Kind of Tired in my "Middle Age"...

Life as a 35 year old dad is tiring. I love it. I love my wife. I love my kids. I love my job. I am grateful for my blessings.
But I am TIRED!
Never ending needs to be met. Higher standards to accomplish. A feeling of not being able to do it all.
So what does one do with that?
I guess we have to pick and choose.
Are my choices always the best option? Nope. Probably not. Unfortunately survival mode kicks in, and I am just happy to get the kids in bed at night.
So Jenna and I can do it ALL. OVER. AGAIN.
EVERY DAY!

Yay.

I know there will come a day that I will miss these little screaming, demanding voices. I will miss their hugs and laughs. I will miss their cute little faces with fingers in their mouths. I will miss them needing so much. But I am kind of tired at this moment.
It won't last forever.
I am determined to enjoy it as much as possible, because it will never come back. My time with my children is precious, it is stretching and frustrating at times, but I am grateful for it.
My time with my students trying to meet their demands, their parents demands, the demands of curriculum and testing, and my own personal goals seems to be overwhelming. I hope I am making a difference at school. I hope I am giving them something that they can take with them to better their lives. I will miss them when they move on and I stay for a new "batch" of students. I hope they come and see me some day.
We all want to make a difference for somebody. We have had people make a difference for us. We need to tell them because we want to be told. It makes it all worth it.
So.
My kids. They tell me they love me. They hug me and kiss me. They make me smile (even when I am frustrated). I worry about their futures and how they will handle their stresses. I know I can't make choices for them, but I can be there when the need it. I hope they remember that.
My students. They let me know I am appreciated. They laugh at my ridiculous jokes and random comments. I hope their lives turn out well and happy. I worry about them.

I am grateful to share this road with my wife. Jenna is the best thing, by far, that ever happened to me. For that I owe the Lord a huge debt. She is wonderful and dedicated to making the lives of others around her. I have a lot to learn from her that way.
I am grateful for those I teach with. They are great examples for me and I learn much from them.
But still...I am tired. My wife is tired. Despite that, I believe it is part of the training process of this life. So. We are tired, but it is a good tired. It has been earned through sacrificing for other people. Little people. Cute little people.
I am grateful for the Lord. He is teaching me through all these things. I hope I learn my lessons and that I am willing to submit as needed to His wise direction.

Keeping the Sacrament a Positive Experience

I loved this story about the power of the Sacrament, from Sister Esplin, told during Conference:

The sacrament provides a time for a truly spiritual experience as we reflect upon the Savior’s redeeming and enabling power through His Atonement. A Young Women leader recently learned about the strength we receive as we strive to thoughtfully partake of the sacrament. Working to complete a requirement in Personal Progress, she set a goal to focus on the words in the sacrament hymns and prayers.

Each week, she conducted a self-evaluation during the sacrament. She recalled mistakes she had made, and she committed to be better the next week. She was grateful to be able to make things right and be made clean. Looking back on the experience, she said, “I was acting on the repentance part of the Atonement.”

One Sunday after her self-evaluation, she began to feel gloomy and pessimistic. She could see that she was making the same errors over and over again, week to week. But then she had a distinct impression that she was neglecting a big part of the Atonement—Christ’s enabling power. She was forgetting all the times the Savior helped her be who she needed to be and serve beyond her own capacity.

With this in mind, she reflected again on the previous week. She said: “A feeling of joy broke through my melancholy as I noted that He had given me many opportunities and abilities. I noted with gratitude the ability I had to recognize my child’s need when it wasn’t obvious. I noted that on a day when I felt I could not pack in one more thing to do, I was able to offer strengthening words to a friend. I had shown patience in a circumstance that usually elicited the opposite from me.”

She concluded: “As I thanked God for the Savior’s enabling power in my life, I felt so much more optimistic toward the repentance process I was working through and I looked to the next week with renewed hope.”

