4 a.m.

So. I woke up at about 4 a.m. after going to bed at 11:00 p.m. I do not know why I am awake, it's just one of those mind running nights I guess. It's 5:00 now and since I am up...there's been a few things I've wanted to comment on. These are completely random and isolated thoughts. Though there may be the slight chance they can be woven together.
Thought #1
I really love my wife!
Jenna wrote about our anniversary. I have to say that I married a wonderful woman. I don't know why I was able to be blessed with her. I dated a lot of really excellent girls before I met her. It seemed that either they didn't like me, or I would have massive panic "freak-outs" and that would be that. As time has moved I can see wisdom in the timing of my life. I really believe with Jenna that the timing was right. She compliments all my weakness and loves me anyway. Having increased faith in myself and God with her around is not a problem. We are not "perfect" all the time, but we work hard. Two morals (Sorry for those who hate morals, I know you are out there...) First, trust God's timing. Second, real love means you make it happen and keep it happening. Of course the initial stages of attraction apply (they definitely did in my case!). But after the euphoria wears, agency requires two people to work hard and more than anything spend time together. Teaching is a good career for this aspect of our relation ship. So...we aren't rich, but we are happy!
Thought #2
I really love my son!
Dallin is a crazy man. I have been able to really spend a lot of time with him since school has been out. I know he's only two, but he is a great friend. The other day I was downstairs (playing a video game...of course...) and he walks up and calls me "Jeff". Obviously that's my name, but the kid is two and it SEEMS to me that most two years olds call their dads "Dad" or "Dadda", or "Daddy". But for my son my name is Jeff. "Jeff eat!" "Hi Jeff".
What's my name? Apparently it's Jeff.
Of course he also calls himself "You".
What a guy!


Thought #3
People who leave rude comments.
This one was an interesting experience. Really there are two experiences I can draw from. Somehow, someone found my blog and read my comments about gay marriage (hardly anyone even looks at this blog...). I still stand by what I said. If it was too harsh I apologize for the harshness, but I still believe that true marriage is a man and woman. I suppose the term can be used loosely to refer to a union or merging of two entities (including companies), which is probably part of the argument of those in favor of gay marriage. Whatever. The point of this thought is that someone found my blog, and posted a completely rude and vicious response. I have since deleted this person's comment (Sorry I know, you all wanted to see it!). I know the topic is sensitive to some. My opinion is unpopular among the loud people. But it seems to me that a person who cannot express opposing opinions without extreme rudeness to my wife and myself, and exclaims that my mind is tiny and shrunken because I don't accept what the "loud people" want me to accept, is looking in a mirror and commenting on their own attributes. I have a lot of respect for most people, and I get along one on one with about everyone. But it seems that when people can be anonymous, many like to attack. Another example was an article on the Salt Lake Tribune site (first mistake of mine was to post something in support of a conservative nature on a liberal page...) Well, needless to say Jenna and I walked into a den of wild hyenas...
Well. I am sure this won't be the last time somebody is rude to me. It's not the first. But I don't think that just because someone is capable of being rude and can leave nasty comments means they are right. In fact it's usually a sign pointing to the opposite. I believe we still have an obligation to stand and say what we believe. I am fine if someone doesn't think like me, we can agree to disagree. Just don't be rude.
Thought #4
I miss my students. Don't get me wrong, summer vacation is awesome. But, the day to day interactions with great kids is irreplaceable. I will definitely be ready for August and the beginning of the school year, with that will come the opportunity to meet a new class and have students from past classes stop by for a visit. I realize with time, I will see less and less of these kids, but I sure enjoy them while I have them. Part of me hopes their summer's are completely boring so that they can't wait to be back to school. That's probably selfish, but I want my students to love learning and interacting with each other at school so much that summer vacation isn't quite as good as being in the classroom. Or racing their teacher around the building...
So much for sleeping!

Seeds

This picture doesn't have much to do with my post...except for the fact that sometimes we are screaming children even though someone is trying help us out.
Anyway...

