Insights, Thoughts, and a Little Insanity!

Insanity Does Have a Good Side!

2012-01-21T07:23:00.001-07:00

It's been a good week. It has also been a crazy week. Internships and school dominate my daily life. I enjoy them immensely.
The past month has been good also. There have been some ups and downs, but overall it has been a really positive time for our family.
We found out (well...a sure confirmation anyway) on January 8, 2012 that our baby on the way is a boy. I am glad for this, not because it matters either way, we love our children regardless of being boys or girls, but I am glad because of some feelings I had felt and this was a nice confirmation that I wasn't too crazy.
Though...I am crazy...and maybe a bit insane.
I'll admit that before anyone else.

If anybody understands an internship it's the guy to my left!

I am sure all of us have our episodes of crazy. We do too much. We're tired and overwhelmed. Bad things happen. We watch others live their lives and know WE'D do it differently. We aren't as organized as we feel we could be. There are a million things that can add to our feeling a little bit nuts.
Is this a bad thing? I don't know if it is entirely, I think it is in the handling of these crazy/stressful episodes that we find out what we are capable of. It also gives us an opportunity to ask for help. From others. From God. Help seems to always come. Whether in the form of a friend. A spouse. A son or daughter. Or peace from our Heavenly Father in our hearts that things will work out. They always do.

Reach out.

The 'best' results are not always what we have planned, but often times on the other side of the trial, or struggle, or insanity (in my case) things are better than I could have planned. Much better. So much so that often I realize that I couldn't have dreamed up anything so good for myself. The Lord knows what we really need. I know this because many of my own plans have turned over in my life and when I got to the "other side of crazy" I could look back and see the hand of the Lord and the new blessings in my life. Material blessings? Sure sometimes. Spiritual insight and a greater comprehension of my purpose on earth? Absolutely, almost every time if I will just look and see.
My internship experience has been one of these experiences. It has been quite difficult on certain, very, very long days. But I think of myself before I returned to school and I am glad I have made some improvements in my life and profession. The Lord knew I could be so much more, I just had to trust him. He has helped me every step of the way, directly, or through other people.

Some of my support team. Can't forget the lady taking the picture!

One of the blessings of these hard things we go through, this little bit of crazy, is that we come out with a greater understanding of ourselves, our God, and those around us. I believe that if we allow it-Charity for our fellowman (and woman) can be one of the greatest results of difficult times. What greater gift is there? None that I am aware of. Moroni 7: 46 states: "Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail—" I believe that while charity is a gift from God that we must pray for, it is also given opportunity to blossom as we deal productively with our own crazy lives. He can turn these hard things into a gift that we can use to benefit the lives of others. We may not experience exactly the same things, but we can love more and more as we learn more about His love.

Ann knows how to capture my greatest mortal supporter!

So. Yes, it has been a little crazy this last week, but I have felt the love I have for those people around me at work and home increase. How can it not increase when I have children who can tell when something is wrong and who tell me they love me? Or when I have a wife who takes the time to discuss my craziness and who listens, parents who still have incredible concern, and friends who can tell when I am struggling and approach me about it. These people around me and around us are a part of those angels who comfort us and who are sent from God. They listen to him, whether they realize it or not, and do His will to help me and those around them.

Covenants

2011-12-18T07:45:00.002-07:00

So it has been another while since my last post. I have not been writing as much as I usually do. I guess it has something to do with my internships, crazy class, my wonderful children, and my beautiful wife expecting. It is like there is nothing to do or something!
It is also Christmas time. A time I love because of the focus we can put on our Savior, but also a time that is considerably stressful because of strapped finances, worries about extended family and friends, and too many parties! Just kidding about the parties, my wife and I can't seem to say no to parties! Oh well.
A few things have been on my mind of late and I feel that this is my personal spot to talk about them without it having to make too much sense. After all the name of my blog is Insights, Thoughts, and a Little Insanity. Insanity seems to be a prevailing force in my life as of late, so I am glad I included it in the title. Who knew how prophetic it would be of the adult years: working, serving in the Church, and raising children.
Okay. So what's on my mind? Well there are a few things, but my main frustration lately is the attitude many people take toward their Temple covenants. If you think I am going to get really preachy from here on out, you may be right, but one of the most sacred things I have ever done was to go and covenant with God in the Temple that I would live his laws the rest of my life and beyond. It wasn't a joke. It wasn't a "if I feel like it". It was life or death. My soul is on the line.
Regardless of people's reflection on their Temple experience, the fact remains: They made a covenant. It needs to be kept. It is a matter of honor to God and self. If things have happened that have led to a slackening of commitment, I would say get back on track. We can't blame other people, no matter the situation, for our lack of commitment to God. It doesn't matter the 'hard' things we have gone through, or that we don't think we were prepared, or what not. We said we'd do something. So do it. Go back to the Temple, wear your garments properly. After all we have been taught that the way we wear them is a "outward expression" of our commitment to God. What else that we could be committed to could POSSIBLY be better than being committed to God in our personal and public lives?
I am usually a pretty patient and (I think) understanding person, but when it comes to throwing out promises we made to God, I boil inside. People act as if it is too hard to keep those commitments they made. I cannot understand or accept this. I feel that life is much harder and much more confusing when we don't keep those promises. They keep me safe. Anybody can do it, especially if a person as weak as me can do it.
Our lives revolve around our desires and our use of agency. How and where we spend our time, our money, and our words show our desires and our heart. I absolutely have things I need to fine-tune. But I can't do it on my own and keeping those Temple promises is one way for me to show God that I NEED his help. I NEED IT. How could I throw the only sure source of help out the window. Where much is given much is required (D&C 82:3).

There are people who have been to the Temple and who haven't. I absolutely believe that God will be more merciful to those who haven't been in some ways, rather than those that have been and then gone back on their word of honor. However I believe that he will be the most rewarding and happy with those who have been and who have kept their part of the covenant to the best of their ability.
We may not always live our covenants perfectly, we must always continue to get up when we fall, but we cannot quit, or give it away as if it has no worth, for those covenants are everything to this life and our eternal life after.
So, I would rather be a loser, in the eyes of the world, than a quitter in the eyes of my Father in Heaven and His Son. To those reading this, that I love, who have made covenants and who are struggling: Pick it up. There is no other source of joy or peace that can compare with the blessing of our Father in Heaven that comes through keeping our part of the bargain.

Forgiveness and Freedom

2011-10-05T06:07:00.001-06:00

Forgiveness and freedom are intertwined. As humans experiencing mortality, life is too short to hold on to the pain and hurt we choose to feel when we are offended. I have chosen to be offended at times. I hate how it makes me feel. My inability to communicate effectively, the weight on my mind of anger or bitterness, and the withdrawal from things of light and happiness.

Sure I may have experienced the pain of someone saying hurtful things or doing something to disappoint me, but how many times have I said something that could have done the same to someone else? Many times things escape our mouths that we may believe in the moment, but when we step back and realize what we have spoken we realize the truth. Many times to our shame.
The Lord commanded us to forgive. He says, "I the Lord will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men (D&C 64:10)." This commandment is for our good. We are not capable of carrying the burden of bitterness and anger around without damaging our spirit, and even our body. Anger and hurt not only hurt us spiritually, but they can change our perception of those around us. Where we once were able to trust and love our neighbor we now give way to mistrust and suspicion of kind motives.
Forgiveness is being able to let things 'slide off our back'. It doesn't mean that we put ourselves in the way of malicious people. It doesn't mean that we continue to associate with people who continue to hurt us. Of course not. But we give people the benefit of the doubt. We also learn that despite their actions we are going to be okay. We learn and believe that deep down most people are trying to be good and we all do and say foolish things along the way. This does not give us license to just give up trying not to offend people, we need to be sensitive to the feelings of others. Unkind words can destroy or tear down, while kind words build and help develop other people around us.
I have had my experiences with situations where I have taken offence. Bullying as a child, watching the mistreatment of those I love, and the words of others. However I am learning that I it is just too much work to hold on to a grudge. Despite my perceptions of other people's actions, I don't know their heart. I don't know their struggles. I don't always know what really happened and I need to withhold my judgment. My personal feeling is that I want the Lord to be charitable to me and I ought to be so with those around me. I hope that when I meet those people who have in my opinion have offended I can meet them openly and honestly with a feeling of charity. I can still improve in this area but the scripture in the New Testament echoes often in my mind, "For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what means ye mete, it shall be measured to you again (Matthew 7:2)."

I have not experienced some of the painful things others have in my life, I have had my own experiences though with the cruelty of others. My experiences pale in contrast with many people, for that I am grateful. I have erred often in making bad judgments of other people and I have regretted it when I find out the whole story. I am grateful for the Lord's gift of forgiveness. I have needed plenty in my life and will need more. I hope to be able to forgive "all men". It is not the easiest thing, but it is easier in the long run when compared to the alternative mindset.
This challenge can be approached with the faith that God will help us through.
Gaining charity in our dealings with other people seems to be key in the forgiveness of others. Moroni commanded us, "Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen. (Moroni 7:48)." That's it. Amen.

Internship Insights

2011-09-23T05:59:00.001-06:00

I have been a horrible blogger. This is ironic, because I love to write. Unfortunately, or fortunately, as one may look at it, I have been excessively busy. It isn't the kind of busy where I am constantly productive either. A lot of it has been 'putting in hours'. I am almost done with my Master's Degree and to finish it up I need to get a whole lot of internship hours. I have all school year to do this, but I am a little bit neurotic about getting things accomplished and have probably overdone some of my hours. I am a fourth of the way done, and I am only one month into school.
I do this for a reason, get much done now and have less to do later. I hope however in the process I keep my life in balance.

I am thankful for my wife who is consistently supportive of me in this. I am thankful for my children who miss me during the long days that I have had recently. Just knowing that they wish I was around make my heart a bit tender. I have wonderful children.
During this internship time I have been learning about the job of a school principal: high school and elementary. I have seen and am seeing how much goes on behind the scenes of a school that is never appreciated, or even realized by not only parents and students, but even the teachers. Administrators earn their money. Extra hours, demands of all involved, and a scheduled that as planned as possible never seems to really go as planned. These aren't bad things. I have found them, in my small experience as an intern, to be really enjoyable.
Education isn't just about children learning. It is keeping teachers educated, helping parents know how to best teach, befriending members of the community, and learning to find ways where parties can come to agreements when agreement doesn't seem initially possible.
I have new respect for the school administrator.
Which is why the counsel given by the Lord in D&C 121 rings even more true to me. The end of this section, in my opinion is the perfect format for leadership. In any given situation, the principles are solid. This section is dealing with Priesthood authority in the church and home. But any authority that is given to us in our communities or church will flourish when these principles area applied to them:

"Hence, many are called, but few are chosen. No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned. By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile. Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou has reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy; That he may know that they faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death. Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish they thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon they soul as the dews from heaven. The Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion, and they scepter and unchanging scepter of righteousness and truth; and thy dominion shall be an everlasting, and without compulsory means it shall flow unto thee forever and ever (v. 40-46)."
I had a student I was helping to behave last night ask me why I wasn't more aggressive. I asked him later why he was. It was a bit of a humorous exchange, but I thought about it. I didn't need to be aggressive. I needed to be calm and patient. The student knew he was a bit out of line, he knew what my job was, and things were fine. I see too often situations handled with anger or 'authority' and little good comes of it. I have found also that most of the time, people just need to feel a little proximity to those put in leadership to realize they need change certain behaviors.
I think the Lord works this way. There is no force. There is no compulsion. There is just His presence and his principles he has lined out for us. Certainly there is rebuke when it is needed, but as the scripture says, there is "an increase of love" "That [we] may know that [His] faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death v. 43-44)."
Reading scriptures, praying, serving, attending church, these things keep us in the proximity of the Lord. When we feel we are close to Him, it is easier to watch our choices and our treatment of others.
Getting back to God isn't a complicated process. It involves simple steps, it only gets harder when we cease habits that put us within the proximity of our Father in Heaven, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost.
So see...I am learning something from all these internship hours! I love working with the students, teachers, and parents. It is not always easy to help people and 'keep the peace', but it can be done with effort, and revelation (yes, even in a public setting!).
I am also learning, that I need to balance things out better. I seem to always be thinking and striving for balance, and yet the application has yet to fully come!
Thankfully I have a supportive, beautiful wife who keeps me going and keeps me positive. If anyone on this earth loves me outside of my parents, I know it is her, and I am a blessed man because of it. She exemplifies womanhood and I will brag her up forever!

Today and Lehi's Dream

2011-07-17T18:38:00.003-06:00

Practical application. That's what we are taught to do with the scriptures. Today I was reading Lehi's account of his dream. I have read it before. Many, many times. It stood out more powerfully to me today. I think a lot of it has to do with my concern over people not only accepting the gospel, but living it and staying true to it afterwards. Nothing changes lives more profoundly than the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Nothing is sweeter. Nothing can bring about a change of heart in the same way.

Yet, it is a hard thing for people to fully embrace sometimes. It doesn't matter to them that it will bring a fullness of joy, or that life will become easier in many aspects because of the safety following Jesus brings. I am not immune from some of these same problems, even as a baptized member who wants to live the gospel fully. There are things I don't want to do because I am more comfortable the "way I am". Thankfully the Lord does not give up on any of us. Ever.

In Lehi's dream we are given symbolism that illustrates many situations that we see in people's acceptance of the gospel. We have those like Lehi, who lead others to the tree of life, or the gospel. We have others, who are invited and hold to the rod all the way to the tree of life. We have others, like Laman and Lemuel, that look at the Lehi's like they are crazy and won't even consider the gospel. There are also people feeling their way to the great and spacious building who could care less about the gospel. Lastly there are those who partake of the fruit, last for a while and then leave, ashamed that they were members of the church.

Mists of darkness arise for us all at times, they cloud our way and obstruct our goals. Things can seem hard to discern and things that we thought were right are challenged by so many conflicting views.

What is the secret? It is that rod of iron that represents the little things that we do every single day. And we never let go.

Our prayers to our Heavenly Father, even on days we are not sure He is listening. Our scripture study, even when our kids are screaming at each other. Our home and visiting teaching. Going weekly to church, even when we could be doing something a lot more fun. God does not miss these things and He will come through for us.

But will we come through for Him? Not just for a day, or a week, or a month, or a year, or even several years. But will we come through with our whole souls and whole lives? It is not wasted. He says in Doctrine and Covenants 56:18, "But blessed are the poor who are poor in heart, whose hearts are broken, and whose spirits are contrite, for they shall see the kingdom of God coming in power and great glory unto their deliverance; for the fatness of the earth shall be theirs."

I believe it. I want it. But do I want it bad enough?

Thankfully we have Jesus to help us achieve these things despite our weakness. We can change and do better. Matthew 5:8 states, "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God."

That tree of life is there for every soul living on this planet. Some care. Some don't. I suppose to each their own when it comes down to it. But I want it. I hope I can stay strong enough to make it. I hope I can help my family, friends, and others I love get there. I realize that people have agency. They can choose. They need that right. But there is a better way, and it really does bring happiness. But we can't really know until we really try. Working in missionary work in my ward has been one of the greatest blessings of my life. Perhaps even equal to my full-time mission. It is heartbreaking at times to see people almost accept the gospel, or accept than fall away. I wish I could choose for them sometimes. But my testimony still stands that God lives. Jesus is our Savior and His church is on the earth at this time. I am grateful for that. Everything good in my life has come from the Tree of Life, which we know is equal to the "Love of God (1 Nephi 11:25)".

End of Everything...Again!

2011-05-25T18:49:00.006-06:00

School is out. Activities are winding down. Summer is upon us. THANKFULLY. Perhaps I say this too soon as I am starting four Master's classes next week, but at least there will be a few days respite! This last week of school was not my favorite, not because of the school or students but because the events concerning a former student noted in my previous post. I have been so utterly worried about things I can't control that my wife has had it confirmed that I am certifiably insane! Perhaps this is where trusting the Lord comes into play. There are things that are in His control will be worked out.

ANYWAY. This was the last day of school with my students. I have to say that the last two years I have had with students have been very, very close to heaven. The students have been wonderful. This year I had the privilege of working with two Mrs. Glovers and they were very wonderful to work with.

My class this year had a great mix of personalities. Funny, loud, outspoken, goofy, serious, shy, and just about every other mix you can think of. That was only in eighteen children. I miss them already!