Like this sister the story is about, I tend to get a bit gloomy and pessimistic about myself and my progress as I struggle with the same things over and over. I appreciate the positive outlook this story gives. 

It is easier to become better, more positive, and more righteous as we focus on the good in our lives. It is easier to become better when we focus on what we have done right. Everyday there are many experiences we have where we make the right choices, watch out for a child, comfort a friend, and see the good in others. Those are what we ought to be looking at. Yes, we need to overcome weakness and sin, but it seems that we put ourselves under the Savior's influence better when we are focused on what we are doing right. When we focus on the right things it makes it easier to do more of the right things. 

We live in a pessimistic and finger-pointing world, we need to stay away from that mindset. We believe in being responsible and accountable, so let's be responsible and accountable for the good that we do also. Maybe that weekly ordinance can help us stay focused on what we can do better. Of course we need to acknowledge and admit our wrongs, but perhaps that's only half of the plan. The other half is to prepare to do more good in the future. 

Getting Prayer to Work

President Eyring shared some thoughts on prayer from the 1st Presidency Message this month that will help it be more effective in our lives:
"For prayer to work in our lives, the rules are simple. We must ask to know what is true by praying to the Father in the name of Jesus Christ. We must ask with a sincere heart, which means we must have an honest intent to do whatever God’s answer requires of us. And our real intent must spring from our faith in Jesus Christ."
"The investigator who reads the Book of Mormon before being baptized and confirmed may receive both an assurance that the book is true and a witness that Joseph Smith translated it by the power of God. After being confirmed a member of the Church, we can have the Holy Ghost as our companion to confirm other truths. Then, whenever we pray in faith, we can expect that the Holy Ghost will testify to us that Jesus is the Christ, that God the Father lives, and that They love us and all of Heavenly Father’s children."
Too many times, I rush through my prayer. Too many times I am half asleep and babbling whatever comes into my mind before I get ready for the rest of the day. 
I know Heavenly Father appreciates the effort, but I can do so much better and make it so much more worthwhile. 
Despite my weakness with prayer at times, I have had other experiences that have been powerful, moving, and have brought me closer to my Heavenly Father. Those are the times that I am in wonder that Heavenly Father loves me. He loves my family. He is concerned about our direction and safety in our lives. He doesn't want this mortal life to be a bad experience, and He will help to make it better. 

Fear God - Not Men

Elder Robbins's talk this last conference was really powerful. It was also a great reminder of trusting God enough to put him first over the pressures of people around us. Of course we need compassion for others, but we need God more. Here are a couple quotes from the talk:

"Trying to please others before pleasing God is inverting the first and second great commandments (see Matthew 22:37–39). It is forgetting which way we face. And yet, we have all made that mistake because of the fear of men. In Isaiah the Lord warns us, “Fear ye not the reproach of men” (Isaiah 51:7; see also 2 Nephi 8:7). In Lehi’s dream, this fear was triggered by the finger of scorn pointed from the great and spacious building, causing many to forget which way they faced and to leave the tree “ashamed” (see 1 Nephi 8:25–28)."

"This peer pressure tries to change a person’s attitudes, if not behavior, by making one feel guilty for giving offense. We seek respectful coexistence with those who point fingers, but when this fear of men tempts us to condone sin, it becomes a “snare” according to the book of Proverbs (see Proverbs 29:25). The snare may be cleverly baited to appeal to our compassionate side to tolerate or even approve of something that has been condemned by God. For the weak of faith, it can be a major stumbling block."
---
"The scornful often accuse prophets of not living in the 21st century or of being bigoted. They attempt to persuade or even pressure the Church into lowering God’s standards to the level of their own inappropriate behavior, which in the words of Elder Neal A. Maxwell, will “develop self-contentment instead of seeking self-improvement”3 and repentance. Lowering the Lord’s standards to the level of a society’s inappropriate behavior is—apostasy. Many of the churches among the Nephites two centuries after the Savior’s visit to them began to “dumb down” the doctrine, borrowing a phrase from Elder Holland."
---
"The Savior, our great Exemplar, always faced His Father. He loved and served His fellowmen but said, “I receive not honour from men” (John 5:41). He wanted those He taught to follow Him, but He did not court their favor. When He performed an act of charity, such as healing the sick, the gift often came with the request to “tell no man” (Matthew 8:4; Mark 7:36; Luke 5:14; 8:56). In part, this was to avoid the very fame which followed Him in spite of His efforts to eschew it (see Matthew 4:24). He condemned the Pharisees for doing good works only to be seen of men (see Matthew 6:5)."