The last couple days I have been thinking about seeds. This might sounds weird, but it is true. I don't mean seeds in the literal sense, more like the Alma 32 sense in the Book of Mormon.
We had a birthday party for our nephew the other night and some of my friends from college were there. I served my mission with the husband's brother. According to what was reported the brother has "basically" left the church. We talked a little about it that night, but I thought about it more the next day while I was doing some yard work at my parent's house.
What does this have to do with seeds? Every idea in the world can grow. Good or bad. Alma gives a clue for what to look for, he says that truth is light. Which of course, would make things that are not true dark and confusing. I have noticed when some believe in something good, literature or people come around creating confusion. They create doubt. Some people say, "Well, if I am doubting maybe what this person says is right and I have been mislead." Then they research (usually the wrong material...) and decide they are not going to participate in the gospel anymore. They ended up feeding their seed of doubt and became full of it (um, doubt that is)...and their lives become dark and empty. We have all seen it, and, though they may accomplish many other good things in life, their lives really are fruitless in the spiritual sense.
I do not know all the answers to doubt. I know it is powerful and if we give it any place, kind of like weeds in a garden, it will take over and try to become our reality. I think the best answer I have found is to not allow the seed of doubt to have root. To kick it out as soon as possible, because if we nourish that seed until it is a tree...we are in trouble. Does that mean we go through life with a closed mind to all new ideas? I don't think so. But I think as soon as we can decide whether an idea is light or dark, we need to take action, either to ignore it, or nourish it. I picture Satan (cape flowing behind him with a mischievous grin on his face.) running through our garden with one of those fertilize spreaders. Except instead of fertilizer he is throwing out weed seed. We all know how fast weeds grow with just a little help. Doubt needs little help to flourish. Our quality seeds however take a lot of work and weeding to grow. Just like corn, tomatoes, or squash in a real garden.
We can choose to nourish whatever we want light or dark, truth or lie, we have agency. I have seen that any idea can be nourished and a person can believe in almost anything with all their hearts if they nourish it enough. But just because someone believes something doesn't make it true. We are given those keys in Alma 32, truth is light and peace of soul. So is the gospel, which encompasses all real (not just what some random person thinks) truth, and I think it would be naive to believe we can have ALL the answers here in this life. Which is why we follow the light and nourish the correct seeds.
We have to work actively to defend what we hold dear in life, so... if I am a person who wants to be faithful and keep my testimony of the gospel strong, I had better nourish my seed through scriptures, prayer, and service. Trees of light can wither just as a tree of doubt, they can also be kicked out if we allow too many weeds in our mind.
I guess I am blabbing on like this because I feel somewhat annoyed and sad when people toss out the corn and apricots to grow thistle and morning glory (who wouldn't want morning glory! I HATE morning glory...), just because a stupid idea crept in saying...what if? or what about? In other words, I think every one WANTS to do the right thing, doubt just likes to confuse us when we actually are already doing the right things. Once you know the character of the seed either keep it or kick it and move on doing the right things.
I have heard all sorts of arguments against the church and it's leaders, etc. Who cares? I have experienced the doubt that comes when having allowed these thoughts/arguments a little soil. I have learned that peace does not return until I get out in my "garden" and weed and replant the right seeds. I have an absolute testimony of the priesthood and miracles. I see the fruits in my life of trying to live what I believe. Life isn't perfect all the time, but I have felt real peace and comfort come from a priesthood blessing, spending time in the scriptures, or listening to a prophet's counsel or even sitting on my fanny pondering. It is not just a sedative. It is real. It is light. It's also not always easy!
My attitude lately about all these ideas floating around in the world is: I don't care how much people think they know or what their agendas are (people really do have agendas!). Every single person is prone to being wrong sometimes. So I guess God is really the only TRULY reliable source. We should clear up some confusion if we rely on Him and WAIT for his response...knowing it could come from a thought, person, scriptures, or maybe even some dumb TV show. The Lord does give comfort. But if we are like my son in the top picture...we may not recognize He is actually trying to help.
I guess our lifetime is a garden or an orchard. We are the gardeners. We choose the harvest. We exercise faith that things will grow and flourish, we work to show our faith. Quitting halfway does not help our garden grow (but it does help weeds grow!) Good trees and good crops along with faith, time, and effort bring forth good fruit and good vegetables. It's impossible to fake the harvest. Our lives will reflect our gardening, and the harvest will come and hopefully the Master of the Vineyard will be pleased.