I live in Orderville and teach in Kanab. I have a separation from my job. This is a good thing. It gives me a chance to really change gears and not let my two 'lives' interfere. I try to leave work at work. However I don't try to leave family at home. They are most definitely welcome at work! I love my job. I love the people I work with. I love the students I teach. I also love being able to come home and be with my family and not stress (too much) about my job. Of course there have been days.

I feel like my job is a blessing. It is not as great a blessing as my wife Jenna. Nor is it as great as my children or membership in the Church. But it has given me opportunity to serve and help others. Not just children, but those I work with. I don't know how effective my service has been for others, but I believe that it has saved me, and will continue to do so.

The Lord provides us many opportunities to be of service. Like the school year, they end. Things we feel that will go on forever, don't. Time passes. This is good. It is also sobering. We only have so much time to be an influence for good on those around us. Then that time passes. There are so many people to care for and reach out to that it can be overwhelming. But we try anyway.

I don't claim to do a very good job with my time, but with my students this year and last year I feel satisfied, happy, and confident that we did a great job. Not perfect, but great. I realize that someday I will retire. It will come sooner than I can believe, I hope I can say that I was a positive influence on some lives. Not just in learning for school, but for life.

This same concept/principle applies to my children and wife at home. Thankfully we are sealed, we will be eternal. But that doesn't mean Jenna and I have an infinite window to teach them. We don't. We need to take advantage of the time given us to teach them how to make correct decisions. If we don't someone else will teach them how to make decisions. Who will that be? I don't want to leave that up to chance.

The Lord knows that we aren't here forever. We have a set amount of time to improve our circumstances and talents (Ecclesiastes 3). We have a set amount of time to serve those around us. We need to balance this. We need to care for ourselves and our families, but while we're at it we can keep our hearts and minds open for those around us who need that extra help. I believe as we take the time to study and ponder scripture, pray, and look for opportunities to serve we will be given those opportunities. We will bless some lives along the way and we will be blessed even more in our lives.

So Much to Process

2011-05-24T05:34:00.009-06:00

This last twenty four hours have been somewhat insane. Not just for me but for our community. It is the end of the school year, students are excited for summer. Teachers are also excited. These are good things. Life with my family at home has been wonderful. Jenna has been busy helping those around us, and I might add being so very attractive! Our children have been so much fun to play with and watch go. They have such funny personalities. We are so very blessed.

There have also been some upsetting things. There have been several families going through some severe trials and struggles.

Yesterday was a great day at school. We had a lot of fun. We worked a little, I read to them a lot, we cleaned the classroom up a bit and we even got to play. It was a great day with these students I love. I get pretty attached!

Sadly, after school I found out that the the dad of one of my favorite former students had passed away. It wasn't accidental. It was heartbreaking. My heart goes out to her, to her mother and brother. People shouldn't have to face these kinds of trials, but the decisions of others can bring us pain. Thinking of the coming weeks, months, and years, the shifting of their world and the struggles they are going to have to face is, again, heartbreaking. There is a desire to be of help, and yet helplessness because no matter what we as humans can do, it can't erase the pain completely. However, we can comfort though and reach out.

On top of that, I hear about a case of inappropriate behavior on the heads of some church leaders in our area, and I think how easy it is to fall into transgression, how important it is to be wise. While at the same time loving the individuals who have made mistakes so they can be given the second chance they need. People who make mistakes need love. My friend Bruce Rose brought this out yesterday as we were discussing things. People don't need us to judge them. They need us to love them.

In both of these situations there were things that could have been done differently. There were decisions on the parts of individuals that could have been avoided. It didn't have to be this way, but I am not going to cast a stone at any of these people who have caused pain for others. They are in enough pain themselves and need as much support as they can get to recover and, if nothing else, come to their own peace. In this life or the next, God will not abandon his children as long as their is hope. It doesn't mean he will take away consequences, but He will not abandon his children.

With all his said, I think to myself how grateful I am for the gospel I am blessed to have. It doesn't take away bad things. It doesn't solve everyone's problems immediately. But it provides peace and through the Atonement relinquishes pain. It takes time. It takes complete trust and faith in Jesus Christ. It requires us to realize that we can't do it all, that the Atonement will help and we need to ask for that help.

I always seem to have so many feelings swirling around in my heart during this time of year. I begin to realize that the end of the school year is coming. That I will miss my students.

I have realized that even though they are not my children, they are my kids and once I am invested in their growing up, I feel invested in their lives. For the rest of my life. Twenty years down the road, I may not always recognize them, but I will remember them. I hope I never forget.

There is a book by Carol Lynn Pearson titled "The Lesson". In this book it says that the real lesson we are learning all along in this life is "how much do you love?" I hope I will be able to answer that question positively before the Lord if I am asked. Loving others will bring us pain, but it will bring us joy. The joy is worth it.

The more I learn the more I am convinced that all the warnings and "thou shalts" are given because the Lord knows what things will bring us joy and what will bring us pain. It is out of love and a desire to prevent pain that God floods us with instruction and revelation. He gives us opportunities to course correct because He wants us home. Much more purely than I want my children home and safe. He wants us home and safe. I know this.

"Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light (Matthew 11:28).
The following video helped me feel some peace this morning. It is about 5 minutes and worth a look. It is powerful and brings peace.

God may not take our pain away immediately. We may have things to learn from that pain. But He will help and over time our wounds can be made whole. All of them. That doesn't mean we won't remember and that we won't feel something, but the pain can be replaced by gratitude and God will be our friend.

The Book of Mormon

2011-05-22T15:12:00.002-06:00

I was on the Church website today and I came across a great video about the Book of Mormon. I wanted to share it here on my blog. After I watched the first one there was another video similar, but powerful, both testify of the Book of Mormon.

I am grateful for the wisdom contained in this book. One of the greatest lessons that I have learned from the Book of Mormon, and all scripture, is that we can trust the Lord. Unreservedly. These books teach how to be and what to do, but they also teach us the God loves us. He care for us. He wants us to understand what is at stake.

I love the Book of Mormon and the Bible. I love the Doctrine and Covenants and Pearl of Great Price. The more we treasure them the more we learn to love God and know He loves us.

Here is the first:

Here is the second:

Charity

2011-03-14T18:58:00.012-06:00

I am not dead. I am still alive. I have felt like I have fallen off the face of the earth though. I would like to blame it on my School Law class this semester but that excuse rings hollow and...lame.

I have had lots of thoughts about things. I have learned some pretty good lessons lately. I have been happy, stressed, and anxious. I have been a bit frightened as I read the news around the world. Things are crazy.

The first thought that comes to mind lately has revolved around the need for charity. In the scriptures we are told that if "ye have not charity, ye are nothing" (Moroni 7:44). Why are we nothing?

There are a lot of things that we need to be striving for in our lives. Honesty, integrity, hard work, obedience. There are many commandments we need to learn to obey. We can master everything, but if we fail at loving our fellowman, what was the point of any of it. First and foremost, God is love. He loves his children. Yes, we need to obey a number of commandments, which by so doing we are protected from all sorts of problems, but charity, the pure love of Christ takes our focus from ourselves, to those around this. It is pretty hard to have charity by' only practicing on ourselves. This is a hard thing for me, but the Lord has made a way. Moroni says, "Pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love." (Moroni 7:48). I don't think that this love comes in any other way. Life is too full of problems and conflicts to think we can develop charity on our own. I think that we can get pretty far by self-control, but the feeling of love towards others, real love, comes from God, and we have to ask for it. God makes it happen for us. It may be through some trials involving other people. It may be that we have to endure some hardships to be schooled in the ways of charity. That is okay, because it conditions us to seek for God's love, which gives us understanding. If He can love us regardless of our faults, and we can recognize that love, then we can love others. We love him because He first loved us (John 4:19). When we know he loves us, asking for charity becomes something we want. Naturally.

It is interesting to me that people who have the most charity have oftentimes suffered the most. They have earned it by staying faithful through adversity. They have turned the other cheek in moments of shame and humiliation at the hands of others. They (have) look(ed) to God and lived (Alma 37:47).

Garden of Gethsemane picture taken from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Retrieved from: http://lds.org/scriptures/bc/scriptures/content/english/bible-maps/images/03990_000_bible-photo-12.jpg
The Garden Tomb Picture take from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Retrieved from: http://lds.org/scriptures/bc/scriptures/content/english/bible-maps/images/03990_000_bible-photo-14.jpg

Christmas Time

2010-12-10T19:39:00.004-07:00

This holiday season has been wonderful so far. It has been busy and hectic, but it has been filled with growth and excitement. I think having two children has helped me feel more excited. Being able to read them Christmas stories from the Friend magazine has been nice. Watching them play with the decorations has also been very entertaining. Though I can't say I haven't held my breathe as I sneak over to take a bulb away from Allison. Dallin has been really excited about presents and things, of course, and hopefully we'll be able to celebrate the fun traditions while reminding him and Allison (and ourselves) of the reason for it all.

I think about my own issues with Christmas also at this time. Tiredness, irritableness, 'poorness' from too much money spending. It obviously isn't an issue with the birth of Christ or the family celebrations, but the busy, busy things that drain me. I like presents, I like giving and getting, but I love being with my family and Jenna's family the most. I love being with our friends and just 'hanging out'. I love watching my daughter jump on my son's back and ride him like a horse. I love spending time in the evening with Jenna getting ready for the home show we just went through. I love visiting the families I home teach and enjoying their homes and their spirit. I know many of these things are great all year long, but the goodness of these things seem to be magnified by Christmas time.

The days are shorter and the nights longer, but those nights find us seeking for companionship-from friends, from family, and ultimately from God. I hope this Christmas we (especially me) can seek out those longing for friendship and companionship and invite them in. It is dark outside, but there is so much light within. Happiness accompanies us when we serve and offer friendship. Jesus knows what He is doing when he asks us to love our neighbor. It is for our neighbor's good, it is for the good of God's work, but it is also for our good...and it feels so good.

In Defense of Elder Packer

2010-10-13T05:35:00.004-06:00

There has been an uproar from many people in regards to Elder Packer's talk that was given in conference. It has been a bit surprising, yet when someone takes a position as clear as Elder Packer, some are bound to be offended.

Let me start out by saying that while I don't agree with the lifestyle of the homosexual community, I don't have any hateful or unkind feelings towards them as human beings, the only issue I have is with their reactions to a differing belief. Somehow it feels a bit unfair that they demand acceptance without returning it and then attempt to force Elder Packer and the Church to alter doctrine just because it doesn't condone their lifestyle. That seems unfair. I realize that this is not something these people take lightly and they have many deep feelings. I also realize that they want to be accepted and to have self-worth. It was a hard thing to say what Elder Packer said, but I believe what he said was correct. Let me step away from feelings for just a little bit and approach the subject with a little logic.

First of all, Elder Packer believes in God. The God Elder Packer and I believe in has a plan for his children. That plan that we believe and accept revolves around the idea that we are here on earth to be tested. That plan also includes that we are to raise families and have children. The temple is for the sealing of families and the progression of humanity through eternity. That is it. That is what we believe.

So my question is, as an Apostle of the Lord Jesus Christ and as a man who has an abiding testimony and belief in this plan, a belief so strong that he was willing to accept the call as an Apostle and give the rest of his life for that cause, how could he say anything else than he said? Had he done so he would have been denying his testimony. A person who believes this plan cannot speak for anything that would not encourage people to move closer to the realization of this plan which includes being sealed in the temple and having posterity. To teach otherwise would be to show a misunderstanding of a core doctrine of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

It is not hateful, it is not mean-spirited. Yes, Elder Packer was blunt, but he did not say anything that was out of line with what he believed is central to the plan of salvation we believe in as members of the Church. Also, we believe that plan applies to all people on the earth. How could Elder Packer support a lifestyle that will ultimately lead away from this goal? It is illogical and in opposition to who he is.

There is a lot of talk about being true to oneself. If I disagree, I don't have to be disagreeable. All people deserve love and respect. It is claimed that there is nothing some one can do who has homosexual attractions. This is a relinquishing of agency and will-power. There are people who claim biology. We are what we think and choose to believe.

My belief tells me that people are "free to choose". This is not limited. We are free "according to the flesh" (2 Nephi 2:27). We have agency. We can decide what we become. "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he" (Proverbs 23:7). I cannot accept the argument of "that is just how I am". I spend my days teaching that we are in control of our lives. Just because a thought enters our mind doesn't mean it is true. Just because a desire or attraction comes into our mind or heart doesn't mean we have to entertain it or start to believe it. I think that sometimes we have a thought enter our mind that frightens us, in regards to any subject, and we are afraid of it, then we panic and fight against it. The more time we spend fighting it the more tired we come. I have learned to stop fighting the thought and after analyzing it for true or false, worthwhile or worthless, I can either simply dismiss it or accept it if it passes for truth. I have found that lies that enter are based in fear and darkness. Truths always promote courage, freedom and light.

So, in essence. I agree with Elder Packer. I agree one-hundred percent. Not just because I trust him as a leader, but because after debating the issue in my mind and struggling with where to stand for the past 15 years, because of my personal relationship with people struggling with homosexuality, whom I care about, and based on my belief in God, who loves all His children, but has set up a plan that requires family: husband, wife, and children relationships, my conclusion is that God needs families to get his children back home. Nothing else makes sense. I also believe in the power of the mind to shape a person. I believe that people are malleable and adaptable and can change. To think otherwise for me would be to deny a basic part of what make me human.

This is a sensitive topic in the world, if you disagree with me for whatever reason, that is fine. Just don't think that because I believe differently with all my heart that I am cold and insensitive. Don't call me names. Don't believe that I am full of hate and spite, because that is not true. I care about what people go through and struggle with. I care about the pain they feel because they don't think they belong. I believe the pain is real. I also believe in a Savior who helps people change.

Yes, I believe homosexuality is a temptation, I know that offends some people, that is not my intent. My intent is to state my belief that WE are in charge of who we are and that just because something came into my mind, or just because my body desires something, doesn't mean I have to submit to it. Many of the things that enter our minds any given day are not true. It is the things we are afraid of that we give too much credence to until they find a place to take up residence. I would say, don't be afraid of a thought. Examine, decide whether it is worthwhile or not then move forward. Hand to the rod, eyes on the goal.

Elder Packer's talk stirred up much controversy, but I believe his intent was to give hope to people who feel like this is a struggle. Perhaps he wanted to give hope to people who want to change.

If you're curious here is the link to Elder Packer's talk: http://lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-1298-23,00.html

If you read the whole thing you will realize that Elder Packer is concerned and is trying to help. To quote part of his talk:

"Every soul confined in a prison of sin, guilt, or perversion has a key to the gate. The key is labeled “repentance.” If you know how to use this key, the adversary cannot hold you. The twin principles of repentance and forgiveness exceed in strength the awesome power of the tempter. If you are bound by a habit or an addiction that is unworthy, you must stop conduct that is harmful. Angels will coach you, and priesthood leaders will guide you through those difficult times."

"Nowhere are the generosity and the kindness and mercy of God more manifest than in repentance. Do you understand the consummate cleansing power of the Atonement made by the Son of God, our Savior, our Redeemer? He said, “I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent.” In that supernal act of love, the Savior paid the penalties for our sins so that we might not have to pay."...

"Strangely enough, it may be that the simplest and most powerful prevention and cure for pornography, or any unclean act, is to ignore and avoid it. Delete from the mind any unworthy thought that tries to take root. Once you have decided to remain clean, you are asserting your God-given agency. And then, as President Smith counseled, “Don’t look back.”"

"I promise that ahead of you is peace and happiness for you and your family. The ultimate end of all activity in the Church is that a man and his wife and their children can be happy at home. And I invoke the blessings of the Lord upon you who are struggling against this terrible plague, to find the healing that is available to us in the priesthood of the Lord. I bear witness of that power in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen." (Elder Boyd K. Packer, October Conference 2010)

Sleepless Night

2010-09-29T01:46:00.003-06:00

It is 1:46 a.m. My mind is running full tilt. What is going through it you may ask? Well, it seems like everything. Worries. Money. Classes. Family. Jenna and the kids. Scouts. The Ward Mission. School. People.

