Points of Light

Well. I haven't posted in a while. It is tempting to think I could get regular about my posting on this blog, but as history has a tendency to repeat itself, I am once again posting after a several month absence. July was my last post I believe.

Dallin did the Elementary Triathlon!

I don't have any specific topic that I wanted to post about today, though several things have gone through my mind. I hope that my posts are of service to people in some way. I seemed to be hardwired for thinking about gospel application. I think often of what people may be going through, people I know well, and others who may be just acquaintances that have touched me through their trials or accomplishments. For all these things answers are to be found by looking to God. That may sound overly optimistic to some, but I still believe it. He may not answer or solve our problems as we see fit, but He will teach us from them as we are willing.

Fishing on Labor Day. Nobody caught anything. Again. ;)

That's not really what I was going to talk about today, but I thought I'd throw it in since I can't seem to resist!
I really just wanted to recap the last few months. This probably won't be too exciting for too many people, but documenting my life and my family's is very important to me and hopefully to my wife and children. For some reason family histories written by my relatives are always so fascinating. Perhaps because I hope that part of me is as good as they were and are.

Don't mess with these gals.

Since July we have had a pretty nice life. Not everything has been roses and candy canes, but we have grown well and been blessed. Parker has reminded us what it is like to have a new baby. It is tough. It is also such a joy. He is beyond cute (I am definitely biased). Perhaps that cuteness has to do with him being our child, but that's the wonder and miracle of it. He is our child. Not just him though, we also have Dallin and Allison, and as frustrating as things can be raising children, they are such a blessing. They offer comfort on days we are down, joy as we watch them grow and develop, and yes, frustration when things don't go exactly as Jenna and I have planned.

First day of pre-school for Allison.

But, as I said earlier, things haven't been exactly easy. Jenna has endured quite a bit of over-tiredness with the baby. Let's face it. With Parker she has the magic touch. I just seem to agitate him more when he reaches a certain point! Most of the time he is all smiles and cute baby noises. But there have been a few extreme situations where we felt insanity was creeping up a little more quickly than it had any right to!
Thankfully as a teacher my schedule is such that I can be of assistance to Jenna. That is what I wanted when I was going through college. To have a job where I would be with my family. Not only that, but I have a job that I love. How do you beat that? I have to give credit to the Lord for that. As a college kid I had no actual idea what I wanted to be until it came down to prayer and what I consider to be a divine answer. It has worked out pretty divinely so far.

Dalln's grandma came to hang out at school!
Can you see the resemblance?!

With school in mind, my class this year is wonderful. My class last year was also wonderful, but they were also very difficult. That is possible, I promise. The chemistry of last year's class was such that there was a lot of contention. It didn't help that I was working on and through my internships. It also didn't help that Parker decided to come THE LAST WEEK OF SCHOOL. Talk about timing.
It all worked out. Though I am left with a small amount of guilt because I feel like I could have been a better teacher to last year's students. They are such cute kids.

That's Bubba Joe!

This year, thankfully, things are more calm. No internships to worry about. The baby is here. I can concentrate. I also have some pretty nice students and an almost too good to be true setup with a very small group. I am grateful for the break. We have also been able to do some really fun things: A friend's wedding in Cedar which turned out to be a wonderful reunion with some very old friends that, quite frankly, I didn't realize how much I miss! Traveling to Cedar and St. George OFTEN for family activities or to just get away. Picking up running again (I didn't realize I'd actually like it...), playing some video games (What did you expect?), and a great trip to the temple for a wedding last weekend of a family I hometeach who is wonderful and such a great example to me.

Lucky Dad.

So. We are doing well. Dallin is in first grade now and is doing an excellent job. We are always proud of his intellectual abilities. He does very well. I give a lot of credit for that to Jenna who spends countless hours reading with him and helping him. I try to do the same, but let's face it, Jenna does better than me in that area. Allison is dancing again. She is a natural. I picked her up yesterday, she made sure her legs were bent properly and that her toes were pointed. She is also doing preschool this year and we are pleased to see her progress. She is wired differently than Dallin, but I believe she will be successful in school also. It is hard not to be a proud parent as any parent who invests in their children knows.

Jenna dressed up as Belle for a birthday party.

Jenna is doing well also. She has some rough days with a baby, it consumes much of her energy, but she is getting back around to being busy and active. I am sure before long we'll be back to many more parties! I just love her. I don't think I could be more proud of my wife and grateful for all the things she does. It doesn't get much better than Jenna and I realize that. Are we perfect, no. But we do well. We do well because we work together on things. We read scriptures together and we pray together. We do well because we try to involved the Lord and he helps us through our weakness. Not many instant fixes, but He does send help as needed...and it is needed at times.