"The Savior, the only perfect being who ever lived, was the most fearless. In His life, He was confronted by scores of accusers but never yielded to their finger of scorn. He is the only person who never once forgot which way He faced: “I do always those things that please [the Father]” (John 8:29; emphasis added), and “I seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent me” (John 5:30)."

This talk really drives the point of following God and listening to his counsel, rather than falling prey to the opinions, scorn, and condemnation of those around us. In a perfect world, we would be able to please both, but we don't live in the that world. I know I can do better at standing up to be better disciples of Christ. We can also be sure to face God and his prophets rather than succumbing to the dead-end path of popular opinion.

Talk retrieved from: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/10/which-way-do-you-face?lang=eng

The Power of the Atonement

This was just a little reminder from Elder Packer this last conference that helped me appreciate the Atonement even more than I already do:

"The Savior wrought the Atonement, which provides a way for us to become clean. Jesus Christ is the resurrected Christ. We worship and recognize Him for the pain He suffered for us collectively and for the pain He endured for each of us individually, both in the Garden of Gethsemane and on the cross. He bore all with great humility and with an eternal understanding of His divine role and purpose.

Those who will repent and forsake sin will find that His merciful arm is outstretched still. Those who listen to and heed His words and the words of His chosen servants will find peace and understanding even in the midst of great heartache and sorrow. The result of His sacrifice is to free us from the effects of sin, that all may have guilt erased and feel hope."

"The mercy and grace of Jesus Christ are not limited to those who commit sins either of commission or omission, but they encompass the promise of everlasting peace to all who will accept and follow Him and His teachings. His mercy is the mighty healer, even to the wounded innocent.

I recently received a letter from a woman who reported having endured great suffering in her life. A terrible wrong, which she did not identify but alluded to, had been committed against her. She admitted that she struggled with feelings of great bitterness. In her anger, she mentally cried out, “Someone must pay for this terrible wrong.” In this extreme moment of sorrow and questioning, she wrote that there came into her heart an immediate reply: “Someone already has paid.”

If we are not aware of what the Savior’s sacrifice can do for us, we may go through life carrying regrets that we have done something that was not right or offended someone. The guilt that accompanies mistakes can be washed away. If we seek to understand His Atonement, we will come to a deep reverence for the Lord Jesus Christ, His earthly ministry, and His divine mission as our Savior."

I loved his reminder that we have an Atonement that covers our weakness and can give hope, if we'll accept it with faith. That price has been paid. I have felt it. I need it. I need it for more than just my sins or weakness, but sometimes just to sort through things that have happened in my life and the lives of others. There is power there.
Talk retrieved from: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/10/the-reason-for-our-hope?lang=eng