I think many of us wonder how it's all going to wind up at different times. This is one of those times for us. My going to school again has been incredible for my career, but it has put a strain on our finances at times and also the time I can spend with family with out knowing I need to get some homework done. I love going and feel that I am doing really well. I know it is an essential part of my families future and will reap long term dividends, but getting through the sacrifice is where the mettle is tested. We will get through. I have a commitment issue. Meaning that once I commit, I will do it. It may take me a while to commit, but once I have, my mind is set and it consumes me in a way. I don't think this is bad when kept in check. In fact with many areas it has helped me to accomplish much of what I have.

The timeline of everything is really good. I am young in my career, my family is young, and we have a bright future. I am grateful to the Lord for this. I know his ways are higher than I can understand. I feel that I am learning a lot from this process. I am managing my time better. I am accomplishing more. It feels good. I feel my ability to reason increase and my relationships with people improve. I would recommend that all people find a goal for self improvement and work diligently on it. It adds direction and vision. Even though I teach, I had forgotten how good it feels to learn, not just for the sake of "passing a class" but because I feel my spirit increasing in knowledge and I am able to comprehend better the world around me and see it for what it is.

If you think I think that I am all of a sudden "amazing", this is not the case, in fact I see more of my personal issues, but I want to keep "moving forward" as stated in Disney's movie, "Meet the Robinsons".

The principle, I believe is that if we will set a goal and counsel with the Lord about it (Alma 37:37), He "will direct thy paths" for good (Proverbs 3:5-6). It takes faith and desire. I did not always have the desire for more education. I was burned out for a while. I may be a bit burned out after all this is over, but I hope now I know better than to just be "done".

With any goal or assignment in life that we have we need to remember that is it for our good and that God will show us a goodly way to get there. In our callings, careers, and families this scripture of D&C 123:17 applies: Therefore dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed (emphasis added).

I need that assurance.

My Girl

2010-09-05T11:51:00.003-06:00

Jenna Marie. I am so glad we are married! I met Jenna 6 years ago at SUU while we were at a HOPE choir meeting. I had been in the choir for 4 years and Jenna was just looking into it. I noticed her right off. How could I not. I found out she was much younger than I, and got a bit "freaked" out by that. We became choreography partners and the rest as they say is history.

We have been married five years now. Things are much more interesting, good, and crazy than I ever thought they would be. I am so thankful I didn't listen to fear and went forward to marry this incredible girl.

As five years and counting come and go we have learned a lot about each other. Most has been enjoyable. She has put up with me at times and I have had to learn to be patient with her we aren't always perfect, though she is much more so than I am.

With children we have had to adjust to being pulled in many directions. At times it has been hard just to get a few minutes together. But every time we do get away and go on a date I remember how much I love this girl and how beautiful she is. I also love that we laugh and we laugh a lot.I think five years must be a frazzle point for us, children, jobs, activities, community and church involvement, and who knows what else, sickness, health, anything it seems like. I am grateful for a partner who loves me. Who not only loves me, but at times just simply puts up with me. That is marriage. We are in this together, we know what we want, and where we want to end up.
I am so glad to be blessed with Jenna. It is amazing the range of emotion that a person can feel for another: ups and downs, but I am glad it is her. I feel like I am always learning something new about her and from her. She keeps me surprised! She is always faithful and caring. She is busy and motivated. She is beautiful and simple. She is happy. She is my wife and she is everything I ever wanted and she will be everything I will ever want. The Lord really put me out of my league when he put us together! I am thankful that He did.

Feeling about People.

2010-07-14T20:18:00.014-06:00

I really do mean feeling with no 's'. Life seems to move at a pretty fast pace these days. Even during the summer when the days are supposed to be longer and lazier it seems that there is hardly time to breathe. One thing that does happen is there is plenty of time to think about many people in my life. Many questions go through my head when I think about past times, have someone brought to memory by Facebook, or reading back in my journals I have kept faithfully (mostly!) for the past 12 years or so. There are a lot of people in this world and we are connected to them in many ways.

I am going to say right here and now that I am with my favorite people always. I have Jenna. I have Dallin, and I have Allison. They are the people I care about the most. We are sealed. Yet, there are others who have come and gone. Some are doing well. They are living as they know best, they are happy blessing the lives of other people and raising their families. They are involved in the Gospel and their communities. They are daily improving themselves. They are the people who resist the temptations to be less than what God needs them to be, they stay strong even when winds of hell whip at their door and beat on their walls. This is the group of people I want to be classified in. Always.

Some of these people I love are not doing so well. I find it interesting that these former associates, many of whom were daily or weekly, have struggled. They are not bad people, but things have happened. They have let them happened. They have had things happen to them and let it get to them. They have opted for another life. They have not become all they could be.

Both types of people are deeply cared about by myself. Why? Sometimes I don't understand it, but I think it has something to do with charity.

Why do I ache when I hear that someone I care about, even who may be far removed time-wise from my life, is struggling. I feel especially for those who have to endure and endure well despite what has happened to them through the choices of others they love. I think of parents and spouses, children and neighbors who have to deal with life's struggles and the consequences of sin. Not all of these struggles are self-inflicted. I know I have felt much pain in my life over what other people do, especially when at one time they were on the "straight and narrow". Obviously Lehi's dream comes into my mind. The rod. The mists. The filthy water. For those who endure the Love of God, or the fruit.

Laman. Lemuel. They had a chance, but never really embraced the love of God. They were probably even baptized. Others in the dream tasted, knew, and then fell away. And of course, others tasted and stayed.

Why do I care? Why do we care?

It must have something to do with who we are. We are children of God. We chose sides a long time ago. Perhaps it is natural for us to feel a bit betrayed when someone "leaves the team".

It is difficult to watch as families succumb, marriages crumble, and contention escalates.

I have to remember as these things are happening around me, that no one is really safe UNLESS, they are daily fortifying themselves.

Okay. So this is getting a bit depressing. I definitely have a positive outlook on life. For myself. For my family. For those around me.

This stems a little bit from my mission. Many people I knew, and I mean many, have had hard times since the 12 years I have been home. Twelve years is a lot of time and a lot can happen. A lot has happened, and when I find out about it. It kind of hurts. For all I know many of these people hardly think about me, IF they can remember me! But I remember them and I hate to see the hardships they have to go through self inflicted or not.

This carries to family and others I knew in high school and college, served with in callings, and just acquaintances. None of us are exempt from hard times, that is part of our testing, but I believe our hard times can be minimized by keeping a tight, tight grip on the "iron rod".

I wondered for a while after I was married and away from the institute "bubble of protection" how I was going to stay good and true to what I believe. There is so much opposition to values, morals, and anything good.

The answer came pretty easily: Daily prayer. Daily scriptures. My patriarchal blessing adds, "if you are faithful in duty and responsibility you will overcome the tempting powers of the adversary."

Simple. But these things need to be done every. single. day.

Perhaps I am feeling a bit more needy with the Lord right now. I was just called to be the Ward Mission Leader in our ward. If I have learned anything about missionary work it is that I can work, help other people, serve, and testify, but the harvest is still in the Lord's hands. It's kind of a helpless calling. With other callings, I teach my lesson, I hometeach, I help the elderly, etc. With this one, I seek to bless others lives, but the decision is someone else's for improvement. God can soften hearts, lead people to missionaries, and open doors. But, he does not choose for us, and we can not choose for them either. Perhaps this is part of my feeling of frustration and sadness at the choices of others when they are making obviously unwise decisions in a moment of blindness due to desire, temptation, or loss of faith and hope.

Regardless. I know God lives. I have made my commitment to Him. I am kind of weak. Okay, really weak, but I know in whom I trust. I hope I keep it up. The alternative is so dark to me. The peace and joy I have in my own personal life and the blessings we enjoy are because of what we have chosen as a family. We can stay on the path. We have to work at it. Together.

The same goes for all the happy people I know. They do the little things. They listen to the Spirit, they make course corrections when needed. It is so simple, yet if we become "slothful" because of the easiness of the way...we fall. And many fall hard.

I hope that we can help others keep on the "path". I hope we can help some get back on, and I hope that those who stray can awaken.

Are the promises of God real? They are. More real than anything else we experience in this life. They are worth having faith in and trying to believe and follow. That's what I know.

Lastly, I wanted to share this video I watched this morning from Elder Uchtdorf, it is very powerful.

Playing into the Devil's Hand

2010-05-23T10:01:00.009-06:00

(Don't worry, it's water in the picture!)
I realize the title for my post is kind of interesting. Even to me. But I think it describes what I have been thinking about the last couple days.

There are many ways we play into the devil's hand. But what I am most worried about right now is listening to faithless and worthless thoughts. Last I checked, God has made US the "master of our ships". We are not to be convinced otherwise. Our agency is what makes or breaks our lives. We have been given a ship to guide through many things and we ought to do it well.

One of the things I discuss over and over with my 3rd graders is having a plan for the future. It is not good enough to do well in 3rd grade, it is more important to develop habits that will bring success and happiness beyond 3rd grade. The same is true for us now and at any time in our lives. It is good to be happy and successful now. But what about tomorrow? Are we making plans and preparing our futures? Do we have goals to achieve that we actually care about?

I was struggling in education last year. I knew I had been directed to education for a reason, but I was not really very motivated. I wasn't happy with it.

Then a blessing was received. The blessing didn't "cure" me, but it did give me the insight I needed. I was told my hand was on the door, but I needed to open it.

I figured out quickly several ways to open it. To stop settling for mediocrity was number one. I was going to be one of the best. Not in an entirely competitive way, but nobody was going to have a right to say I wasn't trying. I also enrolled in the Master's Program for Administration at SUU. These two things gave me some direction I needed. I am now excited about my future as a teacher and educator. I love my students as always, in fact since taking some steps forward, I love them even more.

The decision to move forward optimistically has also helped my family. Since I made these decisions, the Lord has poured out blessing on our family. We were able to purchase a home. The money for education somehow became available and we are happy. We are not without trials, but I believe that there is hope, peace and optimism underlying our lives. This is what I want more than anything: to have a home of peace, happiness, and righteousness. Jenna and I are doing our best.

Now. The title is playing into the devil's hand. I put this because before all of these good things happened in my life, there was opposition and struggle. There were negative thoughts that I kept listening to that said I wasn't ready to do my Masters Degree. It would be too stressful, I needed more rest. There were voices saying that buying a home would be to hard. In fact at one point I almost decided against it, however, I thought came that said in essence, "Just keep going." Meaning with the house, so we did. We didn't quit half way. I am a firm believer in the principal of going forward. If we are prayerful and humble, the Lord won't lead us astray. If a bad situation is on the horizon, He will lead us around it. If we listen with faith.

Not going forward with something good we have begun (school, marriage, church callings, career, even vacation plans, etc.) is kind of like planting the seed, getting a good, healthy sprout, and then deciding to pull it out because "it might die", or "what if I get a lot of weeds", (Then pull the weeds..), or "what if whatever, blah, blah, blah". Excuses, we're all good at them. But listening to them plays into the devil's hand.

In marriage and career, in family at home, in civic and church, there is opposition. There are times where the negative seems to overwhelm and we wonder what the point is.

Well. The point is that God and Jesus are real. That our temple sealings are real. That our families can be eternal. Quitting anywhere along this path is quitting. God won't take our blessings away. By quitting, we are giving them back. Getting through the rough spots with spouses, children, co-workers, and others is what really makes us happy. We become something better than what we were before. We grow in love. But love can't grow if we quit.

God and all his promises are real. I want those blessings. Satan may try to convince us that they aren't worth it. But seeing as all of us have had these goals for millenia before this life...wouldn't we be pretty disappointed with ourselves when we return and realize that we sold our dreams for a "mess of pottage" or gave them up because we had a few hard weeks or even years? God will get us through.

Like I say to my students, "I'd rather be a loser, than a quitter."

Happy Mother's Day 2010

2010-05-08T05:28:00.004-06:00

Well, it's coming up to Mother's Day again and I feel a desire to give out a couple tributes.
First of all I need to tell my own mother, Julia, how great she is. She has constantly been an example to myself and my siblings. She has always tried her hardest to teach us what is right and wrong and to show us. She listened to us through our growing up years and guided us to make good decisions. She also puts up with all our weirdness and teasing. I am grateful I can still go by and always feel welcome no matter when we come by. I am glad we are only an hour away from Cedar so we can still be close to Mom and Dad. My mother is a great mother. From taking care of aging grandparents to bringing in those in need for food and shelter, she is an example of Christlike service.
Secondly, I need to say Happy Mother's Day to Jenna. She is an amazing woman. Not only does she put up with me as my wife, but she is a great mother to Dallin and Allison. She has natural instincts to bless the lives of others that she is always acting on. She is always finding activities for our children to help their minds grow and develop. She teaches them the gospel and reads them stories. She combs and does their hair and makes sure they are clean and groomed. She puts our children first and foremost. She cooks their food and cleans their messes. She is out showing them how to serve our neighbors and friends. I believe that my wife is the pinnacle of womanhood and motherhood and will only grow, increase, and get better as we grow older together.
I am grateful for Jenna and my own mother, in a lot of ways Jenna has mothered me, and I know I need it! She soothes my mind when it is troubled. She keeps me pushing forward with my goals and dreams. She shows me a good example of how to treat my brothers and sisters.
Yeah, I am bragging a bit on my wife. But, I think she deserves it and I am very proud of her!
Happy Mother's Day honey!

Elder Packer's Talk

2010-04-10T07:45:00.007-06:00

I was reading Elder Packer's talk on Priesthood this morning. It is very powerful. I would recommend it to everyone. It really explains the purpose of priesthood in the home. He quotes President Joseph F. Smith:
President Joseph F. Smith made this statement about the priesthood in the home: “In the home the presiding authority is always vested in the father, and in all home affairs and family matters there is no other authority paramount. To illustrate this principle, a single incident will perhaps suffice. It sometimes happens that the elders are called in to administer to the members of a family. Among these elders there may be presidents of stakes, apostles, or even members of the first presidency of the Church. It is not proper under these circumstances for the father to stand back and expect the elders to direct the administration of this important ordinance. The father is there. It is his right and it is his duty to preside. He should select the one who is to administer the oil, and the one who is to be mouth in prayer, and he should not feel that because there are present presiding authorities in the Church that he is therefore divested of his rights to direct the administration of that blessing of the gospel in his home. (If the father be absent, the mother should request the presiding authority present to take charge.) The father presides at the table, at prayer, and gives general directions relating to his family life whoever may be present.”
I really liked also that it was essential for the women to understand the father's role so they could support him. I know myself that having Jenna's support in doing my duty helps me along. I married a great women who is confident in helping me and in fulfilling her own responsibilities.
Near the end he has this statement:
Every law and principle and power, every belief, every ordinance and ordination, every covenant, every sermon and every sacrament, every counsel and correction, the sealings, the calls, the releases, the service—all these have as their ultimate purpose the perfection of the individual and the family, for the Lord has said, “This is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.”
-President Boyd K. Packer
President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles
It puts a good perspective for me on how all the activities that happen in the church are for out benefit and for the improvement of priesthood power in the home. Even the releases teach us something.
I am very grateful for Elder Packer and his lifetime of gospel instruction. He really has a way of explaining things that makes them understandable. Our Apostles and other leaders are there to help and support us. I am grateful for that guidance. I know they are in tune with the Lord and his Spirit. I know that the Lord's plan revolves around our families...and I love my family!

Growing

2010-02-26T19:41:00.005-07:00

Sorry about the profanity in the picture...
If you'll look closely I DO have the scriptures in my other arm.
I was looking at this picture today, rummaging through some old materials/pictures, and thought it very fitting for my time of life.
It seems that we experience rapid spiritual growth in our youth, experience a lot of success, and we move step by step toward our goal of Celestial Marriage, the crowning ordinance we partake in in this life.
After this step...we continue to grow and progress, but the principle of enduring to the end really comes into play. In 2 Nephi 31:20 we read: Wherefore, ye must press forward with a ^asteadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of ^bhope, and a ^clove of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and ^dendure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have ^eeternal life. (Lds.org)
I must be honest. During the not so good moments when I am changing a diaper (not near as often as Jenna), holding a crying baby, sending a boy to his room for time-out, doing baths, driving to work, and feeling like I am teaching the same lesson over and over again, worrying about how my students are going to turn out, I start to wonder what the heck is happening and where the progress is going to come from.
It seems to be in the midst of all these hum-drum, day to day things, when I start wondering if I am doing what I am supposed to do.
Thank the Lord for the ability to look back.
I see how much more patient I am with my children. I see how much more I appreciate and love my beautiful wife. I see how much I have improved as a teacher and in my relationship with my students. I see how my faith in the Lord has increased and my knowledge that he will support and sustain me and my family through tough times.
Perhaps a little more time looking back and seeing the growth we have all made as we strive on our journey back to God will lighten our spirits and allow us to feel hope for the future. It will also increase the faith we have in our Father's plan to get us back to him.
So, as I go through some more "hum-drum" in the coming years, I will do my best to cherish my wife, enjoy the little moments with my growing and never getting younger children, take extra care of them and the students I have and have had stewardship for, and thank the Lord for each day and the challenges that come. Those challenges bring growth and there really are just so many days for each of us and we ought to do our best to enjoy them all.
When I look back on the time since I have been married and had children, I really have grown...dangit.