Lucky Man!

That's about it for us. I wanted to end with a little testimony. It is for my sake and my children's that I do this. I want them to be sure what I believe and know through my experiences. This knowledge I have of God and Jesus, the Book of Mormon, Joseph Smith, a life after this one, and any principal of the gospel that I have a real testimony of came through prayer, study, trying, lots of tears, confirmations of the spirit, dreams, feelings, and a commitment to the Lord that I hope will never fade. I have weaknesses, but we are told in Ether 12: 27: And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them. I believe it. I have felt it. I am sure I will feel it again. The greatest gift I know of from God is the assurances that come that everything will be okay in the end. It will be okay and we can trust that. The world may crumble. OUR world may crumble, but there is always a bright light ahead leading forward. I know it. Even when things are dark for me, I just can't give up hope, because in my mind's eye I see a light, and that light is for us.

Alone No More

I have been thinking about loneliness a little bit lately. Not because, I of myself am really very alone, but because even though we may be surrounded by people we love and that love us, we can feel very alone with the circumstances and events we face in our lives. So, I am not alone. But...sometimes I am alone. Perhaps this happens mostly when I keep certain feelings and thoughts to myself. Perhaps it happens when I am too afraid to express myself to someone. Perhaps it happens when I assume that others think things about me that may or may not be true. It can especially happen when we experience something very trying in our lives that we have to face by ourselves.
I believe in comfort. I know, through my own experience that it can come. It can come through friends. From family. From a spouse. It can come from our Heavenly Father, His Son, and the Spirit. I believe this.

Not Alone

Comfort is nice. It doesn't necessarily remove a trial or a conflict, or the inner turmoil we feel at times, but it can bring hope for a brighter tomorrow and peace in the troubling day. While we must still face our problems ,and in a sense we must face them alone because they are OUR problems, (You should read The Lesson by Carol Lynn Pearson - it has some excellent insights into life's troubles and teaches an important lesson. I read it every year to my students at the beginning of the year and the end.) we don't have to face them without hope or comfort. We can have faith.
Feeling alone teaches us. It can motivate us to reach out to other people so we don't feel alone. One of the best ways to lose that feeling is to help another who is struggling. There problems may be worse or not than ours. Perhaps they have experienced things we can only imagine, but when we reach out to them our loneliness fades and it is likely that theirs will be reduced. It may not make problems go away but discussing them with another can alleviate how difficult they appear and may give us renewed perspective.
Sometimes discussing them with another person or our Heavenly Father can help us see that, while heavy our burdens are not unbearable. For other trials, we may see that our burdens were never burdens at all, but blessings meant to strengthen us.
Prayer is a great help. It can lead to solutions, action (if we allow it), and enlightenment. Perhaps answers will come immediately. Most likely not. There is value in our struggle. Faith can never grow if it is never opposed, but to those who stay steadfast and never quit faith will be increased. I know this because I have experienced it. My life at this point is a result of answered prayers, Jenna, my kids, our home, even dumb stuff. I know the Lord listens. I also know that He will not always give immediately and that at times we need to prove ourselves. So we know we are ready for blessings. He will not give us more than we can handle, blessings or trials. But we need to prove ourselves. D&C 111:11 comes to mind, " Therefore, be ye as wise as serpents and yet without sin; and I will order all things for your good, as fast as ye are able to receive them. Amen." There is a lot said in that scripture and it applies well to many areas of life, especially for things we want or believe we need.

We may feel alone, and we may be left to figure things out on our own sometimes, but there are always people there willing to help as well as a Heavenly Father who I know loves each of us. I say trust and believe rather than doubt. I don't know where doubt ever got anybody when it comes to God, but I know where trust and faith take me. And I don't feel so alone when I remember that. 

Lemons and Lemonade (It's Summer, eh?)

I haven't written for a couple months. Things got crazy. Not that I didn't have time, I just didn't write. It seems that when we get out of a habit it takes some real effort to get back into it. Probably a lot like everything in life.
So what has been going on for us? A lot.

Graduation with the Family.

