when I got to the "other side of crazy" I could look back and see the hand of the Lord and the new blessings in my life. Material blessings? Sure sometimes. Spiritual insight and a greater comprehension of my purpose on earth? Absolutely, almost every time if I will just look and see.
My internship experience has been one of these experiences. It has been quite difficult on certain, very, very long days. But I think of myself before I returned to school and I am glad I have made some improvements in my life and profession. The Lord knew I could be so much more, I just had to trust him. He has helped me every step of the way, directly, or through other people.

Some of my support team. Can't forget the lady taking the picture!

One of the blessings of these hard things we go through, this little bit of crazy, is that we come out with a greater understanding of ourselves, our God, and those around us. I believe that if we allow it-Charity for our fellowman (and woman) can be one of the greatest results of difficult times. What greater gift is there? None that I am aware of. Moroni 7: 46 states: "Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail—" I believe that while charity is a gift from God that we must pray for, it is also given opportunity to blossom as we deal productively with our own crazy lives. He can turn these hard things into a gift that we can use to benefit the lives of others. We may not experience exactly the same things, but we can love more and more as we learn more about His love. 

Ann knows how to capture my greatest mortal supporter! 

So. Yes, it has been a little crazy this last week, but I have felt the love I have for those people around me at work and home increase. How can it not increase when I have children who can tell when something is wrong and who tell me they love me? Or when I have a wife who takes the time to discuss my craziness and who listens, parents who still have incredible concern, and friends who can tell when I am struggling and approach me about it. These people around me and around us are a part of those angels who comfort us and who are sent from God. They listen to him, whether they realize it or not, and do His will to help me and those around them. 

Covenants

So it has been another while since my last post. I have not been writing as much as I usually do. I guess it has something to do with my internships, crazy class, my wonderful children, and my beautiful wife expecting. It is like there is nothing to do or something!
It is also Christmas time. A time I love because of the focus we can put on our Savior, but also a time that is considerably stressful because of strapped finances, worries about extended family and friends, and too many parties! Just kidding about the parties, my wife and I can't seem to say no to parties! Oh well.
A few things have been on my mind of late and I feel that this is my personal spot to talk about them without it having to make too much sense. After all the name of my blog is Insights, Thoughts, and a Little Insanity. Insanity seems to be a prevailing force in my life as of late, so I am glad I included it in the title. Who knew how prophetic it would be of the adult years: working, serving in the Church, and raising children.
Okay. So what's on my mind? Well there are a few things, but my main frustration lately is  the attitude many people take toward their Temple covenants.  If you think I am going to get really preachy from here on out, you may be right, but one of the most sacred things I have ever done was to go and covenant with God in the Temple that I would live his laws the rest of my life and beyond. It wasn't a joke. It wasn't a "if I feel like it". It was life or death. My soul is on the line.
Regardless of people's reflection on their Temple experience, the fact remains: They made a covenant. It needs to be kept. It is a matter of honor to God and self. If things have happened that have led to a slackening of commitment, I would say get back on track. We can't blame other people, no matter the situation, for our lack of commitment to God. It doesn't matter the 'hard' things we have gone through, or that we don't think we were prepared, or what not. We said we'd do something. So do it. Go back to the Temple, wear your garments properly. After all we have been taught that the way we wear them is a "outward expression" of our commitment to God. What else that we could be committed to could POSSIBLY be better than being committed to God in our personal and public lives?
I am usually a pretty patient and (I think) understanding person, but when it comes to throwing out promises we made to God, I boil inside. People act as if it is too hard to keep those commitments they made. I cannot understand or accept this. I feel that life is much harder and much more confusing when we don't keep those promises. They keep me safe. Anybody can do it, especially if a person as weak as me can do it.
Our lives revolve around our desires and our use of agency. How and where we spend our time, our money, and our words show our desires and our heart. I absolutely have things I need to fine-tune. But I can't do it on my own and keeping those Temple promises is one way for me to show God that I NEED his help. I NEED IT. How could I throw the only sure source of help out the window. Where much is given much is required (D&C 82:3).

There are people who have been to the Temple and who haven't. I absolutely believe that God will be more merciful to those who haven't been in some ways, rather than those that have been and then gone back on their word of honor. However I believe that he will be the most rewarding and happy with those who have been and who have kept their part of the covenant to the best of their ability.
We may not always live our covenants perfectly, we must always continue to get up when we fall, but we cannot quit, or give it away as if it has no worth, for those covenants are everything to this life and our eternal life after.
So, I would rather be a loser, in the eyes of the world, than a quitter in the eyes of my Father in Heaven and His Son. To those reading this, that I love, who have made covenants and who are struggling: Pick it up. There is no other source of joy or peace that can compare with the blessing of our Father in Heaven that comes through keeping our part of the bargain.