Christmastime Thoughts (along with House Purchasing Thoughts...)

2009-12-21T08:40:00.006-07:00

Once again it has been way to long since my last post, but I have a good excuse...ish. The move! It was crazy and stressful. Thankfully it is over and the last few weeks have been relatively nice and smooth.
One problem with all the stress is that I was having a really hard time focusing on the time of year.
Since things have calmed down, I have really found a great appreciation for Christmas time. School, while a little crazy the weeks after Thanksgiving, was really fun due to the excitement in the air for the holidays. Nothing can energize me like students who are young and excited. I really love the students I have in my class and those from previous years who stop in and visit. It seems that around Christmas time those students are more prone to stop in and say hello. I can't describe how happy it makes me when someone I have invested time and thought into stops by to say hello and chat for a minute.
At home things have been really fun. Our new home here in Orderville has turned out quite nice. There was some crazy remodel work and two days that were insane. I can't say it was all bad though. I did lose about 10 pounds in two weeks. Hopefully I'll keep that off! It was also fun knowing that because we own the home we can make any changes that we see fit. Of course if any thing goes wrong we have to be responsible for that also!
Having our own home around Christmas has been a great experience. As much as we have more responsibility as homeowners we also have more freedom attached. I have noticed that as we move through the stages of life and take on more responsibilities our "talents" increase and the Lord gives us more. He give line upon line in earthly responsibilities as well as in knowledge. Having these earthly items (homes, cars, bills, etc.) teaches us how to organize ourselves. While there is organization that must happen, these responsibilities add to our joy. This is something that has been impressed on me lately. The Lord states in D&C 111:11, " Therefore, be ye as ^awise as serpents and yet without ^bsin; and I will order all things for your ^cgood, as fast as ye are able to receive them." (lds.org) I really like this scripture. As we are wise and stay out of sin, the Lord will "order" things for us. To me this releases a lot of stress in my life. I do my part, the Lord prepares things for me. This requires that I wait on His time table, but if I can trust Him by waiting on him and doing my duty, He'll open the doors for us when we are ready. He determines that readiness! Not us.
Anyway. I say all this because the house worked out so well for Jenna and I. Jenna did do much of the work, and I am grateful for that, but things worked so smoothly that it could be nothing but a miracle.
Well, anywho, our family is doing really well. Our kids are healthy and happy. With the Christmas break I get to spend a lot more time with Jenna, Dallin, and Allison and that is so much fun. Allison is really developing a funny personality and can be so much fun. Of course she is MY little girl! Jenna and I are excited to treat them to a fun Christmas with family and friends. I am glad to spend more time with Jenna! After the stress of our move we need the time together! She has been really good during everything AND she always finds good ways to make the holidays enjoyable.
I hope everyone's holidays are full of joy. I also hope we get a chance to reflect on the Savior and his blessings in each of our lives. I am sure we will. Merry Christmas!

Faith and Trust pt. 2

2009-11-08T20:53:00.007-07:00

So. How's it going? It has really been a while. If blogging was a religion, I would be inactive. Thankfully it is not. I don't have any real reason for not blogging lately, just that I haven't. I would say laziness, but I don't think that would be completely accurate (It could be related to Mario...) ANYWAY!
Our family is doing really well. Our kids have had their bout with the "flu". Jenna is doing such a good job with them as a mother. She is great, I married very well. I am grateful I listened to the Lord and my dad. Of course it was my decision, but I know I didn't do it alone. I don't think I would have been as happy if I had.
We have been pretty busy with the house purchasing process lately. It has worked out so well that it can only be the hand of the Lord. I got some information at school about USDA loans for rural development, typed a few things into the internet, was contacted by some of the workers of this place. Had a house here in mind and it has just flowed. One of the other things is that this home we are buying just fell into our laps. It is too perfect to have been anything other than divine assistance. I know the Lord has a sense of timing and blesses us according to our readiness to progress. I had been holding back on a lot of things until this summer, and when I finally decided to commit to getting my Master's degree in Educational Leadership and get really organized in my teaching, things started to fall into place.
It is interesting that the blessings didn't come until a certain time. I really believe in the time table of the Lord. We often in our human impatience try to rush things along. If we will but trust the Lord, we would avoid a lot of our mistakes. Frustration can lead us to rash decisions, rash judgments and mistakes we would otherwise avoid. I don't believe the Lord creates stress for us, He is the one telling us to "trust in [him] with all our heart and lean not to our own understanding." (Prov. 3:5-6) If our hearts and lives are in order "all things shall work together for good to them that walk uprightly" (D&C 100:15). "Be still and know that I am God." (D&C 101:16).
It is interesting to me that we spend most of our lives stressing, when the Lord instead is telling us to "hold on thy way" (D&C 122:9) He wants us to continue down a strait and direct path. We know our goals. He knows our hearts. We go straight. We aren't to be troubled. D&C 123:17 is one of my favorites: "Therefore dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God and for his arm to be revealed." (emphasis added)
These are a few things I have learned the hard way, but I feel like maybe I am starting to learn them. It is a long journey for all of us, and I believe that the journey is to teach us to become like God. It is a training, a lesson, a class, and a test. All the different events we face, worldly pressures, oppositions, doubts, buffetings, and fears are to "prove [us] to see if we will do all things whatsoever the Lord [our] God shall command [us]." (Abraham 3:25) I am not saying I pass every test. I fail quite often, but I have seen that when I doubt or fear things pass me by. It happened to Oliver Cowdery. He was counseled in D&C 6:36, "Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not." Oliver was told in D&C 8:10, "Remember that without faith you can do nothing; therefore ask in faith". Oliver didn't prepare or exercise enough therefore when the time to translate came...he couldn't do it. D&C 9:11 says it clearly, "Behold, it was expedient when you commenced; but you feared, and the time is past, and it is not expedient now." Oliver missed an opportunity for a blessing due to his fear and lack of preparation.
I am not condemning Oliver Cowdery for this, for in his experience I have seen myself many, many times. Opportunities waiting for me and my family that I didn't take because I didn't prepare and I doubted. I know I am not alone in this.
There was a point with this house where I was about to do like I usually did and say, "Well, maybe we should wait." But then I felt strongly, even though I was tempted to quit, that I should see the process through and see what happens. I guess I had to exercise a little faith. Things are working for our good. Things are being provided as we move forward. The Lord wants our family to have a home. We want to serve the Lord in this area as much as possible. We are not perfect in this, but we desire it. I know the Lord blesses us for that, and makes up for our weakness. God is sure. He is constant. If he promises, it will come to pass. His time table is perfect for us. If we will make the steps to improve ourselves, to do the "hard" things, life will become easier. Because we will know in "whom [we] have trusted" (2 Nephi 4:19) and when we know that God will NOT let us down, we will no longer fear.

Dallin and Allison

2009-09-19T07:33:00.022-06:00

Jenna loves to get the kids pictures taken. While posing children may not be my idea of a good time, I am always happy she does it. Her friend, Anne Hepworth, here in Orderville does such a good job. So, here I am posting some of my favorite shots from the last session.
I love seeing the the expressions on their faces, how Allison is so happy and Dallin can be so funny. The more steps I am taking along the path of fatherhood, the more grateful I am for the opportunity to be a dad and a husband. When the Psalmist wrote that "children are an heritage of the Lord", it wasn't just a nice thing to say, or something that sounded good. It was and still is the truth. Nothing has helped Jenna and I to grow more and bring us closer than our kids. We worry about them, we talk about them, we live for them. Sure we still have the things we were interested before them, but I think our perspective of what truly matters in life has changed.
Some people worry about finances and things, which is a real concern, but I am of the belief that things work out. I see it all the time around me, when people of faith have the faith to have a family, the means are provided for them. The Lord intervenes when he must. I believe He deserves a lot more credit for our well-being than we realize.
Anyway. These are our kids. Jenna is such a great mother to them. Maintaining children is a lot of work, and Jenna does more than her share. I am gone most of the day and she has chosen to be with them during that time. I know this is a lot of work on her part, and it is often without a lot of reward. But she does such a good job. I do not think anyone could do better. I know she realizes how valuable she is to our children. I also know she needs a break once in a while. I get to come home from my students in the afternoon. For her, many days there isn't any break, until I take them for an hour or a few minutes.
Well, If there are any reasons our kids are so cute and great I would say the responsibility likes mostly with my wonderful wife who takes the profession of motherhood very seriously and loves it. Thanks honey bear, I love you!

Still Around

2009-09-15T21:48:00.009-06:00

Just checking in real quick. I have been thinking about different things to write about, but nothing has settled in long enough.
Things are going really well so far this year with school. I have an excellent group of students and really enjoy them. I took some extra time to get more organized and it is really paying off.
I have also been getting things together to begin my Master's in Educational Leadership this Summer. I am really excited about starting it. It took the Lord giving me a pretty major kick in the behind for me to get rolling on this, but ever since I "opened the door", EVERYTHING has been falling smoothly into place. I know this is the Lord opening the way before me.
Our family is being extremely blessed, our babies are healthy, Jenna is doing so much as a mother and wife and I love her so much. I am very grateful that I married a woman with the same ideals as myself. She was a good choice. Very good. Once again the Lord directed my path.
It seems the more I allow Him to do so, the better things go. Always. My only problem is the hard-heartedness I have in thinking I am more wise than the Lord. This is obviously not true as He has the clear blueprint for what He needs me to be. Perhaps I should be more open minded to the possibilities.
Anyway. Things are going well and doors really seem to be opening. There are times of trial, but there is always light in the Narrow Path.

Getting Ready! Mostly...

2009-07-16T22:15:00.000-06:00

Well. I think I have officially hit the point of summer where I am starting to get excited about school again. This last year was pretty stressful, I had some very interesting class dynamics going on. It was all a bit crazy. Between the group of kids (The combination was phenomenal! It was wild and crazy, but I enjoyed them immensely!) I had and a constant stream of people through my classroom (aides, SPED, whoever else felt like it...) I was pretty worn down by the end of the year. I probably would have written more about it, but thinking about it was somewhat painful...
ANYWAY.
I am now getting to the point in the summer where it is all about the future and looking forward. I think that there are many things I will do the same, but I have been working more on some of the mechanics of my class, my procedures for students and my expectations. I have taught these things over and over to my previous classes, but I believe I will put even more emphasis on it this year.
Education is a tricky thing. The actual planning, teaching, and relating to students is very enjoyable and quite simple. The expectations, communication, and measuring up are somewhat difficult. Especially for the teacher, not to mention the students. I suppose interpersonal relationships can be the hard part. I am more afraid of disappointing an administrator than of being a bad teacher. The hard part of an administrator's job is that they have too much to do, too many teachers, too many papers, and too much to report. This of course carries down to the classroom where, instead of being able to enjoy teaching and building student relationships, stress comes into play and unrealistic expectations are put upon all involved. Teachers are worried about reports, tests, and performance. Students are worried about reports, tests, and performance. Administrators are worried about reports, tests, and performance. We should have these things. Reports. Tests. High Performance. They are crucial to measuring progress. But, somewhere in all this achieving, we lose something.
How do you get it back?
I think being organized solves a lot of these problems. I do not feel that I am a poor organizer or manager, but I realize I can improve. Classroom structure sets a precedent for kids to follow. They want to know what is expected. I want them to know what is expected. I believe teaching and learning should be fun, that it should really apply to life. Just like life, there are consequences at times, but if I can teach them to go through my class and learning to follow our class procedures they are learning success patterns for the rest of their lives. My most successful students are those who give their all. If my students are struggling with a concept, verbally lashing them is not the answer. Pulling them back to my desk is the answer. Having an aid assist them is the answer. Gentleness. Meekness. Love Unfeigned.
I guess in all of this it is about people. If we lose the trust of the people we are responsible for, it is very difficult to get it back. Reports, tests, and performance are important, but I feel my main responsibility to my students is to be a trusted adult that can offer some guidance. Not just on their math, or language arts, but in their lives as well.
So. I am getting ready for a new year. I have been organizing a little more. I have been planning different things to do. I think it will go well. But please remind me if I start freaking out about reports, tests, and performance, that this whole education sphere is really about kids and helping them be ready for the future.
It's interesting to me that in the course of my teaching thus far, the Lord has been teaching me many, many lessons and giving me insights I wouldn't have gained otherwise. It is about people and kids and service. A teacher has a responsibility to give their all for these kids. They may be a little crazy at times, but so is there teacher, and I wouldn't trade the opportunity I have had to teach any of them! (Just make sure you ask me on the right day!)

Marriage and Divorce

2009-07-09T09:46:00.000-06:00

I realize I have been in the habit of posting a lot of videos lately. You may have seen this one already, but I really think it is valuable. Very valuable. It's really short, so if you haven't seen it take a couple minutes to watch. The part that hit me hardest was where Elder Oaks says that repentance is part of solving marital problems. I have experienced that first hand! I hope you enjoy this video.

4th Anniversary

2009-06-23T16:10:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow is our anniversary!
It has been four years already and a lot has happened. I am grateful for her and her putting up with me. I think she is a wonderful girl. She is good with our kids and awesome with everyone around her. Mostly she is good to me and everything I ever wanted and want!
So that's it. Happy Anniversary Jenna! I hope it is great for you...though it will be pretty busy, eh?

Testimony

2009-06-12T09:33:00.000-06:00

Well. Jenna and I are giving talks in church this Sunday. The topics are Joseph Smith and Testimony. Jenna's going to cover Joseph Smith and I am going to address Testimony. So of course, as soon as this assignment was given, my mind started trying to organize thoughts about testimony and just what it is.
First. I think that there are two parts to testimony. (Well, AT LEAST two...) First we all think about the question, do I have a testimony? Is it strong enough? How should I share it. Part of testimony is a very, very personal thing that involves the gaining and sharing of it. Not only do we need to gain the testimony but the testimony needs to be of truth. We go about gaining a testimony much as Alma described in Alma 32. We plant the seed-the idea. We nourish the seed through study and obedience to the principles we are working on. If the seed is good it grows. Simple right? I have seen this process work on any number of gospel principles. Tithing. Fasting and Fast Offerings. Repentance. Missionary work. Faith. Temple Work and Ordinances. Chastity. Charity. Baptism. Celestial Marriage. All of these things have proven to produce good fruit in my life and as long as I continue to nourish them, they stay healthy and strong and guide my life.
The second part of testimony that I probably don't think about as much but is crucial to its development is listening and heeding the testimony of others. Especially those ordained as our leaders. Prophets. Apostles. Seventy. Stake Presidents. Bishops. Relief Society Presidents. Our teachers. These persons have been given authority in many instances to teach us. Those who bear powerful testimony of Jesus Christ and Joseph Smith, as well as other gospel principles are adding strength to our testimonies. The responsibility we have is to be hearers of the word and then doers.
I find myself worrying often if I am keeping my testimony strong enough. I think the reason this is such a concern is because a testimony is alive. When I get busy with life, sometimes I feel like I haven't given it the attention it needs. Feeding it and nourishing it every day will keep it alive. Sharing it with others will keep it alive and nourish another's testimony. I have noticed that those who lose testimony have usually done something or aligned themselves with someone or something that is contrary to gospel principles. They begin to question and apostatize. I believe it is okay to ask questions. That is how we learn. But the intent of those questions must be pure.
Anyway. Some thoughts for me to ponder. I hope the talk goes well, if not at least I learned something!