School ended as well as it could have. I had a bit tougher class than usual this year. The kids were very cute individually, but they had a lot of interpersonal issues at times. It made it difficult at times to focus their attention on the meat of school. As difficult as it was at times, there was a lot of progress made by them in many areas, especially considering that their teacher was rushing back and forth from the high school for his internships from January to the end of April. It all worked out and things were going pretty smoothly until Parker Isaac Corry decided to make his Entrance the last week of school! What do you do? It was the last week of school and things hit the fan as far as school was concerned. What mattered most, of course, was that Parker made it here well and safe. Still, the kids at school went a little crazy...
I was able to see them the last day of school thankfully. I miss them. Though there was nothing I could do about the end of year circumstances (family first) I wish I was able to send my students off with a little more stability. I love those kids despite anything crazy we went through together this past year.
Speaking of Parker. Jenna woke me up early (5:30-ish) that Tuesday (May 29) after Memorial Day and informed me kindly that I wouldn't be going to school that day. I only had Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday left. But our impending child delivery took complete and full precedence. We drove rather rapidly after packing to St. George with the kids. Everything went as smoothly as possible (Though we did take my mother-in-law by surprise, creating more stress for her in her already hectic life. She was awesome however when it came down to the wire.).

Another wonderful picture of our children.

After arriving in St. George, Jenna's parents (Darrell and Karen) and great-grandmother Ilene helped out with Dallin and Allison. It was a relief to have family to assist. I only had to worry about Jenna and our coming son. I still worried, but I didn't have to. Things were fine. The delivery went smoothly (as possible). Jenna went all natural this time and I am proud of how well things went. I am pretty convinced with the size of Parker (9lbs. 1oz.) that had she had the epidural things may not have been as smooth in this situation. He got stuck for a bit on the way out and she was able to tell and feel what she needed to do. The doctor ended up having the nurse push on Jenna's stomach to help Parker finish his entrance. This broke his collar bone and he came out really bruised up, but everything turned out well. I had given Jenna a blessing a few minutes before the delivery that said every thing would be okay and thankfully it was. It is interesting how by giving a blessing to Jenna that the Lord not only speaks comfort and peace to her, but it comes to me also. I suppose that is one of the great things about being able to worthily give a Priesthood blessing.
So Parker made it. We were in the hospital for a couple days. Tests and such. Everything went well. I brought the kids in to see Parker that first night. I think they were glad to see him. Dallin felt a little misplaced, as he expressed it, but he has risen to the challenge of being an excellent example of what an older brother should be. Allison has been so loving that we have had to help her withhold from expressing SO much love.
We are five weeks plus out from his deliver and things are good so far. He is healthy, and we are making the adjustment as smoothly as possible in my opinion.
Summer so far has been pretty good. As a teacher I love having summer's to renew myself. It took a bit longer this summer to get started on that due to some training we had for our District. But that is okay. Not only is their compensation, but it is a great opportunity to refocus and renew my commitment to teaching, my school, and my soon-to-be students.
So. What have I learned? It isn't enough for me to go through these experiences, I feel that I (and we) should take them, reflect, and realize that there are lesson being taught to us through experience.

Yes. I am a lucky man.

I have learned that when we have been assured of something by Lord, such as a successful pregnancy or that things will turn out okay, then we should trust Him. He constantly gives us encouragement and assurances throughout our lives if we will listen. Even when we go through the perceived "bad times", and they are excruciatingly tough at times, He will teach us through them, developing us into something greater and better. I have learned (and am still learning) that I need to take things in life with an attitude of positiveness. It does no good to dwell on the negative aspects of life. What good does it do?
I think often of President Hinckley. He was positive. It seemed good could be drawn from every experience when he was speaking. Just listening to him (and to President Monson) you knew that things would be okay. Even when President Hinckley and President Monson warned and warn of something, I know they are right and I know if I will follow their counsel things will work out well. Of course following that counsel is not something I do as diligently as I could at times. But I hope I am improving.
I have learned that life is good.

Life is Good.

You see in life what you want to see. It is funny to me to hear people talk about how hard something was, and I am not saying it wasn't hard, but perhaps if they looked at their experiences with a different lens they could see that despite the difficulty of experiences we go through their is still joy to be found. Sanctification even. Things that bring us closer to knowing God and Jesus said, "And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou has sent." (John 17:3).
So what do I know about this? Probably not as much as other people who have endured much more than I have. But after dealing with depression and severe anxiety for many years (several years ago) I think I finally am learning to put it off. To stop listening to negative thoughts, focus on the good, and know that the Lord will catch me and assist me as He sees fit. What I do know is that even though He allows things to happen that most wouldn't consider good, we can learn from them. Things resurface once in a while, it can be difficult, but time on this planet is finite. It will be over for all of us someday, and it is possible that we will be embarrassed by some of the responses we had to our trials. Thankfully our Heavenly Father is patient and loving with us. Just as we can see things our children will face and how they have to learn to respond maturely to difficulties the same applies for all of us. I may have a 30 year head start on my kids (give or take), but I realize in the eternal scheme 30 years is more like a few minutes and they will probably teach me ways to respond better to trials by the time all is said and done.

