Our family thrived in 2020. We spent a lot of unorganized, but good, time together. We went on short hikes. We played games. We had a few car rides. We did school (and even dance!) from home. We struggled and coped with the tough things - like everyone else - we worried about what could happen, and thankfully for us didn’t happen. We have tried to be good citizens and hopefully done our part to help those around us.
Personally, I have felt that I have learned to let things go to God more than I have in the past. I started this year with a pretty severe experience with panic. It lasted way longer than I had ever experienced it up to that point. I was surprised. It left some lasting damage with some body responses to stress. Hopefully over time, those responses will get better. Tightness in my chest occurs more than it used to after what I went through. Learning to let my body do its job has been more of a battle. Even something as simple as getting a good breath has had to be relearned. Stupid things that panic and anxiety can do to your body if you let things get out of control.
2020 was also a good year for me to realize that there are things in my life I don't want to take for granted. Like going to work and seeing my awesome students. Having that taken away for a few months helped me to come back even more grateful for those day to day interactions with amazing humans.
I read some great books this year. The Book of Mormon of course! It was a great year to study Come Follow Me. There are so many parallels in the Book of Mormon to what we experienced this year as a society. Unknowns and Trusting God kinds of lessons. There are lessons on equality and appropriate responses to opposition. There are lessons on doing what is right even in the face of terrible opposition. People who had to go it alone. Just like we have to go it alone at times. Even in those alone times, we have prayer. We have God.
Why do we have to go through hard times? To become God-like. We don’t develop character for free. We don’t learn patience by never having to be patient. We don’t learn gratitude for good times, by only having good times. Our tough experiences - our stretching, painful, terrible experiences - things we didn’t ask for, but that we are allowed to pass through because they have the potential (not the guarantee) of helping us develop into better, stronger, kinder, and more loving people. Will those things we pass through make us better people? That’s up to us.
That’s what I worry about with 2020. We are in a global pandemic. Not just that though. We have witnessed racism, civic unrest, and political turmoil. It’s all very difficult to observe - and sometimes we feel powerless to combat these things. The thing that bothers me most at this time is that we might forget everything we’ve learned when things DO get better. They WILL get better, but will we be better? I hope I am. I hope I am kinder, gentler, and more turned towards God, but I worry about my weakness. I worry about my own complacency. Complacency is comfortable. I like being comfortable! But I WANT to be better. I want to be closer to God. If 2020 has done anything for me, I hope I can see my mortal life through a more Eternal lens. One that allows me to keep the end in mind. One that takes the little mundane things, and puts them in a place of Eternal significance.
I want to be better.
I want my family to be better.
I want my friends to be better.
I want to look at those I love with more kindness and love.
I want us all to look around at the people in our “sphere” of influence, and make that world a better place. That will bleed into the world at large. If we all just do a little better we can be the “salt” that seasons the world around us. I don’t want the lessons of 2020 that I have learned to be forgotten. Those lessons for me are that I need to keep God first. I try to be a very religious person - obedient, kind, loving. I want to follow the things I have been asked to do with exactness - while at the same time conceding that I live in a fallen world, and I rely on the Atonement of Jesus Christ to make up the difference in areas where I am just plain not enough. Perfection - hopefully - is pending and will be granted at some point in time.
I am grateful to end 2020 with a firm belief in my Savior, Jesus Christ. I am grateful to belong to His Church - that works hard and with sincere effort to improve this world and to do work for those who cannot.
I am grateful for reassurances from the Holy Ghost in difficult times. Those reassurances are available for all of us if we will look in the right direction. They can get us through any year no matter the difficulties.
Happy New Year!
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