"Hope Ya Know"

2009-05-24T17:59:00.000-06:00

Maybe some have already seen this, it is from the church web site. I thought it was really good.

This one is also great.

Happy Birthday Jenna!

2009-05-17T21:48:00.000-06:00

Today is my wife's birthday. She is a great, great wife and friend. So. I just wanted to post about that. I really can't believe I actually survived for 25 and a half years without her by my side. She has made everything I do better. She even helps me think straight when I get frustrated, "anxietied", or over-worried. She takes wonderful care of our children and me. She teaches them the gospel and proper and upright things and I couldn't have married anyone better. She is beautiful. She is loving and caring. She is a perfect companion and keeps me doing the right things. I love you honey!

PUNCH OUT!!

2009-05-12T17:07:00.000-06:00

This is way off of the beaten path of my usual posts, but I am a Punch Out!! fan and I have to say this commercial/advertisement is hilarious...
At least to me...

Ah...
Nintendo.

Leadership

2009-05-03T20:13:00.000-06:00

I love Doctrine and Covenants 121:34-46. There are several reasons why I love this selection of verses, but a lot of it is because it is a perfect guideline for leadership. I had an experience this week that brought these verses to my mind. I am not going to get into any detail as it is the lesson learned that is the important part.
Here are the verses in case you don't want to look them up:
34 Behold, there are many ^acalled, but few are chosen. And why are they not chosen?

35 Because their ^ahearts are set so much upon the things of this ^bworld, and ^caspire to the ^dhonors of men, that they do not learn this one lesson—

36 That the ^arights of the priesthood are inseparably connected with the powers of heaven, and that the powers of heaven cannot be ^bcontrolled nor handled only upon the ^cprinciples of righteousness.

37 That they may be conferred upon us, it is true; but when we undertake to ^acover our ^bsins, or to gratify our ^cpride, our vain ambition, or to exercise control or ^ddominion or compulsion upon the souls of the children of men, in any degree of unrighteousness, behold, the heavens ^ewithdraw themselves; the Spirit of the Lord is grieved; and when it is withdrawn, Amen to the priesthood or the authority of that man.

38 Behold, ere he is aware, he is left unto himself, to ^akick against the pricks, to ^bpersecute the saints, and to ^cfight against God.

39 We have learned by sad experience that it is the ^anature and disposition of almost all men, as soon as they get a little ^bauthority, as they suppose, they will immediately begin to exercise ^cunrighteous dominion.

40 Hence many are called, but ^afew are chosen.

41 No ^apower or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the ^bpriesthood, only by ^cpersuasion, by ^dlong-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned;

42 By ^akindness, and pure ^bknowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the ^csoul without ^dhypocrisy, and without ^eguile—

43 ^aReproving betimes with ^bsharpness, when ^cmoved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of ^dlove toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;

44 That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of ^adeath.

45 Let thy ^abowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let ^bvirtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy ^cconfidence wax strong in the ^dpresence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the ^edews from heaven.

46 The Holy Ghost shall be thy constant ^acompanion, and thy scepter an unchanging scepter of ^brighteousness and truth; and thy ^cdominion shall be an everlasting dominion, and without compulsory means it shall flow unto thee forever and ever.
I think I realize more and more as time passes that a good leader will build inspire and carry those he or she is responsible for. I believe that many leaders are looking to help those around them.
I think it most important above all that a leader beware of the warnings in verse 37-39 and do their best to resist the temptation to abuse that authority. It most certainly is the "nature and disposition of almost all men" to exercise unrighteous dominion when they believe the are "in charge".
Along with that however, when the time for reproving does come, and it will, verses 43 AND 44 are imperative and must come TOGETHER.
In my line of work there is a constant stream of evaluation and pressure to perform. Not only is this pressure placed on the kids by myself, but it is placed on teachers, administrators, and other staff. The pressure is HIGH at times and many of us get stressed about how we will look if someone below us fails. Believe me, when my kids struggle or perform lower than my expectations, I feel the stress. (From myself mostly, and also others.) Unfortunately in my case this stress is caused many times by my desire to please man and "not look bad". This can be motivating, but it, at times, feels draining and uninspiring. There have been many times when I have chastised my class (or children at home/church) because of my selfish desire to "look good." This is not something I am proud of, yet I think that many of us face the same dilemma.
I cite these negative examples because they do happen, yet I believe that if one were to look at education in general, along with teaching in our homes, these negative examples would be few and far between. I think mostly I have seen positive examples. Now, I realize that the business of education is not completely comparable to the rights of the Priesthood, and yet, I think that the gospel we have applies perfectly to any situation given that people will do the work and apply it.
When it comes to teaching and leadership I love verse 44 especially: "That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death." This is a lot to ask of a leader. But it is possible. Those whom we have stewardship over, whether it be teaching, parenting, callings, community or otherwise need to know we love them. That we do care about their well-being. That we are not out "to get them", but that we have a sincere desire for them to succeed in a temporal and eternal life. This is where having our "bowels full of charity towards all men" comes into play. We all know this is not easy, and yet there is something comforting in the knowledge that we are trying, though not always succeeding.
I appreciate a leader who recognizes my successes and points them out while at the same time fulfilling their duty to offer words of correction or assistance. Not just words, but example and follow-up.
Ultimately if we can give an honest effort to verses 45-46 our confidence as leaders will "wax strong in the presence of God" and also of man. When we quit trying to impress the people around us and seek to do our duty sincerely to God and his children then our confidence that we are doing what is right buoys us through discouragement and opposition (AND there IS opposition to any good leader. Just ask the Savior, or Joseph Smith, or any person in a position of authority.). Preparation and study are essential and success cannot be achieved without them, but all the preparation and study in the world cannot make us good leaders unless we are willing to follow and apply the correct principles leadership is based on. We must forgo our natural desires and seek a higher good than our own good. The best part of these verses is the promise that the Holy Ghost will be our constant companion along with the rest of verse 46. With the Holy Ghost as our constant companion our decisions will be right more often and our sincerity in our leadership will be more pure.

Baptism and Agency

2009-04-26T10:07:00.000-06:00

Okay. We are taking shifts today with sick babies and we are at mid-shift and I am going quickly to church, but I wanted to write down a few quick thoughts I had before I lost them.
I was reading 3 Nephi 11 today and verses 33 and 34 stuck out to me a little more than usual. I have been guilty at times of wondering what the "big deal" about baptism is and have pondered it a little here and there. I think I am really starting to get it. Um...anyway. Here are the verses:
"And whoso believeth in me, and is baptized, the same shall be saved; and they are they who shall inherit the kingdom of God. And whoso believeth not in me, and is not baptized, shall be damned."
Pretty cut and dry if you ask me. The part that used to bother me is that I felt like the "damned" part was pretty harsh. However, as I have learned and understood a bit more, really, the Lord has no choice. Simply put he must enforce His laws. He has already chosen to do so. He has said that in order to enter the Celestial Kingdom we have to be baptized. In order to want to enter we have to believe in Christ and trust him and know that what He is saying is "for real". The other side, the "damned" part is simply that we choose not to believe, or trust Christ and we choose not to be baptized. Therefore we choose to NOT enter the Celestial Kingdom. So...we just damned ourselves.
I think this helps me with understanding the mercy of Christ. He loves us. He wants us to be with Him and the Father. He says we should be baptized (among other commandments) if we want to live where Him and the Father live. It's pretty simple. He NEVER takes our ability to choose our path. But the consequences for good or evil cannot be repealed.
It's just the same as if I choose to stay up late (which I do all too often). The consequence is...I am tired. No avoiding it. If I would have chosen to avoid college...I wouldn't be a teacher. If I had chosen to not be married...I wouldn't have a family. By taking on responsibility I have found further happiness AND progress. Hard somedays? Yes. Rewarding? Much more so. Progression is very interesting, what seems hard, but then achieved all of a sudden becomes, "I could never go back! Ever."
So back to something as simple as baptism. It is a very short (time-wise) ordinance that shows the Father we are willing to give life our best shot. It also shows we are willing to make preparations for the Celestial Kingdom.
So. Really I guess the Savior is right: "And whoso believeth in me, and is baptized, the same shall be saved; and they are they who shall inherit the kingdom of God. And whoso believeth not in me, and is not baptized, shall be damned."
And it won't be His fault, it will be ours.
That is a sobering thought to me and I hope I can continue trying to work hard. Yes, I have been baptized by Authority, but it is still up to me to endure to the end. Thankfully our Savior cares enough about our success to send help and support when we are in need.

Jon Schmidt

2009-04-25T08:47:00.000-06:00

Okay. Growing up during my high school years, Sam Barker and I loved listening to this guy's music for our background to many conversations. I think he is a very talented man and very entertaining. Jenna showed me this video the other day and I realized the guy still has it! Anyway. Some of you may have seen this, but this song is quite good. I wouldn't post it if I wasn't impressed! Oh, the cellist is a man named Steve Sharp Nelson, he's also very talented.

Talents are amazing aren't they?

Way to go Miss California!

2009-04-21T16:43:00.000-06:00

Just had to quickly post. I watched on MSNBC today Matt Lauer talking with Miss California about her comments about gay marriage during the pageant. She was cheered by some and booed by others. Jenna and I were very impressed with her resolve and attitude. If you haven't seen it, it is a great story.
Anyway. Check it out if you are interested. It's worth a look. Make sure you watch the whole thing, the interview with Miss California is at the end.
I thought it was encouraging that someone would stand up in the face of a lot of opposition. Especially in such a public setting.
Oh...and of course I agree with her 100%.

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Back...

2009-04-14T21:14:00.000-06:00

Okay. It's been a while. Jenna is definitely more dedicated to bloggery than I am, but in my defense it has been a CRAZY 6 weeks.
We are adjusting quite well to everything and just blessed Allison Elizabeth on Sunday. It was nice, I am grateful for revelation.
I think the second time around is much easier. With Dallin I could hardly sleep the first night...with Allison. I threw a blanket over my head (it was cold...but not to Jenna...) and went to sleep. Jenna couldn't wake me until she started throwing things. That is true love...and much more confidence in the gift of lungs. Though we did have a choking scare that first night due to quite a bit of amniotic fluid. More was sucked out the next afternoon also.
Needless to say we have been exceptionally tired this last few weeks. School has been more of a challenge, but things are looking up.
It is all worth it though as it seems to be that we grow closer to God in our extremity. A little over a week after Allison was born I got the root canal of my life. That is saying something, because I have had plenty. I thought I was being extra prepared and got into the dentist before it completely flared up. But I was wrong. The surgery was performed...and then the pain began. It got infected and not even very adequate painkillers could do very much for me. At one point during this week ordeal (yes, a week...) our bishop, who is also our neighbor, Shane Frost came to give a blessing. It was late. He then proceeded to drive me over to Cedar City after 11:00 p.m. so Dr. Brown could drill and little and numb me up. It really helped. I really appreciated Shane and Sean taking me over the mountain and Dr. Brown for coming late after Church meetings the day before he flew to Nebraska.
I guess in all this, with a baby and tooth and other adventures we have had lately, we have been made really aware how much the people around us care for us. We try to be helpful members of the community yet the community has really been the ones to take care of us. I believe the Lord is pleased for the most part with the people in this area. They are sincerely trying. I don't think we deserve the help we have received, but I am grateful the Lord has seen fit to help us out.
Anyway. Not much else to say for now. We are doing well and are very happy, if not very tired much of the time. We have a good life. We hope to continue to be worthy of what we are blessed with.

Almost here...

2009-03-04T05:03:00.001-07:00

I have not done much here for a while! I don't really have any good reasons actually. We have been pretty busy getting things ready for our baby to get here, but I have somewhat neglected the "blogosphere". I don't think this is entirely bad, but I do notice that putting my thoughts out here is a great way for me to really settle into my own thinking and analyze things happening around me. I do write in a journal and that helps with the same process, however it is more a list of things I do and people I interact with.
Anyway. Today we are going to St. George for our last doctor's appointment. That is pretty exciting, and tomorrow is even more exciting as Jenna is being induced. Now, we did not request that she be induced, but with the almost two hour drive from Orderville, and wanting to avoid a drive filled with misery and "contraction action", Dr. Lunt decided it best that we come early. I am glad for this honestly, it saves Jenna and I a lot of worry. I see it as a blessing.
We are facing, I think, some of the usual nervousness and excitement at the prospect of a new child. Jenna and I worry about Dallin and how he'll adjust. We know he will have some moments of "what about me". We have discussed this and have planned on having him as involved as possible. Thankfully we have many relatives and friends in St. George that can help him. I am worried about Jenna getting that baby out. She is such a small woman and it was hard enough getting Dallin out, and Dallin was four weeks early. I worry about Jenna's health and hoping she can feel okay. It has been hard for me to watch these last several weeks of pregnancy. It is really difficult for most woman to get babies into this world and Jenna is not an exception. I definitely admire her pluck, because she keeps on going and stays busy and happy even though it is quite obvious her "pregnant state" is causing quite a bit of misery.
Of course I worry about some sleepless nights and teaching, but I think our main worry with this baby and with Dallin is that we'll take good care of them, that we will help them be healthy and be able to provide their needs. Along with those worries comes the concern that as parents we will teach them gospel principles appropriate to their understanding and conduct that will allow them to be a blessing to society. We take very seriously, as do most of you who read our blogs, the responsibility to raise responsible, enlightened, and worthy children in the Lord's eye's. I think the description of the Savior increasing in favor with God and man is the ideal objective for all of us and I am sure it is what we all strive for.
Please indulge me for a minute, but the Boy Scout Law come to mind for both our children and us and I thought I would post it here along with explanations from the Scouting website (You can substitute the word "scout" for "child" if it makes you feel better!

Scout Law

TRUSTWORTHY: A Scout tells the truth. He keeps his promises. Honesty is part of his code of conduct. People can depend on him.

LOYAL: A Scout is true to his family, Scout leaders, friends, school, and nation.

HELPFUL: A Scout is concerned about other people. He does things willingly for others without pay or reward.

FRIENDLY: A Scout is a friend to all. He is a brother to other Scouts. He seeks to understand others. He respects those with ideas and customs other than his own.

COURTEOUS: A Scout is polite to everyone regardless of age or position. He knows good manners make it easier for people to get along together.

KIND: A Scout understands there is strength in being gentle. He treats others as he wants to be treated. He does not hurt or kill harmless things without reason.

OBEDIENT: A Scout follows the rules of his family, school, and troop. He obeys the laws of his community and country. If he thinks these rules and laws are unfair, he tries to have them changed in an orderly manner rather than disobey them.

CHEERFUL: A Scout looks for the bright side of things. He cheerfully does tasks that come his way. He tries to make others happy.

THRIFTY: A Scout works to pay his way and to help others. He saves for unforeseen needs. He protects and conserves natural resources. He carefully uses time and property.

BRAVE: A Scout can face danger even if he is afraid. He has the courage to stand for what he thinks is right even if others laugh at or threaten him.

CLEAN: A Scout keeps his body and mind fit and clean. He goes around with those who believe in living by these same ideals. He helps keep his home and community clean.

REVERENT: A Scout is reverent toward God. He is faithful in his religious duties. He respects the beliefs of others.

(www.scouting.org/Media/FactSheets/02-503a.aspx)

Scouting is an inspiration for me because of being so involved in it when I was a young man. If our kids can take these principles seriously and realize this is the way to live, then not only will their lives be blessed but our lives also as parents, and I believe the Lord will also be pleased with our accomplishments. I hope Jenna and I can measure up!
This is where my thoughts go with expecting a baby. I am really excited for the next few days, but I realize with these next days comes the responsibility of raising this little lady and her brother with correct principles so when the time comes for them to make their own decisions, they can do it with knowledge and wisdom. I don't think it is something we can take TOO seriously, but along with that teaching we are going to have lots and lots of fun on the way, because that is part of the plan too!
Oh, and did I say I am SO excited to have a little girl to go a long with my little boy? Jenna and I are a little bit spoiled!
We'll keep everyone posted.

Missionary Letter and Other Ramblings...