Danny and Brittney's Wedding last year.

I suppose to sum everything up, life is good and proceeding smoothly. There is no reason to think otherwise. Sure there is a drought, the west is on fire, and the world seems to be
"reeling to and fro" (Isaiah 24:20), but I can control what I can control and then we have to trust the Lord to set things right. What else can we do? There are things that we have to just let the Lord handle.
Despite the crazy world we live in, we are blessed. Jenna and I have our three children and each other and that is forever.

Graduation

Graduation is upon me.
It is kind of a bitter sweet experience so far. I suppose I thought I would be more excited and relieved that I have finished my Master's Degree. Don't get me wrong, I am glad to be done and I am proud that I did a good job, it's just that I have had such a good ride during this set of schooling and I have grown in many ways. Not only that but I have been able to interact with people in my communities (yes...plural) in more ways than I was able to before. I have gained an appreciation for those who are running the educational program in our area.

This girl LOVES the spotlight. Her dad? Not so much.

Administration of any type is difficult. People always have an opinion of how they would do something, they don't see all the forces at work, and most importantly I think they forget that administrators are human and sometimes have cruddy days like everyone else. The only issue is that they aren't allowed to show it or they are condemned as unfit leaders. Maybe not completely fair, but that is what needs to be expected by any one who will be a leader. Educational, Religious, or Civic.
Back to graduation.
Jenna is going all out for me. She always does. I am grateful she turns these things into celebrations. I may grumble about the attention and the stress of an 'event' but she adds her special touch and it makes me feel important, even when I'd rather sit with my back against the wall and watch everyone else rather than be in the front. Family has also been so supportive. We couldn't have paid for this without help from a very special lady to Jenna and I (I'll leave her anonymous, because that's how she'd want it).
There actually isn't much else to say except that: I am going to miss schooling. It's a bit weird. Last time I graduated (2005) I was VERY ready to be done. This time however, something clicked. School/Education became a sort of quest and I realized that becoming educated is one of the main purposes of this life. Not just religiously, which I believe is the most important education, but also educated in the world around us in how things work, in the sciences, mathematics, vocations, and about anything else that is of value (most likely determined by what good can be contributed to the world, perhaps a matter of opinion on some subjects...).

Thanks for your help Jenna!

It is not to say there won't be anything to do now that I will be graduating. We are having a baby soon. Very soon! We are very excited about that. I will have trainings also coming up for school. I am working on a book that regardless of how well it does in the world eye, I want to finish. I also want to finish some of my video games (this is where I look around guiltily...) ;).
I believe that receiving education for the sake of education is important, but that is not the true purpose of education. Education is for the purpose of bettering ourselves and those around us. Because of education we can educate others. With that we prepare ourselves and other for a better, more capable, future. The world pays us for what it thinks we are worth to paraphrase Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley. He is right. It isn't just about the paycheck though (which is nice) it is about being capable and credible.
I think I know a lot of people who toy with the idea of going back to school. They know they should, they kind of want to, but the thought of the commitment is frightening. Believe me that's exactly how I felt before I started. In fact it was because of a Priesthood Blessing from a very good friend that I finally was motivated enough and found the courage to plunge into my Master's. I needed a small push. It must have been the right choice. As soon as I committed to it, things became better for me and my family. There were still hard times and some of them were due to the education process, but overall I changed. The Lord blessed us...and we have a new future full of more possibilities.
To anyone considering more education: Do it. You will not be able to do it all in one day, but day by day plugging away and you will find yourself happy that you did. Some days may not feel that way, but the inner feeling of fulfillment and knowing that you are accomplishing something will strengthen you. In my case I went to the Lord over and over again to get through and sometimes to get a vision of what to do. I received many blessings, I consider myself very weak and I rely on the Lord to get me through. But...I'm through...and I am graduating.
It's bittersweet. But mostly sweet.

It's time to play!

I am glad I can focus on some other goals. But I will most likely be back for more education later. Because now that I've seen it in the light of continual progression-I don't ever want to stop learning, pushing, and growing.
But a little rest is in order...for now.

Never Giving Up. Never Quitting.

This life is full of some crazy times. Some of them are so fun and exciting we wish they would never end while others are so miserable, depressing, and...well just plain wretched that we may wonder what life is all for. I have felt that I have been through both types of events!
The temptation to quit the hard things or give up on the positive things is overwhelming at times. We think to ourselves that "there is no point", that "it isn't really worth it", "it's too hard", or that no matter how hard we try we will never achieve our goals. I have been there also. Perhaps not as often as others that I know and love. But I have had some of my own times.
Sadly to say there have been things that I have quit. Some of them may not have affected my future as much as others, but some of them have changed the whole course of my life.