We Heeded Them Not

This was another post I put up on Facebook:
"I thought this was a great thought for tonight from 1 Nephi 8:31-34. It seems pretty applicable.
31 And he also saw other multitudes feeling their way towards that great and spacious building.
32 And it came to pass that many were drowned in the depths of the fountain; and many were lost from his view, wandering in strange roads.
33 And great was the multitude that did enter into that strange building. And after they did enter into that building they did point the finger of scorn at me and those that were partaking of the fruit also; but we heeded them not.
34 These are the words of my father: For as many as heeded them, had fallen away." (1 Nephi 8:31-34, LDS.org) 
There's a lot of crazy things happening in the world right now. There's a lot of people calling evil good and good evil. Yesterday same sex marriage became legalized in Utah. Many people celebrate it. Many people point their fingers at the "religious folk" and mock. Many others listen to them and wander off. 
Everything I have learned about God compels me to believe in marriage between a man and a woman, to hold the family as a sacred vehicle for returning to heaven, and to share what I believe with others. 
Sharing what I believe on this topic has become scary for me. Almost every time I state my belief there is some one decrying my "close mindedness". That is fine. If I am closed to the idea of a course, that in my belief, carries a person far from the path I believe God intended, then that's my choice. 
The problem comes for us when we begin to heed the voices of the world that encourage behavior (of any type) that we know is in conflict with the plan of our Father in Heaven. There are so many of these detracting voices. They mock. They put down any type of religious belief. They call names. They get courts and judges on their sides. 
This conference came at a good time. We need to be peaceful people, but we need to stand for our beliefs. I am not going to pick a fight with anybody. I don't like that contention, I don't need it in my life. BUT...and that's a big "but"...I am not going to change or alter my beliefs that I have sacrificed, fought, and defended because of a popular idea or opinion. This road we are on scares me. Many people will say, "There's nothing to be afraid of! Nothing bad is going to happen." 
Okay. 
Sure.
I just worry about families, and individuals, and their future happiness. Perhaps it is none of my business, but there are many roads in life that lead to dead ends, and I believe that what I witnessed in Utah (and across the nation) is a dead end, but that's just my belief. So don't hate me. 
I am grateful for God. I am grateful for what I have because of Him. I feel like I owe Him something. Some people may ask if I really know Him. I think I do. I have seen evidence of Him in my life. I feel like I have been blessed over and over by Him. Because of that I think He deserves my loyalty. So I commit according to my belief and experience. We cannot know Him unless we try Him and His commandments. Do I do this perfectly? Nope. But I hope I am doing better and better. He's merciful. 
So if I don't heed the world out there, it's nothing personal. I don't want to fight. I just believe in another way...and betraying that, despite my imperfection, is worse than death to me. 

Father in Heaven

This afternoon I read a great article on LDS.org and thought that I would link it here to my blog. 
Sister Reeves makes some great points in her article. When we feel that we are privy to truth, we have an obligation to share. She also reinforces that even though we need to share, we should try to do our best not to offend. So here I am sharing, hoping I don't offend!

This is just a little taste of Heaven.

This quote was especially powerful:
"How remarkable that our all-powerful, omniscient eternal Father loves each of us so much that everything He does is directly related to bringing you and me back home to his presence so that He can share all that He has, all that He knows, and all the He does."
I am grateful that God is better than we are. I don't spend all my time seeking the well being of others. I spend more of it now doing so than I did when I was younger, but I have yet to offer my "whole soul". I suppose it takes time. 
I am grateful for a Father in Heaven who loves us. That when we need Him, he is there. He was willing to sacrifice a lot on our behalf. I don't know that I could send one of my sons to sacrifice for someone else. I would try to teach them to help others though. But it seems that I am to willing to draw a line on my willingness to help. Perhaps I can work on that.
Anyway. The article is great. We really are blessed with truth concerning how central marriage is to God's plan. I am grateful for it!
https://www.lds.org/church/news/sister-reeves-boldly-testify-to-world-of-marriage-gods-plan?lang=eng&cid=facebook-shared

He Hath Borne Our Griefs

Just something to think about when our load is a bit too heavy to bear. (Isaiah 53:3-5):

3 He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

4 ¶Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.

5 But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.

I am grateful for the healing we receive from Jesus and the willingness with which he freely gives it. I get wrapped up in my problems too often, and sometimes I want to "hide my face", forgetting there is real help. I don't know how it is real, but I know it is, for me, and for anyone who will ask.