2009-02-01T22:53:00.000-07:00

So, I wrote this letter to my brother this evening and thought I would post it. I hope you don't mind that I post it, but I was pleased with how things turned out and hoped that it would be motivating for all of us who are trying to be good missionaries.
Elder Corry,
TGD,
I remember going through weeks where we didn't have many lessons going on. It was pretty tough. I am glad you can do a lot of street contacting. We would talk to people outside when we were riding on bikes or walking down their streets, but I didn't do too much tracting. I really tried to work with members/media referrals/less actives and new converts. Street contacting is better I am sure because people can't just hide back in their homes, plus there is something about being outside that makes people more open and willing to talk. Oklahoma was a little more spread out and less populated than...Germany!
You asked what some of the biggest things I learned on my mission were. Well. The main thing that I took home with me was that my mission was to prepare me for the rest of my life. I really do think about it everyday since. I used an experience in a ward missionary meeting last year to motivate our ward to set higher goals for baptisms. So instead of 2 we set a goal of 10. That was unheard of for our area. Did we reach it before December. No. But we had 7 people join and that was a miracle. We all worked harder in our ward to come together. If I was you, I would make sure that you develop a good relationship with the bishop without putting too much stress on him. They have tons to do and thinking about missionary work can be overwhelming. I would stress that the best way for members to be missionaries is to set goals and then do their best to serve their neighbors and friends all around them. The Lord puts us where we need to be, there is no need to traipse around the world looking for missionary and service opportunities when there are thousands of people around us that can use our help. (Of course it may be a bit different for a full-time missionary...) For a normal member of the church our missionary work is in our neighborhood with our friends and family. Just being prepared to share the gospel through scripture study and praying for experiences will bring many opportunities and probably more converts than we can imagine. It really is as simple as "Ask and ye shall receive..." Of course there is work to do, but it is never more than we can handle. The Lord goes line upon line and will not overwork us, or overscare us, He works to our level and slowly helps us climb as we are able. Anyway that's some advice and things that I have learned since my mission, even better than when I was on it. Of course without it I wouldn't have had any of these experiences.
Well. I hope things find you well. We are all really excited for you to get home, but do it safe and with honor. Work hard and include the Lord. Listen to His voice and you will be given direction and miracles in every aspect of your life.
Take care,
Jeff
Anyway. That's my letter. Things are going well. It is amazing to me how much a Sunday, especially a Fast Sunday can restore my soul. Much more than sitting around at home on Saturday. I suppose a lot of this is because we are social by nature and it "grows" our spirit to be able to interact positively with our neighbors and friends.
Anywho, these are the things I have been thinking about...
Our last week has been pretty good. Thankfully not as exciting as Jerry and Shannon Moser's and JD and Valerie Crockett's. I am glad to hear that their babies are doing well. What a scary thing. I don't know how I would handle these things, I suppose when they arise you "just do it".
Again, I am glad to hear things are well for these two families and their babies. Babies bring so much joy and yet can make life so SCARY sometimes! I sure love our boy and soon to be born girl! Jenna is doing well. (Quite sore to tell the truth...) We are expecting our baby in 6-ish weeks. Dallin was 4 weeks early so really we are trying to be prepared for anything. As long as everything goes well, that's all we can ask from the Lord. I think having a perspective our eternity can soften any blow this life can deliver, because all the trials we receive will only be temporary if we'll stay close to God.

Checking in...

2009-01-18T20:52:00.000-07:00

I know you all thought I died. But I didn't. (Sorry...for the haters...) Things have been kind of crazy. School is back in force, the New Year is already racing, and callings are....calling me. I am enjoying all these things, if not a little stressed out at times with the "juggle." Plus I have video games to beat...so please understand.
Anyway...
We had a good General Priesthood Meeting tonight in Kanab. I really appreciate our Stake Presidency here in this area. One thing that really stuck out was President Johnson's talk, I could tell he was really feeling what he was sharing. He talked about us making changes in our lives and how we often like to do big things and then fizzle out. (Not his exact words...) Instead of doing this he said if we will make little changes to the things that we are already doing, then those big changes we want will come. The example he gave was of prayer, how if we aren't praying then we can start small by getting on our knees once a day and showing the Lord we want to talk. If we are praying we can try to be more sincere or give thanks more in our prayers. It's doing the little things we already do better and not putting so much on our plate that we scream and give up.
This was very good for me. I go to a meeting, get extremely motivated, want to change and then a little while (sometimes minutes...) later I am DONE. This is not a good way to be! Thankfully I have begun to understand the line up on line principle better and realize the Lord loves us and cares and is happy that most of us really are trying and succeeding at most things. I don't think He gets mad as often as we imagine, rather he may be somewhat disappointed in some of the decisions we make, but mostly I think He must be grateful when we even WANT to be good. I am not saying that simply wanting is enough, there must be action, but when want is combined with sincere effort and pressing forward we are blessed beyond measure. Step by step.
I have really been trying to stay focused on missionary work in my daily life. I can't say I have done the perfect job, but I notice that I am happier and behave better. Really all we can do is set an example, talk about the gospel, and invite. Besides that, we have to do a lot of waiting, the thing is through our prayers for missionary experiences and scripture study, we will be prepared to recognize opportunities that arrive.
Anywho...
Some thoughts from today. It has been a while since I posted and things are going really, really well with our family. Dallin has continued growing and is so fun. Jenna is also continuing to grow! She's not very happy about it, but it's for the greater good! We will be glad to welcome our little girl to our home. Then Jenna can shrink if she sees fit! (I am sure she will!) I have to say that we have really been blessed lately and we are very happy. Not everything is perfect and things go wrong, but we always end up alright and we truly feel we are being blessed by God. He is a good Father. Especially when He sees we want to be close.

December 15, 2008- Thinking, Thinking, Thinking...

2008-12-15T18:19:00.000-07:00

Well. I am still alive. I haven't had too much to say lately as far as blogging goes, so...nothing has been posted.
School is going pretty well for me, but that time right before Christmas and after Thanksgiving is pretty crazy...and quite stressful as there is a lot to get done right before the break. Thankfully the break lasts from Dec. 19-Jan 5. It will be quite nice I think. Thanks giving, by the way, was a really fun time for us.
We have had a lot happening, and Jenna has posted some of it. We are going to St. George tomorrow night for an ultrasound Wednesday morning to make sure everything is going well with our baby, the doctor wasn't too worried, but it is a follow-up to make sure.
We had some young men come to our house selling life insurance plans from Primerica last weekend. The sad thing to me was that I am actually at a point in my life where I can see the wisdom in life insurance. It's a yucky thought. The last thing I want is to actually have to "cash in" the insurance, because we know what that means. But, it would also be wise to have a plan "just in case." Ugh.
In other news, my Uncle Bob has been dealing with cancer, and while this doesn't fall as close to home for me as it does for his kids, it is still quite sobering. I think he is doing pretty well, and I hope all continues to improve. He has been a good influence in my life. I have always admired the way that he has raised his family and think he was privy to great wisdom that way. He is also a great coach.
I guess life isn't meant to be all good times. But, even difficult times, open paths for future opportunity.
I know God is aware of what is going on for us all. I don't think He will always intervene (though He does often...) and give us what we want. I don't think we really understand what we really want sometimes, and I am guilty of that quite often. I think He will direct us to what would be best for us to want. Ultimately as long as we make our life here a success and fill it with service to others I think in the end we will be quite happy. Thinking about dying someday scares me. (Please don't think anything is wrong with me, I am actually quite healthy as are my family members...) Mostly because I want to be the one to takes care of my family and I would like to live a good long life. I don't think I am alone in that. Trials scare me. But there is peace,and I know I have always been supported and will continue to be. In some ways I feel quite spoiled. I don't feel like I am the "ultimate" at anything, but I feel that I have been more than blessed for my efforts.
At Christmastime this comes at me full force. I feel like a brat really. I have this list of things that I want, and can probably achieve, and yet there are many people living around me struggling to make ends meet, especially with the current recession. I am grateful for a stable job and a great community. Our ward has really been a blessing to us. I am glad I paid the price to attend SUU and find out what I needed to be doing. It was just the right thing for me. I am not as "educated" as others out there, and I don't think I am done, but I am grateful for the opportunities I have had, and feel really blessed and happy to be starting on this road.I suppose mostly this time of year, I am very, very grateful I have a little family to take care of. Jenna and Dallin shower me with much more love than I deserve. I am so happy to be able to have them in my life (and a new girl soon!) I interact with lots of people everyday...and I am never as happy as I am when I am at home with my family. I am glad it lasts forever, I am grateful for a personal witness stronger than someone else's testimony. It brings a lot of peace in trying times.
So...at Christmas, I hope anyone who reads this post feels grateful for what they have and tries to give time, talents, or gifts to those in need. I think President Monson's devotional/Ensign message were very timely for many of us who are doing so well, when many others are struggling. The Lord say, "Whoever shall lose his life for my sake, shall find it." It is true. It gives hope to us so we can deal with all the other things happening out there. It helps me work through some of my own personal struggles and discouragements. Service to others and trust in God are really the way to a happy heart and a peaceful life regardless of our circumstances, worries, or fears.

Stress and Trust

2008-11-25T06:56:00.001-07:00

Well. It's been a little while since I have posted anything. I guess I kind of go in "phases". I have been thinking a lot about stress lately. I don't really like how it makes my body feel. It seems to tighten everything up. I also realize, to a point, stress is a conscious decision. Either we take too much upon ourselves, or we hold our selves to an unreasonably high standard.
We hear quite often in the Church that the direction we are traveling is more important than the speed. I think there is a lot of wisdom in this. The Lord's way of growth is "line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little". (2 Ne. 28:30) This mean that over time we are making changes and improving.
So. I have a talent for stress. I know I am not alone. Most of my stress comes from either high expectations for myself, or high expectations for others. My job can be a major source of this stress. I really, really love teaching, but it is a never ending improvement process. I am glad for this. I look back at my few years and realize I am a much better teacher than I was. This is good. I also look forward and realize how very much there is too do! I believe the same goes for parenting, church service, and really any activity where we are engaged with other souls.
The best advice I have been able to feel for myself is to "Trust in the the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not to thine own understanding." (Prov. 3:5-6) All thine heart is a tall order. This would leave no room for doubt in trusting that the Lord knows us and our hearts and will "order all things for for our good as fast as we are able to receive them." (D&C 111:11) Trusting in something fully brings a lot of peace to our hearts. Trusting in the Lord fully and giving him our doubts and fears brings lasting peace and infinite progress. Maybe not totally stress-free, but it clears clouds and points our path clearly. Knowing we are on the right path in life is the most peaceful feeling of all.

Crazy Week

2008-11-08T07:53:00.000-07:00

Well. This has been a crazy week for everyone hasn't it? Presidential Elections would probably be at the top of the craziness for a lot of us. It seems there are so many issues swimming around in my head and a frustration with understanding other's viewpoints. I realize we are entitled to our use of agency. But I firmly believe that understanding of truth and life lead to a progression of better choices.
I was really glad Proposition 8 passed. Many agree with me and others disagree. I was somewhat apathetic to the Presidential part of the race. I voted for McCain, but had a feeling Obama would win. Obviously this happened. I am not completely disappointed this happened as I didn't really fully agree with either candidate. However I feel McCain more fully represented my priority views regarding abortion and marriage. Obama seems to be fairly level headed and I do think he will make good decisions for our country. I hesitate to give him to much credit too soon, I also think it is wrong for any of us to condemn him too soon. I think it best to ride out the wave and see what happens. I do believe it is a civic and spiritual responsibility to support our leaders in righteousness. What I mean is, if Obama proves to make good decisions and has the welfare of our country (morally, ethically, economically, etc.) in the forefront of his agenda, than I can support him. However, there are several gray areas for me with him. I don't think I agree with stem cell research. I need to ponder it more, but something about it doesn't sit right with me. When it comes to abortion and marriage I am 100% on the side of my faith, which of course is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I think their positions are balanced and unbiased. Some would scream otherwise, but those people do not have a deep understanding of life's purpose nor have they applied themselves to understanding.
I think people forget how slick Satan is. (Sorry about the Tom Selleck as Satan picture...Jenna had it on file and I couldn't resist...) I don't think we should freak out, but we would do well to look at the fruits of certain behaviors and discover their end results. Satan is real and very enticing. People forget that he can creep into our minds and souls. He can feed us our fears and discourage our hearts. Confusion, darkness, emnity, perversion, rationalization, and justification. A few of his tools. He especially likes us to think that we are a "certain way" and cannot change. This is the ultimate tool. If we cannot change then we are stuck. Hope is lost and we must settle with our present selves. I want to scream at people and tell them there is more and that to settle and stay is the same as damning ourselves.
God is the opposite. He is faith, light, kindness, gentleness, encouragement, agency. With God and Jesus we are never lost. We are never stuck. We can change, improve, and progress. This is one reason gay marriage can't be a good option. It is a dead end road. No children. No sealing. No Priesthood. God gives us agency to use, He will not stop us from exercising it. Even to our detriment.In order to fully appreciate marriage between a man and woman though, one must remember and understand the principles and reasons for it. Marriage is not just for tax breaks and insurance purposes. Marriage is ordained of God. Marriage is for us. Marriage is for increasing our posterity. Marriage is a training ground. I think many people are mistaken when they believe marriage is perpetual bliss. It may not be perpetual bliss (it is actually most of the time, when it is being worked at...), but it is eternal happiness. But I guess this all depends on whether you want to accept the fact that life is eternal and God has a plan. If you can accept this, than life has meaning and significance, and there is incredible motivation to keep pushing forward, dealing with weakness, and changing our situation. It also brings incredible motivation to trust God and do our best to follow his path. This means changing.This all connects, I promise. I think a lot of our country lacks understanding. They haven't been taught. They are learned but they are not wise. Real wisdom comes from God. Real wisdom is making choices that push humanity towards faith in God. Real wisdom does not always grant more license, but encourages self restraint as we progress.
I think people forget that God really is our friend. He knows what will bring happiness. It is our job to discover His mind and will.
I'll end with this quote from President Monson:
"I know that God loves us. He allows us to exercise our moral agency even when we misuse it. He permits us to make our own decisions. Christ cannot help us if we do not trust Him; He cannot teach us if we do not serve Him. He will not force us to do what's right, but He will show us the way only when we decide to serve Him. Certainly, for us to serve in His kingdom, Christ requires that we experience a change of thought and attitude." -Ensign, May 2008
To go along with that is a scripture from Alma:
"And now behold, I say unto you, my brethren, if ye have experienced a change of heart, and if ye have felt to sing the song of redeeming love, I would ask, can ye feel so now?"
I realize that I started this post with elections and politics and ended with some thoughts on our use of moral agency and the goodness of God. If we can get this "song of redeeming love" to fill our hearts and minds, if we can get our moral compasses pointed toward God, then I know our "choices" that we have to make come election time wouldn't be so confusing. We would know where we stand and where God stands...and hopefully we would be found on the same ground as Him.

Agency

2008-10-31T06:13:00.000-06:00

Agency. The ability to choose one's course in life regardless of surrounding influences. The ability and freedom to make the best of one's circumstances. The courage to do what is right regardless of forces pushing you one way or another. Too many people are being persuaded that they are stuck where they are, or it's just not possible for them to live God's way. They have given up. They have sold themselves for naught and put themselves in the power of other people or more accurately Lucifer, the enemy of our souls.
People are trying to influence each other from all sorts of angles. Politics, business, belief, and acceptance of any behavior. They do this to garner support. Financial support, popular support, and the desire to participate in a "movement". They mistakenly believe that having the support of people and finances will bring lasting peace and happiness. The only movement with any real lasting value would be the movement of God's kingdom.All of us have the ability to choose to move whatever cause we desire forward. Some of our causes will bring us happiness. Other causes are perceived as bringing more happiness and acceptance, but in the end cannot satisfy.
We all make mistakes, but we still can choose do the right thing. We can all find out what that is deep inside ourselves and through communication with God. We need to identify ourselves, not by which group we belong to, or what our job is, or even how we and others can mistakenly perceive us, but as Sons and Daughters of God. God does not make mistakes. He gives us weakness, but that weakness should NOT define who we are. That weakness is to teach us humility and to allow us to exercise agency to prove that we will do all things we are commanded. Not simply blind obedience, but with a knowledge that our obedience and submission of our agency to God is the ultimate sacrifice we can give Him.
In one way or another we are choosing to use, or rather, give our agency to different sources in our lives. When it is given to serve, lift, and help others AND ourselves and bring us closer to God, then he fills in our cracks, strengthens our defenses, and gives us a promise of Eternal Life. We will always struggle, when one challenge is overcome, there is always another. We may get tired, but we must never give up. Challenge after challenge, discouragement after discouragement, joy after joy, line upon line until the perfected day. We are the masters of our ships...even if we are convinced otherwise...we are still the masters. If we lose our hope of this...we have nothing. If we have lost hope, regain it, receive a priesthood blessing, serve another. Move forward with faith.
We have all been a little lost at times most likely due to our misuse of agency, myself included. Course corrections can be made, life can be regained. There is always, always an anchor of hope and faith for all of us to have a better world and a place at the right hand of God. God and Jesus will never let us down. That's their use of their agency extended to us. I hope I can better recognize it when it comes. I hope we all can...we all deserve some happiness and hope.