Will this be how YOU feel when you reach your goals?

Gratefully, I have faith the because of a loving Heavenly Father, those times I have "quit" have been made up for the most part. Though not all. There are consequences to our actions.
We need to set goals for ourselves. For our lives. Last I checked, we as humans, and especially children of God, don't stagnate very well. We are either moving forward, or backward. This life is like running uphill. There may be a few downhill slopes for us to coast on and get our strength back, but in the end we are climbing Mt. Everest! It may not be overly pleasant to think of life that way, but I think it reminds us of the constant energy and effort we need to be applying to reach our goals...which we need to have!
Going back to school for me was one of these goals that I had wanted to do, but was quite afraid of the sacrifice that I would need to make. Thanks to a priesthood blessing, and my being humbled through a VERY trying school year several years ago I was ready to make some changes in my teaching and life direction. The idea, as I said, was overwhelming. I didn't know how I would fit everything into my life. I just knew I would try my best.

These guys are worth every bit of sacrifice.

I still have a lot of work to do in these last couple months, but graduation is nigh and the sweet feeling of a job well-done is beginning to hang over my mind. It was worth it.
I am not the only person who is afraid to try for challenging things. The thought that we can be so much more than we are through solid effort, can at times be terrifying. I think the thought that we aren't quite as much as we could be is sobering and is easy to run away from. Personally this is where most of the justification and rationalization that I do in my life comes from. But what good does it do me?
None.
These challenging things are what keep me growing and becoming more of a well-rounded person. So I cannot quit.
I know that after the end of my Master's program in May I will need new goals. I have a few. I will need new experiences to continue my growth and the growth of my family. I think of the possibilities of challenging things that people can experience and I definitely have some things that if it is up to me I will cross them off my list. However, regardless what comes our way in this life, we have an obligation to ourselves, to our families (wives, husbands, children, and even the extended), and to our God to give things our best shot and never give up. To never quit. If we never quit we never TRULY lose. As I say to my kids at school, "I'd rather be a loser than a quitter."

This was definitely one of those bright times!

The one comfort that stands through all of the tough times we go through (and put ourselves through sometimes) is that God is watching by. He will lend a hand in times of trouble. However it is my opinion that He will not intervene when the challenge is something that we need for our growth or that He is confident we can get through. Of course even in those times I feel there is comfort and a still, small voice that whispers for us to keep going and never give up. Never. Give. Up.
There is always a brighter tomorrow. We do not know the joys that our lives will hold in a near or a distant future. While things may seem dark now they will get better. We will be stronger. The satisfaction of seeing challenges through will be ours and we will know that our strength and our capabilities are infinitely greater than we could have ever imagined. Happiness comes to those who never give up, who trust in the Lord, and who find strength in the people around them. We are not left alone. Not by our families and friends, and NEVER by our God.

Insanity Does Have a Good Side!

It's been a good week. It has also been a crazy week. Internships and school dominate my daily life. I enjoy them immensely.
The past month has been good also. There have been some ups and downs, but overall it has been a really positive time for our family.
We found out (well...a sure confirmation anyway) on January 8, 2012 that our baby on the way is a boy. I am glad for this, not because it matters either way, we love our children regardless of being boys or girls, but I am glad because of some feelings I had felt and this was a nice confirmation that I wasn't too crazy.
Though...I am crazy...and maybe a bit insane.
I'll admit that before anyone else.

If anybody understands an internship it's the guy to my left!

I am sure all of us have our episodes of crazy. We do too much. We're tired and overwhelmed. Bad things happen. We watch others live their lives and know WE'D do it differently. We aren't as organized as we feel we could be. There are a million things that can add to our feeling a little bit nuts.
Is this a bad thing? I don't know if it is entirely, I think it is in the handling of these crazy/stressful episodes that we find out what we are capable of. It also gives us an opportunity to ask for help. From others. From God. Help seems to always come. Whether in the form of a friend. A spouse. A son or daughter. Or peace from our Heavenly Father in our hearts that things will work out. They always do.

Reach out.

The 'best' results are not always what we have planned, but often times on the other side of the trial, or struggle, or insanity (in my case) things are better than I could have planned. Much better. So much so that often I realize that I couldn't have dreamed up anything so good for myself. The Lord knows what we really need. I know this because many of my own plans have turned over in my life and when I got to the "other side of crazy" I could look back and see the hand of the Lord and the new blessings in my life. Material blessings? Sure sometimes. Spiritual insight and a greater comprehension of my purpose on earth? Absolutely, almost every time if I will just look and see.
My internship experience has been one of these experiences. It has been quite difficult on certain, very, very long days. But I think of myself before I returned to school and I am glad I have made some improvements in my life and profession. The Lord knew I could be so much more, I just had to trust him. He has helped me every step of the way, directly, or through other people.

