A Lot of Thoughts Build Up in a Year...

Look up!

It's been almost a year since I last wrote. A whole lot has happened. A lot of really good things. A few hard things, but things I am grateful for.
Last summer we spent a lot of time just being at home. I was also in a lot of trainings and such, trying to improve myself as an educator. It's a job that is never ending. I love it and yet sometimes I wonder why I do!
Anyway. The school year was really great. I had a class, that while large, was really fun. A lot of very interesting personalities and just super neat students. The beginning of the year was pretty good. I had a bit of a struggle at first. I think I was still struggling with not getting the job I had hoped for and it really ate into my self-confidence. I would see our principal (who is amazing) do some new thing and wonder if I really could have been as good as that. It was a hard time. Though I tried to put on a smile and ignore my feelings. Thankfully some very in tune ladies could tell I was struggling and they asked. I needed someone to ask so I could express what I felt. Not many of us like to gripe about things when we feel there is no reason, but sometimes we need someone to listen. Jenna has always been really good to be there for me, but it was also nice to have others who cared.
Our holiday season was fast and furious. We attended Thanksgiving at Jenna's parents in Santa Clara. It was an excellent feast. My mouth still waters if I think too much about it. Really. It was that good. Christmas went well also. We were able to put a little more money away this year and had a really nice time without quite so much duress (of course we still had some!).
I was also "blessed" to experience the repercussions of voicing my beliefs and opinion during the Christmas season. So be it. I will share them anyway. I believe them. I feel that is what the Lord would want me to do. But to do it as lovingly as I can. I do not believe that in order to love someone I have to agree with them! Just ask my students and my children!
Winter was cold. We didn't get a lot of snow this year. So we worry a little, but we pray. School continued to go well, though I ended up with a lot of students at the end of the year. Twenty-six, up from twenty-three, which is where I started. That made things a little more stressful. But, I was grateful for these students that moved in.

This is my send off crew when I drive to work.

In February, Mr. Bateman asked me to move up to teach 6th grade. I had had thoughts and feelings that had brought that possibility to my mind, but I hate to tell people what to do. So, when he asked it was a witness to me that it was the right thing for me to do. Students in fifth grade were super excited to have me again, and I am very excited to teach them again also.
With that though, I have been working with two amazing teachers in 3rd grade and it will be hard to not work so closely with them anymore, though thankfully I will see them often. They have become close friends and I value that friendship.
In our family news we all celebrated our birthdays in the space of three months: the beginning of March until the end of May...and we're done for another year.
One huge highlight of all this was that I was able to baptize and confirm Dallin. That was really special for me. I am really proud of Dallin and how much he understands about life. He is a good boy and wants to be good. I am grateful for that.
Allison graduated from preschool, which is crazy to me. She'll be starting kindergarten next year. It is fun to watch my children grow up and become capable young people.
Parker has been fun also. Really fun. He is a comedian, and he does it all with a really low vocabulary! We are really hoping that he catches up, but we are still so proud of how he is growing. He is happy and that means a lot to us.
During the school year we, as a community, also had the privilege of seeing a girl go through, fight, and eventualy succumb to cancer. As sad as it may have been, she did it with grace and courage. Mostly though, she blessed all of our lives through her faith and example. The worst way to die is fade and never influence anyone. This gal didn't have to worry about that! She is (still!) a special kid and I feel it was a privilege to know her.

The streets were lined for Jayci! She certainly deserved it!

This year ended about as tumultuous as last year, as far a school goes. The job for Principal/Teacher opened up at Valley Elementary School opened up and I really wanted to go for it. I was nervous about it and spent the more than a month before preparing very seriously for it. It consumed my thoughts. Which, for an interview and application, I believe is a good things. Getting my mind where it may need to go. Did I get the job? No...and again, it's been hard. So many things go through my mind when I am rejected for something. Feelings of peace mostly. Because that's what I felt. I really do feel that the Lord is watching out for me and my family. Was I upset? Of course. It never feels good to be told you aren't "good enough" for the job. Especially when I believe I am and when so many in my community were pulling and praying for me. But with that effort comes an ability to understand that the Lord has a plan for me...and there are kids in Kanab that need me and I need them. I appreciate the nice things many people have said to me since. I surely couldn't to this life with out friends.
My biggest worry about possibly moving back to teach at Valley was that there were students coming into 6th grade and staff that I needed to touch and I need to be touched by. Well. I don't have to worry about that!
I was told in a blessing before I interviewed that the Lord had my life mapped out for me...and if this is not a part of that map at this time, then so be it. Yet frustration still arises from impatience. Of course being told my life is mapped out...makes me wonder how much choice I have! But I believe it is mapped out because I want to do the Lord's will in my life. Period. All my blessings have come from listening to Him.

Vroom. Vroom.

One scripture, in particular, came to mind during this period. First D&C 111:11, which says, "Therefore, be ye as wise as serpents and yet without sin; and I will order all things for your good, as fast as ye are able to receive them." I think that this is pretty self-explanatory. He will bring us blessings when we are ready for the
m. It has worked constantly in my life that way. Perhaps I was not ready for the job, perhaps I need to be somewhere else at this time. In a classroom with some amazing kids, being home with my family at an amazing time (4:00 p.m.). Perhaps there are lessons I need that can only be learned in the classroom. I cannot say which direction my future will take me, but knowing that I have peace about where I have been planted is encouraging.
Proverbs 3:5-6 also rang through my head after the call. "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not to thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he will direct thy paths. It is easy for us to compare ourselves (and myself) to others based on our station in life. I do it way too often. But if the Lord led me to be a teacher (which He did) and he leads others to be other things...then we must all play our parts with dignity.
I learned this again while talking to a nice man at Jenna's 10 year reunion over the weekend. He builds homes. Perhaps he builds them for doctors and lawyers. Is his job any less important? I don't think so. He may not make as much money, but he builds homes for families. I teach students to think for themselves and develop good study habits. A doctor helps my family and I stay healthy, and an honorable lawyer and bring justice to those who need it. We all have a place and it is not the same as someone else's. What is mostly sad is that we treat certain professions as honorable and others as less than. When really, where would we be without the construction worker, trash collector, and the custodians? They impact our lives just as much as the higher paid professions.

Heaven can be close anywhere. 

The Lord will not abandon us. I have not been abandoned. Perhaps I have been put off of taking a track that would lead to less happiness and potential than the Lord has in mind for me. I do not understand at this time. We humans tend to measure value by the honors of men and worldly goods. Perhaps I need to look harder next time I think about leaving the place I have been planted. I am sure, that when the time is right for change the Lord will bring it to me. He brought me Jenna. He brought me to Orderville, and Kanab. He brought me three beautiful children and a wonderful home to raise them in. He orders things for our good, as fast as we are able to receive them. Part of that is requisite on our preparation, part of that is doing well the job He has asked us to do. He will not withhold blessings, real blessings, from us when we are trying to do our best and trusting Him.
So here I am at the beginning of another summer. Are there going to be great times? Yep. Are there going to be stresses? Yep. Jenna's step dad has had some serious medical issues. So we just keep praying.
If I can help someone with their stresses and they can help me through mine, and we can trust the Lord and try to do our best to follow Him...everything will be okay. Even when it's not...there can still be peace, and then it's okay.