Recreation to Ease My Weariness...

2008-10-24T17:14:00.000-06:00

I don't think I am the only one out there, but sometimes it seems I can never get caught up! It also seems that when I think I am going to get a little break...it magically goes away into some other activity. I don't think this is always a bad thing, but I have a real belief in some down time and unobstructed soul refreshment. I am not talking 3 hours of straight scripture study!
I am talking about good recreation, time spent doing what you want and love to do. I have a firm belief that part of living the perfect life involves being able to pursue our own interests and having time for things that make us smile and that help us imagine. This includes family activities, social get-togethers, sports, or some of our personal favorite things we do on our own.
Music is a big part of this for me. Nothing takes me places like music. I have recently started listening to some songs by David Tolk. I am not going to post them here, but if you have a chance you need to look up "Through the Trees", written by Mr. Tolk. It is a journey to me. This song is on iTunes if you care. My friend Sam has a blog about music and it has helped me to realize that music plays a huge part of our lives (You should all read it!). It rejuvenates us when tired and allows us to refocus on things that really matter. Sure, it can do the opposite if we let it...and sometimes it's nice to thrash out to something crazy...but I can never do that for very long. It's tiring. So try some David Tolk. Here are a couple of suggestions: Through the Trees, The Garden, Simple Gifts, Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing.
A couple other activities seem to rejuvenate my mind. One is a good movie with a good message. An example of this would be a movie like "Radio". The other activity I love is a good video game. Unfortunately the word "game" doesn't serve this form of media justice. I am the first to admit that there are many programs in this category that are not refreshing to the soul at all. But when developers have put serious thought into their work and put images, music and story together in a way that shows a love of life, and teaches moral lessons and consequences, then I believe that games can be a rejuvenating and a valuable learning experience. Some of my favorite games include The Legend of Zelda series, many Final Fantasy games (I don't have to like EVERYTHING about the games, just most of it!), some Mario games (Mario Galaxy is a wonderful example...), and other adventure type games. A game that caught my attention recently was on XBOX 360, it is called Eternal Sonata and it deals with the life of composer Frederic Chopin. It was put together beautifully in my opinion. The characters were interesting, the imagery was wonderful and the story was one that invites a person to think about their lives and choices. This was a good experience for me and shows that these "games" have evolved into much more than blips and beeps. Stories involving characters with moral and ethical choices to make along their journeys have become common fare, almost as in depth as any novel. Music, movies, and video games have many negative things said about them, but there is much good to discover in them also.
These activities don't take the place of daily scripture study, or prayer and communication with Heavenly Father, or our family activities and relationships. There must be a place for all of these things, but I have been finding that experiencing the beauty in the creations of others around us can inspire us to look harder for our own talents and inspire us to reach and dream higher and maybe create something that another person will really enjoy.
P.S. Here's a little quote from Shigeru Miyamoto (He created Mario...) about creation of games:

"I don't want to curb freedom of expression, but I am concerned that many developers focus just on excessive violence in order to stimulate people's mind. I believe that there are more ways of grabbing players' attention than violence alone."

"We need to eat in order to live, that's our first priority. But entertainment and the enrichment of our souls must come in second place. Nintendo's mission is to improve and to take advantage of cheap technology to create reasonable and affordable entertainment."

Is entertainment essential? I think yes...to an extent, but I also think most of us (myself included) go overboard at times.
Anyway, I just thought it was an interesting quote about one aspect of recreation especially from one so involved.
Anyone have any favorite songs, games, books, activities, or movies they want to share? Please comment!

Teachers

2008-10-16T05:09:00.000-06:00

I am always thinking of ways to improve as a teacher. I realize I may think of this more than some other people because of my job, but I feel very strongly that each of us teaches and needs to be a teacher. Parents. Community workers. Anytime we interact with others we are teaching.
We were having a discussion last night with a good friend of our family's here in Orderville. She said that she couldn't have been a classroom teacher like myself or her mom. Initially she had said something about not being able to handle a "classroom situation" very well. This can definitely be true for many people, and trust me, I don't blame them some days! Then she talked about how she loved teaching horse-riding in our community, and of course we knew she was a teacher. Our friends are great teachers. This is Bruce teaching his daughter to beat a pinata!A lot of us teach by what we post in our blogs and in our conversation with others. Jenna was making fruit leather last night and she had been taught by Valerie Crockett and other websites how to achieve success. I am pretty sure she was successful...
Everytime we say something, something is taught, intentional or unintentional. Our experiences come out, lessons learned and our attitudes regarding life are expressed. Our convictions to ideal principles and their reliability in successfully guiding our lives are also exposed.
Parents are excellent examples of teaching correct principles. I can't think of my father without feeling his desire to live faithfully to the Lord, his service in the church, faithful hometeaching and his example of hard work to keep on the straight and narrow road. I can't think of my mother without remembering her love of family history and the lessons there as well as the patience and love she has for her kids. They are not perfect individuals, but I believe that their sincerity is perfect in trying.
Some may express disbelief in some areas, they are still teaching. Truth would uncover their words and teach us that what they really mean is that in some way they have felt betrayed or let down. Some express unbelief in God. I don't think this teaches that He doesn't exist but a truth that they have lost trust in Him, and have jumped to an unsatisfactory conclusion. In some ways it may be that persons way of trying to "be somebody", of garnering attention, sadly this illusion can lead others into error. It seems that our ego can be very influential in determining what we want to believe regardless of it's foundation. A desire to be special can cause some to teach and do things to draw attention to themselves. Behind almost every radical principle being taught is a person who has vain ambition, or is struggling with their true identity and is seeking to belong.
I believe, however, that most of us are teaching things that are good and uplifting. I look around myself at school and realize I am surrounded by excellent teachers, not just those with the title teacher either. Though I must say, I don't know of a bad teacher in my school.
When it comes to the Art of Teaching, I believe this is something that must be cultivated. I feel very blessed to be in situation where I can practice this daily. At times I wonder if anything is happening to influence others to learn and make correct decisions, then someone will say something or respond to something that increases my faith in my own ability and encourages me forward. I am glad that teaching is a skill that can always be improved upon. Their are so many facets to be aware of that it is a never ending task, I am glad for this, because although it is challenging, it is also very, very rewarding.
I think it goes without saying that Christ is the Master Teacher. I don't know exactly how he was able to manage it all. I know for one thing that it wasn't just about skill. He had and has the ability to make us look inward and examine ourselves without feeling damned. He had plenty of "skill", but he wasn't setting himself up as a "look at me" kind of teacher. I think the defining trait of his teaching was his charity for those around him. He loved them. It wasn't a fake, "Oh I love you guys", kind of love, but a sincere love that could look into each person's soul and see all of the good, and all of the hurt, all of the misconception, and anger. Sometimes whether they liked it or not! He took that understanding of each person and was able to direct to them the lessons they needed. Another thing was that he was patient and gave people the time they needed even when some of his followers tried to tell people he needed a break!
As usual I have written all this and now I have to come up with a point. My point is...obvious isn't it?
Before I finish up here, I have to say that Jenna, has been a great teacher for me. I came to her very judgmental in many ways, of other people and of myself. She has taught me through example to let go of a lot of things. I have many "counseling sessions" with her that allow me to maintain my sanity. I think that is one reason the Lord said, "It is not good that man should be alone." She is very patient with my insecurities and gives me very sound advice. She is very good with her kids at school. Most importantly, she is teaching Dallin what he needs to know to be successful in his life. He is becoming a very wonderful person and this is because of the time and energy Jenna puts into his growth, spiritually, socially, and physically. I try to do some work with him when I am home, but thank goodnes for Jenna.
Even Dallin is already teaching. Me: Patience, love and how to have fun. Jenna: Patience, love, dealing with frustration (!), and how to have fun. And James our nephew: How to clean.
So men, not only are our wives ridiculously cute, they are amazing teachers, and busting their hineys to help our families grow toward the ideal!
And we will keep going won't we!

It's a Girl! (and random Conference thoughts...)

2008-10-10T22:59:00.000-06:00

Well. I am excited that we are having a girl! You can read all about it on Jenna's blog, but I just wanted to make a quick post here and tell everyone who reads (all two of you) that I am quite excited. I am hoping Dallin makes the adjustment well. He is such sweet boy and I think he will do well. I am also hoping that I do well with the change from one to two children. Again I think things will go well. I have had a couple experiences before today where I have felt strongly that we were having a girl and it was nice to have those experiences confirmed. I really believe the Lord will help prepare us for things if we are listening and trying to stay in tune (As imperfect as that trying is...)

While I am at it, I wanted to say that I really enjoyed General Conference last weekend. We were in Cedar with my family, which was really nice. Steve and Lindsey were down, as well as Laura, and we also were able to see Jared, Judy, and James. I really appreciate my family much more these days, perhaps it is because I don't see them as much, but whatever the reason, I enjoy their company and I am grateful for my parent's sealing. I must also add that I was able to visit a while with my good friend Sam, he has always been one of my best friends and it was good to see him and his wife. They are a great couple. I hope they realize that!

Back to conference, sometimes I get a bit depressed and maybe a little stressed from conference, not because the messages are bad by any means, but because I realize I don't measure up to what I want to be. This year I was able to look through "new eyes" and feel a little more of the love that our leaders have for us. They need to motivate us to be better and see the error of many of our ways, but they also know that the Lord doesn't want us to run faster than we have strength, but to be diligent to the end. Diligence, repentance, and a good heart will get us there.

Anyway. Things seem to be going well in our lives here in Southern Utah. We really are excited about our new baby and the new challenges with that. We also feel that our family is growing more in the gospel, which is really rewarding when it is trying to be achieved for the right reasons...peace, service, and unity. I don't think my motives are always pure for living the gospel (sometimes I worry too much about what people think), but I know my motivations are becoming better and are becoming more sincere day by day through scripture study and continued missionary goals.

I also realize the importance of my own agency in bringing the gospel into my life. I can hear the word, but it's my choice of what to do with it. I do not believe in blindly following, but I do trust and know good uplifting advice when I hear it...and I heard it this last weekend!

Oh...back to the topic of this post. I am really excited to have a daddy's little girl, to go with daddy's little boy. As our family continues to grow I really hope I can set the right example for them. I see all the time in school and in extended family how the choices parents make influence the strength of gospel commitment in our descendants. We cannot say or think that what we do does not effect those we love, especially those in our family. If I don't teach my children the gospel...who is? That is something that weighs constantly on my mind, especially when the reality of more children sets in. I know the Lord helps us along the way, I am grateful for that, but I know my effort is also required. I have a faith filled vision for my families future, but the way to achieving that vision requires some diligence and hard work on my part. Thankfully I have a wife who helps with much of these things and who helps make my job as a father, husband, and priesthood leader, much lighter and much, much more fulfilling!

4:01 a.m.

2008-09-25T04:01:00.001-06:00

Well. It's another REALLY early morning. I am not sure why I am awake. Dallin was kind of whining because his blankets fell off, I think that's what woke me up. I was in the middle of a dream about flying over the ocean...and then driving over it and visiting shops along the way. I never thought I'd see cars driving to England. Why was I going to England anyway? Dreams are very interesting. Oh, and there was a guy who was eating the rest of my lunch that I had thrown away.
The dream right before that I was with two of my cousins that I RARELY see, which made me think about some of my family on my mom's side. They are really good people, but I don't know them very well. My grandma, Mazie, just passed away early this year and I hope it's not the last time that I see some of them. Maybe there needs to be some kind of reunion. It's hard when people live all over the country.
Dreams are pretty interesting. I seem to have at least one I can remember every night. They range from the completely insane to things that could happen everyday. Even the normal everyday things seem to have a different consciousness about them in a dream. Of course driving to England in an airplane, watching diesels go by and stopping at shops, is quite an interesting experience.
There have been a few times when I have really tried to figure out if there was anything I needed to pay attention to in these dreams. I think that sometimes there has been. A lot of times they can urge us to get in contact with people we haven't contacted in a while. One dream even got me to the airport on time so I could be there for my brother Nate to be home from his mission. His plane was early and the night before I had dreamed I missed his getting off the plane. So, my friend Nate Barker and my brother Danny (the great Dhzan to some...) went quite early and urgently to the airport. The rest of my family missed it.
So. Can dreams tell us somethings important? Probably not every time (especially when zombies or my flying without mechanical assistance are involved...ha ha...), but once in a while there is a different feeling and I think it merits asking oneself, "Should I do something because of this?"
I don't really know the answer, but I really believe that dreams can be lot more than nightly entertainment. Though sometimes that's all they'd better be!
I wonder what Dallin dreams about...sometimes he we will here him crying out at night, sometimes he'll just start laughing. Something is going on on the little screen in his head.
Anyway. This is a really weird post, but I will probably be able to go back to sleep now. Jenna and I can swap dreams later. We always do! It makes for REALLY interesting conversation.
I'm going back to bed...

I'm Alive.

2008-09-18T07:09:00.001-06:00

I am alive. I am not doing a great job at keeping my blog up, but I am alive and that is what counts right? This isn't going to be long. I have had lots of ideas about things to write, but none have cemented themselves long enough to make it to the screen of my computer.
A couple things have had my attention lately. First off would be the missionary work in our ward, it is going really well and I haven't felt so rejuvenated in mind and spirit for a long time. Another thing has been the beginning of the school year. I think I have a pretty good class, but I always have to remember how hard it is to train them and to adjust to their different personalities. This is an ongoing process.
My family is doing well. If you read Jenna's blog you would know more about that. I really married a great woman. A friend and I were talking about our wives yesterday and it is amazing to us the things these ladies think of that we men take for granted. My son is doing well. I really feel overwhelmed that I could be as blessed as I am with him and Jenna. The pregnancy is also still going well. Sure we are going to have a big car bill this month, but the money isn't going to be a problem...which is another miracle. We are really blessed it seems. I am very grateful.
Anyway. That's about it. No political rants or insights into my life for today. How nice!

Feelings for a Month

2008-08-03T14:24:00.000-06:00

It's been a while since I have put anything up on this page. The problem is I don't know if I have anything very interesting to write. It's not that interesting things haven't happened, it just takes so much effort to catalog and organize my thoughts sometimes. Actually, let's be honest, my thoughts don't really ever get organized.
I could write about how crazy my week has been (which it has). Or I could spend time writing about my favorite hobby (video games) and which are my favorite games to play and why I love the story wrapped around another world and the conflicts the characters go through to end up "saving the world". Or I could write about how grateful I am for an eternal family and how scared I get when I don't know what to do for my sick boy and how helpless I feel when he is drifting off into a sleep brought on through dehydration and I can't seem to wake him (Jenna was able to wake him and things are fine now.).
This month has gone so fast and yet seemed so long that I am at a loss of where to begin describing things. Thankfully Jenna is a bit better than I am at this. We have traveled a lot. Visited California: Beach, Knotts, Grandpa Emmett. Blew out two radiators. Had family a great family reunion. Married off my brother Nate. Met his wife Monica's family. Spent time with some old friends. Watched movies. Read Scriptures. Visited the Temple. Watched my garden turn to weeds. Cut the bushes too short. Been frustrated by the house. Annoyed by the newspaper/newswebsites. Laughed with my wife and Dallin. Had Steve and Lindsey move up north. Had to hear about Danny having a few tough times on his mission and still being upbeat about life. Got two teeth drilled. We even had a great convert named Miguel join the church this month. My dad even had his 59th birthday, and I am sure there's more.

Who knows what else.