Some of my support team. Can't forget the lady taking the picture!

One of the blessings of these hard things we go through, this little bit of crazy, is that we come out with a greater understanding of ourselves, our God, and those around us. I believe that if we allow it-Charity for our fellowman (and woman) can be one of the greatest results of difficult times. What greater gift is there? None that I am aware of. Moroni 7: 46 states: "Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail—" I believe that while charity is a gift from God that we must pray for, it is also given opportunity to blossom as we deal productively with our own crazy lives. He can turn these hard things into a gift that we can use to benefit the lives of others. We may not experience exactly the same things, but we can love more and more as we learn more about His love. 

Ann knows how to capture my greatest mortal supporter! 

So. Yes, it has been a little crazy this last week, but I have felt the love I have for those people around me at work and home increase. How can it not increase when I have children who can tell when something is wrong and who tell me they love me? Or when I have a wife who takes the time to discuss my craziness and who listens, parents who still have incredible concern, and friends who can tell when I am struggling and approach me about it. These people around me and around us are a part of those angels who comfort us and who are sent from God. They listen to him, whether they realize it or not, and do His will to help me and those around them. 

Covenants

So it has been another while since my last post. I have not been writing as much as I usually do. I guess it has something to do with my internships, crazy class, my wonderful children, and my beautiful wife expecting. It is like there is nothing to do or something!
It is also Christmas time. A time I love because of the focus we can put on our Savior, but also a time that is considerably stressful because of strapped finances, worries about extended family and friends, and too many parties! Just kidding about the parties, my wife and I can't seem to say no to parties! Oh well.
A few things have been on my mind of late and I feel that this is my personal spot to talk about them without it having to make too much sense. After all the name of my blog is Insights, Thoughts, and a Little Insanity. Insanity seems to be a prevailing force in my life as of late, so I am glad I included it in the title. Who knew how prophetic it would be of the adult years: working, serving in the Church, and raising children.
Okay. So what's on my mind? Well there are a few things, but my main frustration lately is  the attitude many people take toward their Temple covenants.  If you think I am going to get really preachy from here on out, you may be right, but one of the most sacred things I have ever done was to go and covenant with God in the Temple that I would live his laws the rest of my life and beyond. It wasn't a joke. It wasn't a "if I feel like it". It was life or death. My soul is on the line.
Regardless of people's reflection on their Temple experience, the fact remains: They made a covenant. It needs to be kept. It is a matter of honor to God and self. If things have happened that have led to a slackening of commitment, I would say get back on track. We can't blame other people, no matter the situation, for our lack of commitment to God. It doesn't matter the 'hard' things we have gone through, or that we don't think we were prepared, or what not. We said we'd do something. So do it. Go back to the Temple, wear your garments properly. After all we have been taught that the way we wear them is a "outward expression" of our commitment to God. What else that we could be committed to could POSSIBLY be better than being committed to God in our personal and public lives?
I am usually a pretty patient and (I think) understanding person, but when it comes to throwing out promises we made to God, I boil inside. People act as if it is too hard to keep those commitments they made. I cannot understand or accept this. I feel that life is much harder and much more confusing when we don't keep those promises. They keep me safe. Anybody can do it, especially if a person as weak as me can do it.
Our lives revolve around our desires and our use of agency. How and where we spend our time, our money, and our words show our desires and our heart. I absolutely have things I need to fine-tune. But I can't do it on my own and keeping those Temple promises is one way for me to show God that I NEED his help. I NEED IT. How could I throw the only sure source of help out the window. Where much is given much is required (D&C 82:3).

There are people who have been to the Temple and who haven't. I absolutely believe that God will be more merciful to those who haven't been in some ways, rather than those that have been and then gone back on their word of honor. However I believe that he will be the most rewarding and happy with those who have been and who have kept their part of the covenant to the best of their ability.
We may not always live our covenants perfectly, we must always continue to get up when we fall, but we cannot quit, or give it away as if it has no worth, for those covenants are everything to this life and our eternal life after.
So, I would rather be a loser, in the eyes of the world, than a quitter in the eyes of my Father in Heaven and His Son. To those reading this, that I love, who have made covenants and who are struggling: Pick it up. There is no other source of joy or peace that can compare with the blessing of our Father in Heaven that comes through keeping our part of the bargain.