Too often I face the school day, or other stresses, and feel very alone in it all. At other times, I realize, and remember that He really will give me guidance, even at work, especially with students. Even yesterday after a pretty long day at school, I received gentle reminders that I am doing better than I think and that I have what I need to help the students already in place.

For anyone dealing with issues, grief, sorrow, sin, depression, any weakness: I know that help is available from the Lord. I know also that getting help is as simple as taking the first step of asking God for wisdom and strength. This scripture from Ether 12:27 reinforces the willingness our Savior has to assist us when we ask:

"27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

I know this works. I know He loves each of us and will help us bridge the gaps and fill the holes in our lives. I'm still learning more about this, I am still asking and begging for help all the time, but I am grateful that I know where to turn for help. 

Scriptures retrieved from: https://www.lds.org

An "Effectual Struggle" and Trusting in God to Deliver Us

I am posting again! Two days in a row. There have just been things I have read in the scriptures lately that I felt were worth sharing. This scripture today, discussing King Limhi was very good. As I state in my Facebook post, the verses are very applicable to our day. They are especially applicable to each of us:

Raising this cat...has been a struggle-mostly for Jenna!

I love these words from King Limhi in Mosiah 7:18, 30. It may have been to his people who were in bondage at the time, but it is very applicable for us today. I also believe it is also very personal, that whatever "bondage" we may find ourselves in, and whatever "effectual struggle" there is to fight, God will be with us and deliver us. I'm grateful for that. We need to trust Him and turn to Him for that help. It is there.
18 And it came to pass that when they had gathered themselves together that he spake unto them in this wise, saying: O ye, my people, lift up your heads and be comforted; for behold, the time is at hand, or is not far distant, when we shall no longer be in subjection to our enemies, notwithstanding our many strugglings, which have been in vain; yet I trust there remaineth an effectual struggle to be made.
---
33 But if ye will turn to the Lord with full purpose of heart, and put your trust in him, and serve him with all diligence of mind, if ye do this, he will, according to his own will and pleasure, deliver you out of bondage.
Each of us has burdens we are facing. Some are self-inflicted. Some are given to us through our mortal experience, and some are inflicted on us through the choices of others. All of these trials (if you will) are given to us. We can respond to them as we choose.
These verses remind us that we can choose, if we desire, to trust God. They promise (and I believe) that despite the "effectual struggle" God WILL deliver us from bondage.
That struggle is good for us. It is how we gain strength. It is how we grow our faith. I may not always enjoy the struggle, but I am grateful for it.

Faithful in Tribulation: D&C 58:2-4

These are just a few of my very favorite verses in the Doctrine and Covenants. I haven't posted much on my blog lately and I need to be a bit better. So perhaps I'll just share small things from my reading here. I share many of them on Facebook, so I'll just double post on some of them.
If I remember!
Anyway. This was my Facebook post:

This little boy is a wonderful blessing.

I love the promise in these words from D&C 58:2-4. They have been on my mind for the last several days. I especially love the reminder in verses three and four. We can't see all that God has prepared, but our troubles prepare us for those things. I really believe that.
2 For verily I say unto you, blessed is he that keepeth my commandments, whether in life or in death; and he that is faithful in tribulation, the reward of the same is greater in the kingdom of heaven.
3 Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation.
4 For after much tribulation come the blessings. Wherefore the day cometh that ye shall be crowned with much glory; the hour is not yet, but is nigh at hand.
There is a lot of power in these words. They require faith in our Heavenly Father and in Jesus and their plan for us. I have faith that they are true and I hope to continue living the gospel (and repenting) the best I can to be worthy of the things the Lord has in store for me, specifically, and all of us also.
I know God lives. I know I belong to the Church that has his seal of approval, despite the limitations and imperfections of the people who are members of it. I have felt His power often because of it. It has shaped my life for good.