With all that's happened though, it's been a really good month. The funny thing to me is that I don't even work during the summer and yet so many things have happened that I wonder how I ever fit a job into all this life. Maybe...a job helps us to calm things down (Money too, I suppose). I guess I'll remember in a couple weeks. School is beginning again and I am pretty excited. I am always nervous about this, but things will go well and we will take each challenge as it comes.
I look back at this post and this month and I realize that we as human beings are experiencing a variety of feelings at every moment of the day. How we choose to respond to those feelings is paramount to our happiness in life. I cannot say that I have responded well to all my feelings this month. But I can say I have learned some great lessons, and that many times I have responded well and we have had peace during the trials of the month and joy in the blessings. "Let not thy heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." I suppose if we really trust the Lord these words of the Savior make a big difference in the things we cannot control and bring a peace that underlies all the other feelings we may have swirling around in our hearts during just a month's time. If we remember these words and trust the Lord we may have a crazy month but it will always be a good month. Perspective right?

4 a.m.

2008-06-26T04:59:00.001-06:00

So. I woke up at about 4 a.m. after going to bed at 11:00 p.m. I do not know why I am awake, it's just one of those mind running nights I guess. It's 5:00 now and since I am up...there's been a few things I've wanted to comment on. These are completely random and isolated thoughts. Though there may be the slight chance they can be woven together.
Thought #1
I really love my wife!
Jenna wrote about our anniversary. I have to say that I married a wonderful woman. I don't know why I was able to be blessed with her. I dated a lot of really excellent girls before I met her. It seemed that either they didn't like me, or I would have massive panic "freak-outs" and that would be that. As time has moved I can see wisdom in the timing of my life. I really believe with Jenna that the timing was right. She compliments all my weakness and loves me anyway. Having increased faith in myself and God with her around is not a problem. We are not "perfect" all the time, but we work hard. Two morals (Sorry for those who hate morals, I know you are out there...) First, trust God's timing. Second, real love means you make it happen and keep it happening. Of course the initial stages of attraction apply (they definitely did in my case!). But after the euphoria wears, agency requires two people to work hard and more than anything spend time together. Teaching is a good career for this aspect of our relation ship. So...we aren't rich, but we are happy!
Thought #2
I really love my son!
Dallin is a crazy man. I have been able to really spend a lot of time with him since school has been out. I know he's only two, but he is a great friend. The other day I was downstairs (playing a video game...of course...) and he walks up and calls me "Jeff". Obviously that's my name, but the kid is two and it SEEMS to me that most two years olds call their dads "Dad" or "Dadda", or "Daddy". But for my son my name is Jeff. "Jeff eat!" "Hi Jeff".
What's my name? Apparently it's Jeff.
Of course he also calls himself "You".
What a guy!

Thought #3
People who leave rude comments.
This one was an interesting experience. Really there are two experiences I can draw from. Somehow, someone found my blog and read my comments about gay marriage (hardly anyone even looks at this blog...). I still stand by what I said. If it was too harsh I apologize for the harshness, but I still believe that true marriage is a man and woman. I suppose the term can be used loosely to refer to a union or merging of two entities (including companies), which is probably part of the argument of those in favor of gay marriage. Whatever. The point of this thought is that someone found my blog, and posted a completely rude and vicious response. I have since deleted this person's comment (Sorry I know, you all wanted to see it!). I know the topic is sensitive to some. My opinion is unpopular among the loud people. But it seems to me that a person who cannot express opposing opinions without extreme rudeness to my wife and myself, and exclaims that my mind is tiny and shrunken because I don't accept what the "loud people" want me to accept, is looking in a mirror and commenting on their own attributes. I have a lot of respect for most people, and I get along one on one with about everyone. But it seems that when people can be anonymous, many like to attack. Another example was an article on the Salt Lake Tribune site (first mistake of mine was to post something in support of a conservative nature on a liberal page...) Well, needless to say Jenna and I walked into a den of wild hyenas...
Well. I am sure this won't be the last time somebody is rude to me. It's not the first. But I don't think that just because someone is capable of being rude and can leave nasty comments means they are right. In fact it's usually a sign pointing to the opposite. I believe we still have an obligation to stand and say what we believe. I am fine if someone doesn't think like me, we can agree to disagree. Just don't be rude.
Thought #4
I miss my students. Don't get me wrong, summer vacation is awesome. But, the day to day interactions with great kids is irreplaceable. I will definitely be ready for August and the beginning of the school year, with that will come the opportunity to meet a new class and have students from past classes stop by for a visit. I realize with time, I will see less and less of these kids, but I sure enjoy them while I have them. Part of me hopes their summer's are completely boring so that they can't wait to be back to school. That's probably selfish, but I want my students to love learning and interacting with each other at school so much that summer vacation isn't quite as good as being in the classroom. Or racing their teacher around the building...
So much for sleeping!

Seeds

2008-06-07T08:14:00.000-06:00

This picture doesn't have much to do with my post...except for the fact that sometimes we are screaming children even though someone is trying help us out.
Anyway...

The last couple days I have been thinking about seeds. This might sounds weird, but it is true. I don't mean seeds in the literal sense, more like the Alma 32 sense in the Book of Mormon.
We had a birthday party for our nephew the other night and some of my friends from college were there. I served my mission with the husband's brother. According to what was reported the brother has "basically" left the church. We talked a little about it that night, but I thought about it more the next day while I was doing some yard work at my parent's house.
What does this have to do with seeds? Every idea in the world can grow. Good or bad. Alma gives a clue for what to look for, he says that truth is light. Which of course, would make things that are not true dark and confusing. I have noticed when some believe in something good, literature or people come around creating confusion. They create doubt. Some people say, "Well, if I am doubting maybe what this person says is right and I have been mislead." Then they research (usually the wrong material...) and decide they are not going to participate in the gospel anymore. They ended up feeding their seed of doubt and became full of it (um, doubt that is)...and their lives become dark and empty. We have all seen it, and, though they may accomplish many other good things in life, their lives really are fruitless in the spiritual sense.
I do not know all the answers to doubt. I know it is powerful and if we give it any place, kind of like weeds in a garden, it will take over and try to become our reality. I think the best answer I have found is to not allow the seed of doubt to have root. To kick it out as soon as possible, because if we nourish that seed until it is a tree...we are in trouble. Does that mean we go through life with a closed mind to all new ideas? I don't think so. But I think as soon as we can decide whether an idea is light or dark, we need to take action, either to ignore it, or nourish it. I picture Satan (cape flowing behind him with a mischievous grin on his face.) running through our garden with one of those fertilize spreaders. Except instead of fertilizer he is throwing out weed seed. We all know how fast weeds grow with just a little help. Doubt needs little help to flourish. Our quality seeds however take a lot of work and weeding to grow. Just like corn, tomatoes, or squash in a real garden.
We can choose to nourish whatever we want light or dark, truth or lie, we have agency. I have seen that any idea can be nourished and a person can believe in almost anything with all their hearts if they nourish it enough. But just because someone believes something doesn't make it true. We are given those keys in Alma 32, truth is light and peace of soul. So is the gospel, which encompasses all real (not just what some random person thinks) truth, and I think it would be naive to believe we can have ALL the answers here in this life. Which is why we follow the light and nourish the correct seeds.
We have to work actively to defend what we hold dear in life, so... if I am a person who wants to be faithful and keep my testimony of the gospel strong, I had better nourish my seed through scriptures, prayer, and service. Trees of light can wither just as a tree of doubt, they can also be kicked out if we allow too many weeds in our mind.
I guess I am blabbing on like this because I feel somewhat annoyed and sad when people toss out the corn and apricots to grow thistle and morning glory (who wouldn't want morning glory! I HATE morning glory...), just because a stupid idea crept in saying...what if? or what about? In other words, I think every one WANTS to do the right thing, doubt just likes to confuse us when we actually are already doing the right things. Once you know the character of the seed either keep it or kick it and move on doing the right things.
I have heard all sorts of arguments against the church and it's leaders, etc. Who cares? I have experienced the doubt that comes when having allowed these thoughts/arguments a little soil. I have learned that peace does not return until I get out in my "garden" and weed and replant the right seeds. I have an absolute testimony of the priesthood and miracles. I see the fruits in my life of trying to live what I believe. Life isn't perfect all the time, but I have felt real peace and comfort come from a priesthood blessing, spending time in the scriptures, or listening to a prophet's counsel or even sitting on my fanny pondering. It is not just a sedative. It is real. It is light. It's also not always easy!
My attitude lately about all these ideas floating around in the world is: I don't care how much people think they know or what their agendas are (people really do have agendas!). Every single person is prone to being wrong sometimes. So I guess God is really the only TRULY reliable source. We should clear up some confusion if we rely on Him and WAIT for his response...knowing it could come from a thought, person, scriptures, or maybe even some dumb TV show. The Lord does give comfort. But if we are like my son in the top picture...we may not recognize He is actually trying to help.
I guess our lifetime is a garden or an orchard. We are the gardeners. We choose the harvest. We exercise faith that things will grow and flourish, we work to show our faith. Quitting halfway does not help our garden grow (but it does help weeds grow!) Good trees and good crops along with faith, time, and effort bring forth good fruit and good vegetables. It's impossible to fake the harvest. Our lives will reflect our gardening, and the harvest will come and hopefully the Master of the Vineyard will be pleased.

End of the Everything?

2008-05-24T08:38:00.001-06:00

I have decided as of yesterday that May is really the end of everything. At least for me as a teacher. I have spend most of my life ending things in April, May, or June. Which is to say it is also the beginning of a lot of things too. But let's focus on the ending for now.
For 13 years it was the end of public Education. April 29 is the anniversary of the end of before mission life. June 8 is the anniversary is the end of the mission. The end of every April signals the ending of University semesters. June 24 was the end of singlehood (Thank goodness), and for the next 30-ish years (assuming everything goes well!) I will be experiencing the end of school.
I do not like this some days.
I just finished teaching a great class that I will miss quite a bit. The worst part is that everytime I walk into my classroom during the summer, I picture where the desks SHOULD be and who SHOULD be sitting in them. I suppose if I didn't like my students this wouldn't be a problem.
What do you do?
I suppose the reason this is a little rough for yours truly is that all the people I see due to the education system seem to disappear for a few months.
This does make seeing students and friends at the end of the summer so much more exciting though. Know the bad to appreciate the sweet.
Now I am going to get philosophical.
Grandpa Corry also passed a way in May about 10 years ago. This was a bit rough for me. I had spent the last few months before my mission staying the night doing what I could to help him out. He was bedridden for the most part. Unless he was determined to get up, which he did once, I have no idea how...
Anyway. It was about this time in 1998 that he passed away. I was in the MTC. I was already homesick when I found out. I wasn't surprised, but as with all great men and great examples there was sorrow at his leaving us.
I guess the part of this post that is most important is that even though things end, they also begin again. So. School is over, but it will begin again. People pass away, but they will be seen again also. My grandfather Elwood Jones Corry was a great man. I hope I am proud of myself when I see him again, I hope even more that he is proud of me. When the end of my life comes I hope I will be ready to begin what ever is next.
So. What's the point of all this rambling? I do not know. I have been thinking about endings as a time for reflection, a sort of self-appraisal. Do I think this school year went well? Yeah, I do. Perfect? Nope, but better than the year previous. Did I end the year with more love for those I teach than I began with? Definitely.
That's a good beginning.

What the?!?

2008-05-18T20:52:00.000-06:00

I probably am going to sound really self-righteous. I realize I have my own issues in my life and I really try to be understanding of other people.
I have to say how disappointed I am in the State of California. Don't get me wrong I don't have anything these people as far as them being members of the human family who choose alternate lifestyles...but I don't agree with the lifestyle, I would never support it, but I still know that a lot of them are good people and do many things to serve society.
The thing that IRKS me is that REPUBLICAN "Gov. Schwarzengger" isn't going to do anything to prevent the ruling to allow gay marriage. What the ?!? Don't you people want a public servant who protects family? Is the minority going to keep ruling the world? Can you even really be married if you are gay? Sure they have "partners..." but...is that really a husband or wife?
Anyway. I have several acquaintances who have decided to follow this lifestyle. I do not hate these people, in other ways I really admire who they are, just not their lifestyle choice.
Some chalk homosexuality up to "genes", or weakness. Even if that is the case (weakness) they still made a conscious choice. I am also aware that our brains can evolve to reflect life choices and lifestyles we have CHOSEN. I remember having one conversation with one individual about a girl he really liked in elementary...why the change?
To me this all comes down to allowing the path of least resistance to win over character building determination that requires resisting choices that will ultimately end in disappointment. I am sorry. Satan is alive and well and he knows that marriage is ordained of God. How else do we perpetuate the human race and start our children off with their souls planted firmly in Christ? I suppose what some of these people really want is an excuse and justification for their lifestyle.
Where's the blessing of children? (Oh...they can adopt...)
Where's the legal rights? (Well...I guess they are working on that...)
Where's the peace? I guess numbing your mind helps...
When it comes down to it, it seems like a huge lie, it's a dead end.
I suppose I am angry about this because these people believe that their partnership should be held on the same level as the rest of society who have had the courage to really marry, to have our own family, and set an example of living our religion.
Why does the minority scream so loud?!?
Why are the rest of us so quiet and let it happen?
Well. I am not at all perfect either...but shouldn't we all at least try?
Gay marriage will never yield the same results as a marriage between a righteous husband and wife who rear their children in the gospel.
Go ahead and get married and call it marriage. All I see is an empty shell of what could have and should have been.

Meine Familie

2008-04-20T20:40:00.000-06:00

Hi. Second blog today. I thought it would be nice to say a few words about my family. Jenna and Dallin. Jenna and I met in 2004. She was a freshman. So I said to myself, "No way Jose." But we were put together to work on choreography in HOPE choir at the SUU LDS institute. So...fate says we have to get to know each other. She was so dang cute. I still had a hardened heart, past experiences with dating had closed my mind. Still...she was so dang cute...and nice...and level headed...and...well you know...
We were married in June 2005. I was 26. She was 19. That's seven years people. For the record this is a really good thing. She teaches many things about enjoying life and hopefully I help her see some things from my "older" not necessarily wiser perspective. PLUS I have learned to appreciate a lot of things she grew up with that I would have missed out on...and vice versa. Our families that we came from are very different, but it is wonderful to have the diversity...well...it's not THAT much diversity, but it's wonderful nonetheless.
NINE months after we were married Dallin came a long. To our credit he was a month early. He has been a great addition. I have loved watching him learn to walk and talk and just be so darn cute.
I guess I thought life was rewarding before I was married, and dating had some (far and between) fun moments, but I can't really understand why now. It was fun and more "dramatic" at times, but there is nothing like having a wife who is always by my side, and so involved in helping our community, and a son who runs yelling "dada dada" and gives me a huge hug when I get home from work. Let's face it. Marriage done right makes every other aspect seem like a pale shadow of existence. I have to say that knowing our sealing binds us together for longer than I can imagine is a supreme comfort and a great motivation to continue to grow and learn about life together. Just some thoughts...I guess I just feel really blessed. God tends to give us more than we deserve and such is the case here. I suppose that is His way of getting us to step up to the mark!

In the Beginning...

2008-04-20T17:06:00.000-06:00

I am not really sure to which beginning I am referring to with my title, but lets all assume for the sake of bloggery that it refers to the beginning of my entrance into this vortex of creative thought and expression, referred to from here on as the blogosphere. Maybe Blogosphere would be more appropriate for a world of blog then a vortex of blog, but I digress.
Jenna has been blogging for sometime now and she seems to be thoroughly addicted to the "sport". It also seems to be a good way to keep tabs on friends...and "not" friends, who can become friends. I also figured it would be a good way to get what I am thinking and experiencing off my chest and thrown into the collective pool of humanity.
So we begin. Hence the title...In the Beginning. Genesis will probably be a better place to go for inspired insight, but lets begin anyway.
So...lately I have been thinking about missionary work. How to do it, how to be good at it. The conclusion I keep coming back to is that we have to be ready. We have to pray. We have to befriend those around us, and we have to trust the Lord will bring us opportunities and courage. Sharing the gospel can be a bit frightening to some of us...myself included, but I have been surprised to see opportunities come lately as I have studied scriptures more, prayed specifically, and trusted. The opportunities that have come in the last few weeks haven't been anything frightening, just simple conversations with people I already know. The great part about it is that as I have trusted the Lord to do his work, those people are the ones asking the questions.
Okay. That's my first blog. Kind of a milestone. Hopefully this won't be the only one!