Forgiveness and Freedom

Forgiveness and freedom are intertwined. As humans experiencing mortality, life is too short to hold on to the pain and hurt we choose to feel when we are offended. I have chosen to be offended at times. I hate how it makes me feel. My inability to communicate effectively, the weight on my mind of anger or bitterness, and the withdrawal from things of light and happiness.

Sure I may have experienced the pain of someone saying hurtful things or doing something to disappoint me, but how many times have I said something that could have done the same to someone else? Many times things escape our mouths that we may believe in the moment, but when we step back and realize what we have spoken we realize the truth. Many times to our shame.
The Lord commanded us to forgive. He says, "I the Lord will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men (D&C 64:10)." This commandment is for our good. We are not capable of carrying the burden of bitterness and anger around without damaging our spirit, and even our body. Anger and hurt not only hurt us spiritually, but they can change our perception of those around us. Where we once were able to trust and love our neighbor we now give way to mistrust and suspicion of kind motives.
Forgiveness is being able to let things 'slide off our back'. It doesn't mean that we put ourselves in the way of malicious people. It doesn't mean that we continue to associate with people who continue to hurt us. Of course not. But we give people the benefit of the doubt. We also learn that despite their actions we are going to be okay. We learn and believe that deep down most people are trying to be good and we all do and say foolish things along the way. This does not give us license to just give up trying not to offend people, we need to be sensitive to the feelings of others. Unkind words can destroy or tear down, while kind words build and help develop other people around us.
I have had my experiences with situations where I have taken offence. Bullying as a child, watching the mistreatment of those I love, and the words of others. However I am learning that I it is just too much work to hold on to a grudge. Despite my perceptions of other people's actions, I don't know their heart. I don't know their struggles. I don't always know what really happened and I need to withhold my judgment. My personal feeling is that I want the Lord to be charitable to me and I ought to be so with those around me. I hope that when I meet those people who have in my opinion have offended I can meet them openly and honestly with a feeling of charity. I can still improve in this area but the scripture in the New Testament echoes often in my mind, "For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what means ye mete, it shall be measured to you again (Matthew 7:2)."

I have not experienced some of the painful things others have in my life, I have had my own experiences though with the cruelty of others. My experiences pale in contrast with many people, for that I am grateful. I have erred often in making bad judgments of other people and I have regretted it when I find out the whole story. I am grateful for the Lord's gift of forgiveness. I have needed plenty in my life and will need more. I hope to be able to forgive "all men". It is not the easiest thing, but it is easier in the long run when compared to the alternative mindset.
This challenge can be approached with the faith that God will help us through.
Gaining charity in our dealings with other people seems to be key in the forgiveness of others. Moroni commanded us, "Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen. (Moroni 7:48)." That's it. Amen.

Internship Insights

I have been a horrible blogger. This is ironic, because I love to write. Unfortunately, or fortunately, as one may look at it, I have been excessively busy. It isn't the kind of busy where I am constantly productive either. A lot of it has been 'putting in hours'. I am almost done with my Master's Degree and to finish it up I need to get a whole lot of internship hours. I have all school year to do this, but I am a little bit neurotic about getting things accomplished and have probably overdone some of my hours. I am a fourth of the way done, and I am only one month into school.
I do this for a reason, get much done now and have less to do later. I hope however in the process I keep my life in balance.

I am thankful for my wife who is consistently supportive of me in this. I am thankful for my children who miss me during the long days that I have had recently. Just knowing that they wish I was around make my heart a bit tender. I have wonderful children.
During this internship time I have been learning about the job of a school principal: high school and elementary. I have seen and am seeing how much goes on behind the scenes of a school that is never appreciated, or even realized by not only parents and students, but even the teachers. Administrators earn their money. Extra hours, demands of all involved, and a scheduled that as planned as possible never seems to really go as planned. These aren't bad things. I have found them, in my small experience as an intern, to be really enjoyable.
Education isn't just about children learning. It is keeping teachers educated, helping parents know how to best teach, befriending members of the community, and learning to find ways where parties can come to agreements when agreement doesn't seem initially possible.
I have new respect for the school administrator.
Which is why the counsel given by the Lord in D&C 121 rings even more true to me. The end of this section, in my opinion is the perfect format for leadership. In any given situation, the principles are solid. This section is dealing with Priesthood authority in the church and home. But any authority that is given to us in our communities or church will flourish when these principles area applied to them:

 "Hence, many are called, but few are chosen. No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned. By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile. Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou has reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy; That he may know that they faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death. Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish they thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon they soul as the dews from heaven. The Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion, and they scepter and unchanging scepter of righteousness and truth; and thy dominion shall be an everlasting, and without compulsory means it shall flow unto thee forever and ever (v. 40-46)."
I had a student I was helping to behave last night ask me why I wasn't more aggressive. I asked him later why he was. It was a bit of a humorous exchange, but I thought about it. I didn't need to be aggressive. I needed to be calm and patient. The student knew he was a bit out of line, he knew what my job was, and things were fine. I see too often situations handled with anger or 'authority' and little good comes of it. I have found also that most of the time, people just need to feel a little proximity to those put in leadership to realize they need change certain behaviors.
I think the Lord works this way. There is no force. There is no compulsion. There is just His presence and his principles he has lined out for us. Certainly there is rebuke when it is needed, but as the scripture says, there is "an increase of love" "That [we] may know that [His] faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death v. 43-44)."
Reading scriptures, praying, serving, attending church, these things keep us in the proximity of the Lord. When we feel we are close to Him, it is easier to watch our choices and our treatment of others.
Getting back to God isn't a complicated process. It involves simple steps, it only gets harder when we cease habits that put us within the proximity of our Father in Heaven, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost.
So see...I am learning something from all these internship hours! I love working with the students, teachers, and parents. It is not always easy to help people and 'keep the peace', but it can be done with effort, and revelation (yes, even in a public setting!).
I am also learning, that I need to balance things out better. I seem to always be thinking and striving for balance, and yet the application has yet to fully come!
Thankfully I have a supportive, beautiful wife who keeps me going and keeps me positive. If anyone on this earth loves me outside of my parents, I know it is her, and I am a blessed man because of it. She exemplifies womanhood and I will brag her up forever!

Today and Lehi's Dream

Practical application. That's what we are taught to do with the scriptures. Today I was reading Lehi's account of his dream. I have read it before. Many, many times. It stood out more powerfully to me today. I think a lot of it has to do with my concern over people not only accepting the gospel, but living it and staying true to it afterwards. Nothing changes lives more profoundly than the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Nothing is sweeter. Nothing can bring about a change of heart in the same way.

Yet, it is a hard thing for people to fully embrace sometimes. It doesn't matter to them that it will bring a fullness of joy, or that life will become easier in many aspects because of the safety following Jesus brings. I am not immune from some of these same problems, even as a baptized member who wants to live the gospel fully. There are things I don't want to do because I am more comfortable the "way I am". Thankfully the Lord does not give up on any of us. Ever.

In Lehi's dream we are given symbolism that illustrates many situations that we see in people's acceptance of the gospel. We have those like Lehi, who lead others to the tree of life, or the gospel. We have others, who are invited and hold to the rod all the way to the tree of life. We have others, like Laman and Lemuel, that look at the Lehi's like they are crazy and won't even consider the gospel. There are also people feeling their way to the great and spacious building who could care less about the gospel. Lastly there are those who partake of the fruit, last for a while and then leave, ashamed that they were members of the church.

Mists of darkness arise for us all at times, they cloud our way and obstruct our goals. Things can seem hard to discern and things that we thought were right are challenged by so many conflicting views.

What is the secret? It is that rod of iron that represents the little things that we do every single day. And we never let go.

Our prayers to our Heavenly Father, even on days we are not sure He is listening. Our scripture study, even when our kids are screaming at each other. Our home and visiting teaching. Going weekly to church, even when we could be doing something a lot more fun. God does not miss these things and He will come through for us.

But will we come through for Him? Not just for a day, or a week, or a month, or a year, or even several years. But will we come through with our whole souls and whole lives? It is not wasted. He says in Doctrine and Covenants 56:18, "But blessed are the poor who are poor in heart, whose hearts are broken, and whose spirits are contrite, for they shall see the kingdom of God coming in power and great glory unto their deliverance; for the fatness of the earth shall be theirs."

I believe it. I want it. But do I want it bad enough?

Thankfully we have Jesus to help us achieve these things despite our weakness. We can change and do better. Matthew 5:8 states, "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God."

That tree of life is there for every soul living on this planet. Some care. Some don't. I suppose to each their own when it comes down to it. But I want it. I hope I can stay strong enough to make it. I hope I can help my family, friends, and others I love get there. I realize that people have agency. They can choose. They need that right. But there is a better way, and it really does bring happiness. But we can't really know until we really try. Working in missionary work in my ward has been one of the greatest blessings of my life. Perhaps even equal to my full-time mission. It is heartbreaking at times to see people almost accept the gospel, or accept than fall away. I wish I could choose for them sometimes. But my testimony still stands that God lives. Jesus is our Savior and His church is on the earth at this time. I am grateful for that. Everything good in my life has come from the Tree of Life, which we know is equal to the "Love of God (1 Nephi 11:25)".